All day I was thinking about it. I mean how do they do it? At least do it well... having to be so careful... not being able to even blow each other without a condom... I don't know... it would just fucking suck. It would be the worst thing ever. Imagine... bad enough you're going to die... or at least be really, really sick... you can't even fuck anymore. Poor Ben. And poor Michael. But I give him credit. I don't think... no, I know I couldn't do it.

I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for Brian. He's got this project he's working on, and I'm not supposed to talk to him... but I hate waiting. And my hand is too sore for homework. I'm trying to read my visual arts textbook, but I just keep thinking about it. Can't stop. And the more I think about the fact that Michael and Ben can't do it... the more I want to do it with Brian.

I haul myself off the couch and walk up the steps to the bed, throwing myself onto it with a big sigh. Brian looks up from his computer. Yeah... he heard my hint... now let's see if he's gonna take it...

Lying on my side, I flip open my textbook, pretending to read. I can see Brian from here if I kind of look at him sideways... I sneak a peek and our eyes meet for a second... all I can see is the top part of his face... can't see if his lips are pulled into a smirk or a frown... I try to read his eyes, but fuck, Brian has spent a lifetime hiding behind that gaze... and I'm not egotistical enough to ever imagine that I could figure him out just from a look.

I roll onto my back, tossing my textbook aside. Fuck it. There is no way I can read about fucking art history when my cock is throbbing in my pants. I sigh again, hoping Brian will hear... hoping he won't. I don't care. He knows I want him to fuck me.

Jesus, though... poor Ben. I just can't get this out of my head. Brian and I have never done it raw before... but it doesn't mean we won't... Brian is into everything... I mean the things we've done... aw, fuck. I can't lie here by myself without him. Maybe I'll just jack off alone. That should get his attention.

I pull open the top button of my pants then unzip slowly. I don't know if he heard but I'm almost beyond the point of caring. Sometimes you just fucking need to get off... and thinking about Brian riding me bareback... I close my eyes and push my hand down my pants, grabbing my cock. Mmmm... that's exactly what I needed. I let out a deep breath I didn't even know I was holding. I move my hand a little, just squeezing my cock and thinking about Brian...

Suddenly I feel a tight grip on my wrist and my hand is pulled out of my pants. My eyes pop open to see Brian hanging over me, hazel eyes laughing at me, lips pulled into a wicked grin.

"You couldn't wait for me, could you," Brian whispers, his voice husky and deep. He pulls my hand to the bed, and grips my other wrist with his fingers, pinning me to the bed.

He leans into me and kisses me hard on the lips. I lift myself up to meet his kiss as he pulls away, but he pushes back, just devouring me. I arch my back to push my cock to meet his as he hangs over me... fuck... I need him to touch it. To suck it or stroke it or fuck it... he can't leave me hanging here...

He breaks away, and releases my wrists, grabbing my pants and pulling them off me in one move. I laugh out loud, as he buries his face in my crotch, opening his mouth over my cock - still trapped in my underwear.

"Fuck, Brian," I moan. "I need you..."

"Well, get undressed then," he grins at me. You never saw anyone rip off clothes so fast. I pull my shirt over my head, and slither out of my underwear while he stands at the end of the bed watching me.

"Well..." I ask, motioning to him.

"You're too funny," Brian says, laughing, pulling off his shirt, then unbuttoning his pants.

"I'm 18 and have a fucking major hard on. There's nothing funny about that," I say back. I need his lips to be kissing me, not wasting time talking.

He kicks off his jeans then falls into bed beside me. I quickly wrap my legs around him, holding him close and we kiss and kiss and kiss and my lips hurt, but I don't fucking care. I love kissing him, I need to kiss him, I don't want to do anything else but kiss him. Our cocks are pressed together... so hard... our balls rub together and he keeps kissing me...

My hands go all over his arms and chest... I love touching his skin, and it just makes me think of him fucking me without a condom on. His skin on mine... in the most intimate of places... shit... that's too much... he pulls my tongue into his mouth, sucking on it hard... and I think about him and me and no barriers. I have to ask him. I have to say something. I need to... I want to... the idea just sends a shiver through me... oh fuck...

I tell him I think we're lucky... and he makes some joke, wanting me to roll over so he can fuck me. But I tell him what I was thinking all day, with Ben and Michael, and he just brushes me off... refusing to talk about Michael with me... like always.

He tries again to get me to turn over, but I want to tell him what I'm thinking. I want to see his face when I say it. He's gonna freak. He's gonna want to fuck me all night long...

I get all nervous all of a sudden... and I almost back down... I feel like a fucking virgin again... ready for everything and scared. It's a big thing... it's trust... it's getting closer... it's sharing something we haven't yet shared.

We play... pushing and pulling each other, grabbing fingers and kissing and moving together. Always moving... I hold him to me with my legs wrapped around his waist. I love this... just touching and touching... I want him to touch me inside... really him... not with the fucking condom on... just him.

