A journey into enslavement

With the knowledge gained from many years of exploring the lifestyle, I can see now that my sexual and personal orientation has always been submissive. For 32 years I was unaware I was submissive. I just knew helping others felt natural as breathing.

From choice of careers, as a nurse and later as a day care owner/provider, it was clear I had been raised to serve. I put my all into work, burning myself out in jobs because of the need to do more. I never thought about being brought up in a family where women did as expected of them and didn't question the why for's or why nots. To me it was natuaral. I was always the one in the family that was called on in a crisis, the one to shoulder any burden and never once did I complain. Yet now and then I would get a pang that made me wonder if something fundamental was missing from my life.

From adolescence, my sexual fantasies contained elements of D/s. I invented elaborate fantasy worlds where strong men enslaved my mind and body as a matter of course. Though I'd hunger for this to be reality, I kept these dreams completely hidden away, sure I was a bit odd, considering my friends all chattered about love and romance and blah blah blah.

After my first love ended I was emotionally wraught. I had 2 children and guilt the size of the grand canyon. However I was fortunate enough to marry a wonderful man, that helped get me through those early years. Then, all the self doubt returned, and my life began to spiral downwards again. I do not place blame nor judge what went wrong I now merely accept it. I had drowned myself in depression, gained weight month after month and soon, my husband had walked away. Because of my low self-esteem and a rotten body image, I isolated myself from men and any chance of a healthy, intimate relationship. I convinced myself that part of life was over for me.

Then came the Internet.

My corruption started innocently enough. I discovered an online free form role play group in prodigy classic where you could interact with other players anyway you liked. So when my "character" fell in love, it seemed only natural she and her vampire companion should become lovers. And when he held her down during sex, the rush I felt at the keyboard was intense. Being a writer, creating sensual and erotic word images was too much fun. I progressed to adult chat sites. Clothed in anonymity, I began to chat, flirt and cyber to my hearts content. I was even so brazen as to experiment with phone sex as well. I was lost in the world of fantasy

It was in these sites I found rooms dedicated to BDSM and I just had to peek in. I lurked for a long while, taking in the sights. Despite a lingering sense that all this was wrong or perverted, I became more and more fascinated by the interactions I saw between dominants and submissives. I sought out every BDSM Website I could find and devoured page after page of information.

And I made the most important discovery -- people actually did this stuff in real life! The sense of relief I felt was incredible and my old longings resurfaced. This need made me summon up the courage to finally submit to an online dominant. Heavens, I can still remember how my hands were shaking on the keyboard as I virtually stripped and presented myself before him. The emotion of the moment was overpowering. It was however shortlived as I was to discover another important lesson about these rooms, they were full of trollers. (Men that know enough to con another merely for their own sexual gratification)

I knew ihowever even after the bad experiences that I had to explore and see if the emotions were as compelling and heady in real life D/s. If I didn't, I would never be satisfied with my life. Yet this too I kept secret as I had no idea how to go about what I wished to do.
Ihad met a Dom online that lived in Texas and we had formed a casual friendship and He gave me lots of links to read up on the lifestyle, as well answered any and all questions that I had. We talked for several months and I had discovered that I truly wished to taste it in R/T. I had a trip planned to Houston and was thrilled to discover He lived only 45 minutes away.
The first meeting with Him was exillerating. I learned quickly that its much easier in principal than it is in action. My 16 year old daughter was with me and being bored she tagged along with me and Master Dean and His 17 year old brother. I had not until that night realized the impact the life could have on those around me should I choose to pursue it 24/7. We were on our way to the pool hall, when I had misunderstood a comment and when replying rather snippishly found myself bound to silence until told otherwise. Needless to say my daughter as well as His brother were shocked. Neither knowing of the relationship that I shared with Master Dean.
My vacation in Texas certainly opened my eyes and I knew that I would never be complete until I found what I so desperately sought. A Master.
It was shortly after my return that I was in the role play rooms, my character had the tenacity of being quiet the catty vamp. She often referred to men as her "pets" and it was sure to get a rise out of them and start some rather interesting stories. However on this paticular night the tables were turned, and she found herself the object of the hunt. Shadow Wolf circled her, eyeing her appraisingly. With the rather to the point announcement that she would make a nice "pet," she then found herself bound and captive of this man.
To make the story short, this man was my Master. In the weeks to come the role play progressed, and one night we ventured into RT conversation. From there the rest is history. I became that night "His".
It would be nice if I could say the road was an easy one. It was not. I fought my submission every step of the way. I used every excuse I could think of from age difference to distance keeping me from truly submitting. I still to this day do not know why I fought so hard, foolish fear perhaps of coming to accept what I truly am. I would come and go so often in His life that had it been me, I would have turned my head and said, "I know you not". Yet my Master knew, in time I would come to that acceptance and when I did the rewards would be that much sweeter.
I t gives me much pleasure to know that He is proud to own me. That I am His to do with as He will. I am His cum slut, His pain slut, His pet, His completely.

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