Sigh… what Brian wants… Brian gets…

It’s really not that I don’t want my dick sucked. I mean, fuck, I’m not crazy… it’s just… it’s just that I’m getting a freaked out feeling in my stomach about going to school tomorrow. I’ve been drawing all day, like somehow trying to prove to myself that I am good enough to go. That I can still draw… at least try to draw… as well as I used to.

And I know in my head that it’s because I have been drawing all day that my hand is tired. My occupational therapist told me I could expect that I won’t be back to normal for a little while yet. That overuse will make my hand quiver… that I could lose control of it.

But I keep trying to not make it true. I keep thinking that if I try harder, it will be fixed. Everything in my life has always been like that. I hit an obstacle, and I work my ass off to get around it. Now I’m in a position where working harder just makes the obstacle bigger. The recovery harder. The pain stronger. And I don’t like it. I hate not having control.

So… I wanted to stay up all night. Focusing on moving my hand. Concentrating on not making it shake. I know it’s not helping. But trying is all that I know how to do.

But now Brian is pushing my hands away, and rubbing his face in my pubic hair, and I try not to think about it, but my cock springs to life under his gaze. I lean my head back and think for a minute… I know if I truly wanted Brian to stop, he would in a heartbeat. But he knows I don’t really. My lips say no, but my cock says hell yeah.

Forget it… I tell myself. Enjoy this… enjoy Brian. I’ll sleep better tonight if I let him suck me off, and besides… it’s been almost 24 hours since we fucked last… going into withdrawal… mmm… I sigh as his soft hair brushes against my belly.

I let the sketchpad slip from my fingers and I hear it land on the hardwood with a soft thump. The pencil rolls out of my hand, and I pick it up and toss it onto the floor beside the bed. Brian is kissing my stomach, and he knows I love it… his fingers reach up, stroking my chest with the soft pads of his fingertips. Small circles going around and around. I let myself be lost in the sensation… hoping the stress and freakiness I feel about tomorrow will finally leave me. Let me be in peace just for a little while, anyway.

My head drops to the pillow. I give in. My legs fall open. I let him take me.

Brian senses my submission and moves lower, littering little kisses all around my cock. He’s probably admiring his own handiwork. He had to trim my pubic hair for me yesterday – I was too afraid to put a pair of scissors anywhere near my cock using my unreliable hand. It was pretty nice… the attention he paid to my balls, the soft touch… the long hand job he gave me afterwards, his hand coated in soap as he stroked me…

Okay, if I wasn’t ready for him to suck me off before, I sure the hell am now.

I push my body a little lower, positioning myself so my legs are wide open, bent a little at the knees to give me leverage. I watch as he lifts his head, and our eyes meet. He makes a show of running his tongue over his full lips, wetting them till they shine in the dim light. Not taking his eyes off mine, he gently takes my cock in his hand and rubs the very tip over his mouth… his lips shut and so wet… my pre-cum mixing with his spit as he slides the head over his soft lips… I can’t help but let a sigh escape my lips. The touch I crave when I wake up in the middle of the night… here, on me, now.

Then he starts his descent. Brian has this thing he does when giving head. I have to learn it. But when he does it, I get so fucked up with pleasure that I can’t remember it… can’t pay attention till it’s over… then it’s too late.

He opens his mouth, and takes just the head of my cock. I suck in air sharply. Fuck! His mouth is so hot… so wet… oh… he pulls back to lick the slit. Then plunges in again, taking more this time. Then pulls back. Then more again… this goes on until I can feel his lips rimming the base of my dick. The hot, damp sensation as he exhales through his nose is making my pubic hair moist…I feel the tip of his nose grazing the soft spot just above my cock… his chin brushes against my balls. But the best… the best…when I think he can’t possibly take anymore of me in his mouth – there is no more of me – he does something with his throat so it just taps the tip of my cock.

I grab onto the sheets, looking for something to hold onto to, to squeeze, to pull with my fingers… the intense sensation… he keeps touching just the head… over and over… I can feel sweat breaking out all over my body and I struggle with myself not to jam my hips up, fucking his mouth so hard and so fast that I cum before I know it…

He’s working my dick with his mouth, I don’t know what the fuck he is doing, but he is encasing me, covering me, taking me. I push my legs apart further, opening myself to him, feeling like he has my entire body in his mouth. I just focus everything on that one feeling. That tap, tap, tap against the back of his throat… then he starts stroking me with his tongue, moving it around, sucking gently on my cock…

I suddenly realize I am moaning. Like I always do in situations like this… when I’m fucking or being fucked, I pant. I know I do. But when someone is sucking my dick like this… or rimming me… or doing anything to me where all I have to do is lie there… I can’t stop little moans from escaping my lips with every breath I let out. I guess these are just things you know about yourself. Same way I know I practically laugh with pleasure when I cum.