I tell him that Michael and Ben could never do it raw... fuck... just saying it... I have to close my eyes and grit my teeth... it makes me so fucking horny just to say it... he kind of pauses, and says, neither have we... and I'm thinking like, yeah, yeah, ask me... but I know he won't.

I say we could... if we wanted... and he pushes me onto my back, and I pull my legs around his thighs, not wanting to let him go. He kind of looks at me, wanting to hold me, but I push his arm away... I'm fucking horny, I want to kiss him all over, and I want him in me naked. I whisper that we're both negative... and he kind of just zones...

I'm thinking - it's too much. He can't fucking believe I asked.

"You want me to fuck you bareback?" Brian asks... and in that second... oh shit... I imagine he's got his cock at my hole... the tip so soft and exposed... and he's rubbing it all over me... his cum all over my hole... and he pushes it inside me... oh God... I'm thinking he's gonna do it right now... I think it's going to feel like he's rimming me and I want to suck on his tongue while he does it so I know he's not... that it's his cock on me, his cum all over and in me, just him. He's moving all over me... he's going to touch me... I know it... I stare back up at him and say yes.

"Cum inside your tight little ass?" he asks, and swear to God I almost came when he said that... oh Jesus... this is so hot... he's going to do it... he's got his fingers in my hair, kissing me on the face... I close my eyes... ready... so ready... and I can barely get the words out... I tell him, "Do it." The words he's been waiting for... I tell him to fuck me... I have to suck in a breath of air... it's too hot... I reach for him with my mouth... oh Brian... fuck me fuck me fuck me... fuck me raw in every sense of the word...

Then he just stops - muscles tense and all business all of a sudden. Fuck yourself, he says.

I'm just totally in shock. Like, what? At first I think he's joking... then he calls me names and I feel so completely ignorant and stupid. Like the virgin again. Like the stupid kid. He gives me this lecture about not letting anybody ever fuck me without a condom on and it just pisses me off that he doesn't realize... doesn't fucking clue in that it's not the fucking bareback that I want... it's him I want.

I want Brian in me skin on skin cumming in me and giving me it and letting me be so close to him closer than I ever, ever imagined. And I tell him that he's not just anybody, but he doesn't get it and grabs a condom and tells me to put it on him.

I'm not so mad that I won't let him fuck me now, so I roll the condom on his dick and let myself enjoy the grin that spreads across his face and the little moan he lets out at my touch. He's not mad anymore, and I don't feel so stupid... but I just feel like it's unfair. I don't want anybody else right now. I want Brian. If I was a fucking woman, he'd fuck me raw. But I'm not. And there's this disease out there... if he didn't fuck anybody else, then we could... and I want to scream why not Brian! Fuck me! But I know I can't... can't argue... and I'd sound like a whiny teenager... I know just to drop it. Leave it.

I roll over onto my side, and he slides behind me... his arms so strong as they guide me... wrap around me... he pushes me hard onto my stomach... I don't know if he's mad at me still or just getting off on being a little rough. I don't care. I'll take it from Brian... I'll take anything from Brian. I twist around to look at him... watch as he puts his cock at my hole... ready for the slow, grinding push in... ready to be fucked.

Instead of teasing me or slipping in just the head, he surprises me... pushing his hard cock as far up my ass as he can go... I lose my breath with it... air comes tumbling out of my lungs... he's not stopped until he's touched me inside and I can't speak... just gasp for air...

Jesus Christ... it's like from zero to fucking awesome in one second. He slammed his cock in me so fast it still hurts... but at the same time is so fucking amazing... I just let him do what he wants. Hmmm... fuck... oh... pain and pleasure at the same time. My eyes kind of water as he holds his cock in me... right up my ass... pushing all my buttons inside... I can't breathe...

He pulls me to him so tight, not giving me a chance to move... his dick in me is intense and rushed but it's so good... I moan a bit... he has me by the shoulders and is holding me on his cock, pushing me on it as he jams his hips against my ass... we're still and it's... I don't know... more intense than anything... I'm just filled with this overwhelming sense of Brian... his chest presses against my back, and I feel his chin on the back of my neck... his breath is warm and close to my ear... I can hardly register it when he starts to speak... I want you safe... he says... and I can't move... can't respond... then he says, I want you around for a long time... God, Brian I want to say... I want you too... but I know the best way to deal with Brian actually saying something nice is to ignore it. Not make a big deal... so I don't say anything back, just let him hold me so tight... but I feel this warmth in me... he just pulls back a little, releasing me a bit and I suck in a breath...

He says these things to me... and makes me feel like I'm the only one... for him... in the whole fucking world... but... I don't understand why he wouldn't let me be so close to him... why he said no... why... I don't know and I don't understand.

Oh, now he's fucking me... and that's got my attention. His hips just pulling back slightly, then thrusting in me again...

He pushes me back to the bed, and I lie on my stomach, my cock pressed up against my belly, trapped between me and the bed. It feels nice though... the pressure so welcome, the touch... anything... I'll take it.

