By Kim Sarich
(Amy is at her boyfriend, Brad's funeral. He's killed himself because his life was horrible and he had just had some sort of fight with her. He took away the only thing she loved in this world and she's deeply upset and furiously angry at the same time. She tells him how she feels standing over his open casket, hoping to relief herself of all the anger before she breaks down.)
AMY: I feel tears but I donít understand why theyíre here.
I donít understand too much but I understand that you arenít what I thought you were.
I believed in you.
I felt that there was something to look forward to seeing.
You fucked it up you know that?
You fucked it all up.
I hate to love you.
I donít know why I ever started...No...
No.. I know why.
I donít really regret it but Iím not sure that I shouldnít.
You make me sick... youíre not even here and you make me sick.
But I love you.
Whatís wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me?
What the hell am I doing here?
I donít even know half these people and theyíre all staring at me wondering why the hell Iím crying over you right now. I donít know what to tell themÖ Are you happy? I actually don't know what to say for once! For once in my life Iím confused and I donít know what to say. Why am I talking to you? Youíre not here... Well, youíre here but....but not there. Why am I crying???? I shouldnít be crying!! (Complete mood change) I need you. You realize youíve completely ruined my life. You were my life... and now youíre gone... so, whatís left for me? I donít know if Iím crying more over the fact that youíre gone and I love youÖ or if itís just because I donít have anything left to live for and youíve taken away the only thing in my life worth caring for. Now what am I supposed to do? I hate you, you know that? I hate you because....because Iím so in love with you. I hate the fact that youíve taken something away so precious. I just wish...no never mind....I donít wish anything. I donít wish.. thatís what youíd expect me to say at a time like this. Well, Iím not going to say anything. Why did you do this to me? You knew this was going to happen so why did you do it to me?? WHY!? WHY AM I CRYING!? I shouldnít be crying. I hate you....so why am I crying!? Brad, promise me one thing...promise me youíll forgive me for hating you right now. I need to hate you right now. (Pause) Promise me another thing...promise me youíll wait for me.
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