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There are so many things in this world that one finds themselves faced with. Some of them are planned for and some of them are put in front of us with no notice. Before you came into my life, my heart was guarded and heavy with sorrow. The loss of my mother still fresh, making my heart ache. Love was a word that I used sparingly and when I did it was with caution. Because if nothing else, I knew that to love someone meant to open yourself up to them baring your heart and your soul. My heart felt cold and scarred after failed attempts at love and losing someone so loved from my life.
I look back on last year when we first met and think about how it was so random and how it seemed like just another "chat" at first. Even before we actually typed a word to each other I watched with amusement as you used your humor and wit to do "battle" as it were. I remember thinking, he is so funny, witty, and intelligent. Then came the little open talk between us...teaching you the alphabet..*grins* and the day the impudent jay_kay strolled up to athena and used her goddess robe to blow his nose on...*lol*. I remember thinking at the time, "why that little impudent ass!". But before I could get too mad, as I typed how I was going to swat you into next week I realized that you were trying to get me mad..trying to entice me, doing what jay_kay did best....flirt.
I can only say that in life we make so many decisions and sometimes we regret them. When I agreed to talk to you in voice the first time, I thought..this will be fun, I'll love hearing his British accent. Of course we did more than talk, and as troubled as I felt over it with conflicting emotions because of Ten. I know I made the right choice. Not because of cyber, it's never been about that...because I had come to know who "Andrew" was and knew that something special was happening in my life.
Fate intervened again with Alma having to go to London and asking me to travel with her. To say that I almost didn't go, now seems so silly...but I realize something was pushing me to make the choice to go. I'm so glad I did. I will remember all of that weekend with you. From the moment I saw you from the train station walking around the corner, to the first time we spoke in person, the first time you kissed me after saying "I've wanted to do this for so long.", to spending a weekend making love, laughing together, eating custard...*chuckles*....all of that sealed in my mind. Somehow, some way, you had managed to slip past my guarded heart and had settled in the middle of it. There you were, making it feel warm again, making me believe that I could love someone again, and that the feelings I had for you were not like any I had felt before.
On the night of August 27th, 2002 at about 5:30 pm my time, when you said "Colleen, will you marry me?" I think my heart actually stopped for a beat..because I didn't think that I would ever love anyone again, let alone find the person who I would want to be with forever.
I know now that I have found that person and that person is you Andrew. My one hope is that I can be all that you want me to be and that I can make you happy. I can only look forward to a life of happiness as long as you are part of my life. You've done so much to make my life better, to help me understand more about myself. I didn't know some of these feelings existed within me. Words will never express how I feel about you. To say I love you doesn't seem enough.
I give you all my heart, my soul and my love. The missing piece of my life is now found. I will love you forever.
-Colleen