My whole body is paralyzed… I can’t move… I don’t want to move. Every nerve is focused on the sensations on my cock… can’t believe I almost said no to this…

I can feel his spit dripping down my balls… a slight tickling of hot liquid that quickly turns cool as the air touches it. His fingers brush against my balls gently… then he slides his hands under my ass, his fingers touching my crack… oh God… this is the real reason I didn’t want him to suck me off… because I knew that if… he… I’m holding my breath in anticipation of what I know is going to happen… because if… he… I feel his fingers under my ass shifting… he slides one slippery finger closer to my hole… then he touches it… not entering, just pressing against it… oh Jesus… because I knew that if… he… did exactly this… pushing and rubbing the tip of his finger against my sensitive hole… I knew that there was no way this night would be over until he’d fucked me.

I can’t help but tip my hips in the air, giving him better access to everything… letting him just fucking do what ever he wants with me… I don’t think I can stand it anymore and I want him in me so bad, but I love his mouth on me and I never want him to go… I suck in air quickly, not stopping the moans as they slip from between my lips… I get higher and higher savoring the sweet climb to release. Still he doesn’t enter me… just teases, his finger putting delicious pressure on my hole and the back of his throat massaging the head of my cock. He’s got me… he’s so got me…

Finally I let go… the orgasm spilling over me in waves… I can’t see or think or hear anything… I’m just conscious of him holding me in place, not letting go of me, letting me cum down his throat, his breath against my skin so hot still as he breathes deeper and deeper, moaning a little himself as each shot comes out of me and into him.

When I can breathe again, I laugh because it all feels so good and I don’t know how else to react. It’s too much… too much… but it can’t be over. I still feel the pressure against my ass and I know I need him in me. And I know he wants to be in me, but he’s not assuming anything… he knows he pushed me a little tonight, and doesn’t want to push anymore…

I lie back on the pillows exhausted and ready for more as he climbs up my body, releasing me… the pressure and sensation now gone from me all over and I miss him and I want to take him inside me. I want to feel him in me.

I don’t remember anymore why I didn’t want to do this in the first place, and I guess that’s what Brian knew would happen so he convinced me that fucking was a good idea. As he leans over me, kissing my chest, I take his head in my hands, and pull him to my mouth, sucking on his lips and kissing him hard, smelling myself on him and loving it.

Finally I come up for air and whisper to him, asking him to fuck me. He gives me one last kiss, dipping his tongue into my mouth, then leans back a bit, so I can slide my legs over his shoulders and he can put on a condom. The lube feels so cold on my ass, and I remember not liking that whenever so long ago on my first time, right here in this bed… and now I love the cool, slippery feeling of it, the lack of heat making Brian’s hot cock as it slides into me feel even hotter, burning as he fucks me.

He starts slow, building a delicious rhythm that I know we can maintain for a long time. Just the sensation of him filling me up, of me taking him inside, is so much, my cock gets hard again, slapping against his stomach as he slides in and out, in and out, in and out… his thrusts get shallower, and his breaths come with every movement… sucking in air as he withdraws, releasing it as he dives in.

I know he’s going to cum soon, his brow furrowing a bit, his mouth dropping open, he kisses me again, pushing in even further, a slight brush against my prostate, and his hand slides between us to rub my cock. A few strokes is all it takes, and suddenly I’m cumming into his hand – a quick, sharp orgasm – but I know it’s as much for him as it is for me, because as I cum, my ass contracts around his dick tightly, and he holds himself inside me, relishing the contractions, little laughs coming out of his mouth with each one.

His eyes close tightly and I know he is going to cum hard… he pushes in me faster and faster and I use all my strength to tightly hold him inside, squeezing his cock and suddenly I know it’s over, he moans much louder this time, three, four times, then just collapses, every muscle in his body suddenly relaxing. I feel myself do the same, the effort of fucking and cumming so intense, and now over. He leans his forehead against mine, still panting from release, his skin moist and so hot against mine.

“Justin,” he whispers between breaths.

“Yeah?” I look into his eyes as he speaks.

“When you get freaked out, just think about this, okay?” He whispers to me. “Just think about me fucking you… how relaxed you are right now… it’ll be okay.”

I just nod. He’s so smart. He knows everything about me, and it scares me so much.

He kisses me again, and I hope he’s right.