His legs slide to either side of mine, and he just lies on top of me, covering me with his body... his calves are beside mine, his thighs rising up on top of mine, his groin pressed into my ass, his taut stomach curving down into my back... skin on skin... his arms covering mine and his fingers woven between mine... He breathes into my hair, kissing me on the neck... I'm trapped beneath him... he's put just enough weight on me that I feel like I can't move, but I feel like he's holding me... and it's so wonderful... I love this feeling of being covered, being protected, being loved...

He slowly fucks me, pushing against me inside and it feels... so... good... slowly rubbing his cock against my prostate, I can't stop humming with pleasure, I have to let it out... he pushes on my ass with his groin and it's like he's squeezing me to him... his cock in me seems so much closer and with my body trapped between the bed and him... aw fuck... it's too good... oh... the pressure... the weight... oh... my cock is pressed against my skin and he suddenly pushes even more in me... his balls soft on the skin of my ass...

His lips brush against my ear, and I feel hot breath as he whispers, "I'm fucking you Justin."

"Mmmm," I say, "I know, I know."

"Pretend I'm fucking you raw... you can feel me in you, can't you? You can feel my skin on yours..." he continues.

My heart skips a beat... he wanted it too... otherwise wouldn't be saying this... letting me play in on this little fantasy.

"Justin..." he says.

"Yeah," I pant back, not sure what to say.

"Do you believe I'm in you... just you and me and no latex?" he lets out a throaty breath with those last words... heat on the side of my face... warm... moist...

"Yeah, yeah... I do... you're fucking me Brian... I love it," I manage between whimpers.

"Do you feel my dick up your ass... rubbing up against you?"

Mmmm, I can only moan... he pulls out almost to the tip then slides back in me s-l-o-w-l-y... kind of rotating his hips as he does... "It's me..." he whispers. "Me inside you... you can feel me pushing in you... and it feels so good."

He's heavy on me and I pull in each breath hard... but it's good... I feel kind of dizzy... his weight on me is... just... intoxicating... his cock up my ass is so fucking fine... I feel full and all this pressure all over me... everything intensified...

I know this will be quick... he starts to pump in me faster... and rolls me over to my side a bit, releasing my pounding dick from beneath me. I lean back into him, and he slides his hand up my chest, gripping me around the neck gently, then covers my mouth lightly.

"Lick it," he whispers to me. "Make it wet."

I do as he says, flipping my wet tongue out over his palm, tasting his salty skin, rolling my tongue over the lines of his hand. I try to suck his finger, but he pulls his hand away... oh fuck, but puts it on my cock... stroking me, caressing my dick with his wet hand... his fingers moving and pressing in different places all up my cock... his thumb stopping to rub pre-cum all over the head... mmph... I squeeze my ass to make him groan... pulling his cock with me as I start to fuck his hand...my hips moving, but I feel him slide out of me just a bit as I push into his hand... oh...oh... not...going to be ... very... oh! Fuck me... he pushes me back on his cock... and it's all over for me... I cum in his hand and he holds it, rubbing it back over my dick as I cry out with each bolt of the orgasm.

He pushes me back onto my stomach again, and runs his slick hand down my back, leaving a trail of my cum there... he pushes in me... oh...fuck... me... almost... I push out each breath and feel cold all of a sudden as he slips out of me quick. I hear a noise then feel his warm cum spurting all over my back... his stuttered breaths and groans of release... Jesus Christ, he's cumming on me... sharing it with me... mixing our cum together on my back... uh... I want to see him. I want to kiss him, but he hangs over me, his lips on my ear... I feel his finger tracing patterns through the wetness on my back... my skin covered with his cum... my cum... I know he wasn't in me naked, and that he pulled off the condom... but... he... understood, I guess... what I wanted... not the fucking... the sharing...

My back feels tight and cold as the cum starts to dry and he wipes me off with some tissue, long strokes, picking up the evidence of our fucking.

I don't want to move... lying here on my stomach... thinking about what he did... we did... could do... Brian lies beside me on his side and looks at me for a minute. Staring at me. Maybe thinking about what we did... and didn't do... tonight.

I roll onto my side to face him, curling my legs up, and touching our knees together. Our eyes meet and he doesn't blink.

"I meant what I said, Justin," he says. "I want you to promise me... fucking swear to God... that you will never do that with anybody."

I just nod my head. I don't know what to say, except tell him that I still want to do it with him. But I can't tell him that.

"Promise me. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth it," he whispers and he's so serious I get fucking freaked out. I just get a bad feeling like Brian has had some awful experience or knows someone who has or maybe he's just upset about Michael and Ben too. But that's just one of those things that I'll probably never know.

"I know... I promise Brian," I say back, still too chickenshit to tell him what I really think. That I'll be fucking jerking off for the next two weeks thinking about all the stuff he just said to me. I want to tell him that it was good... that I liked pretending... but it might make him regret it, and I have finally almost learned that Brian can dish it out... but sometimes finds it very hard to take. Sometimes I think he hears things in people's words they never meant... imagines scenarios that aren't true... picks up the wrong words and dwells on them. And I am so happy where we are right now... I don't ever want to do anything to fuck it up.

So... I have a new fantasy... a new wet dream... something more that Brian and I can share.