Semi Formal, Losing Him, and Other Fun Stuff...
(December 11th, 2003)
I write this on the night of Semi Formal, as Caiti puts on her fake nails. In about an hour, we leave to go for almost 4 hours of music, dancing and friends.. and for some reason, I have this nagging feeling in my stomach that something awkward will happen. Hey, speaking of awkward, that brings me to my next subject..
So before I start in on my next subject, I need to give you some background information here. I personally don't enjoy dating. It seems to me like one big reason to hurt someone else, because so few people at this age can have meaningful relationships.. but that's not to say I don't fall for guys. If I had a nickel for everytime I fell for a different guy, I'd be rolling in it. (which, when i come to think about it, would be kind of painful, non?) Aaaaanyways, I fell for this guy. And the great thing about the way I am is I love having guy friends, so we were pretty close. There were a couple rumours saying he liked me, but thats sort of moot, since i would NEVER do anything about it, for fear of changing anything..plus, i think i have a fear of commitment..if they were even true. Now, I really don't know what to do, since he seems to be involved with this girl. She's not bad, or anything, but I'm biased. She's flirted with my guy friends, and that makes her evil. So now, any feelings he might have had are probably gone, and i feel like i'm losing him gradually, which rips me apart inside. What do I do? I couldn't tell him. People's happiness means alot to me, and she makes him happy. But I'm just so lost.. Because I love him. I'm not in love with him, but he means alot to me. And i can't stop the dull ache..