BUBBA HO-TEP: AT LONG LAST!

Not only does this mark the first time I've ever been to a screening with Q & A with the stars after the show, but it also marks the first time I have ever been to The Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. With me being 1/2 Egyptian, my friends relish in reminding me that I need to go there more often. Thing is, the Egyptian hardly ever shows movies that I am truly interested in seeing. Sure there's Raiders of the Lost Ark a few times. Last month George Lucas was there talking about ILM. But this reason, oooh, this reason I absolutely had to go. Bubba Ho-Tep.

What? What's Bubba Ho-Tep? Bubba Ho-Tep my friend, is one of the funniest, most clever movies I have ever seen. Cheesey? Sure. High production budget? Not bloody likely. Genius? Yes. Orgasmic? Almost.

Bruce Campbell (More than enough reason to see this movie) plays Elvis Presely. The real Elvis Presely. He faked his own death by swapping places with an Elvis impersonator. Which makes for the FUNNIEST scene in the entire movie. And now he's 60 years old and living in an Old Age Home in Texas. Trapped with him is a black JFK. Claiming that he was dyed black by his enemies to keep him hidden. Played with hysterical dead-pan acuraccy by Ossie Davis. Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis make for the greatest comedy duo since Abott and Costello. They play off each other so well that you could swear they've been doing it for years in Vaudeville.

Unbeknownst to Elvis and JFK, a 4,000 year old Mummy has escaped from his tomb in the lakes just beside the Home. And now he's feeding off of the souls of the Home residents in order to keep itself alive. Let me tell you, there have been some scary movie monsters in the past. Predator, Aliens, Dracula, Wolf-Man, Freddy Kruger, Jason, Pinhead, The Fly, Leatherface, The Blob. But none of them, NONE OF THEM can hold a candle to this Mummy. What he does is so violating, and horrible, that you wouldn't wish his curse upon anyone. He wraps his lips around your asshole, and sucks your soul out from there.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

There are a million, nay, billion other ways to die that are less frightening than that aspect. That is the most horrible way to die that I can think of. God Bless Don Coscarelli for keeping that in the movie, and not altering anything. Seriously, I can't think of a worse way to die than to have some wet Mummy lips puckerd on your sphincter. I'm getting cold shivers just typing it.

But it just wouldn't be a movie without a little something for the guys without a little bit of the ladies in it. Oh yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Heidi Marnhout. This movie NEEDS to see world wide release just for this purpose alone. Her skirt scene is only rivaled by Sharone Stone's. And all I can say, is thank God I didn't have a date that night. I can only feel sorry for everyone else who was there with a girl they're trying to impress when Heidi bends over. Natural Primal Instinct comes in, and every man in the theater devolved back into primates. It also didn't help much that Heidi Marnhout was in the theater at the same time. I wonder how many men offered their phone numbers to her. And how many of them ended up in the trash outside.

Nothing, but nothing, can alter the one shot in the movie that had every Bruce Campbell fan leaping out of his/her seat. Not even Heidi's vixen character could distract our attention from this. JFK and Elvis finally decide that it's time to stop this Mummy once and for all. They pack up their gear and head out to stop him. Ossie in a JFK presidental suit appears from behind a wall and stares down a long hallway. Bruce Campbell in full Elvis attire, appears beside him. And I'm talking full Elvis attire. Bangles, sequans, the whole nine yards. The two of them moving side-by-side down the hall, ready for battle is the release of all the build up from the previous hour and twenty minutes. This shot seals the deal of belief that Bruce Campbell IS Elvis Aaron Presely.

FINAL ANALYSIS!

If there was ever any question that Bruce Campbell can act, this should calm your fears. He sells being 60, and he sells being Elvis. He sells being a 60 year old Elvis. You have no choice but to believe it, because Bruce plays it so well. There is not wink of the notion that Elvis is actually being played by a young man. None. It's this realism, and dedication to the character and the movie, that completly forgives the story line, the script, and the production value.

This is a great movie. Because it's a fun movie, made by people who have fun making movies, who want to show it to people who have fun at movies. There is no complicated equation to figure out! These people are good at what they do.

You really do have to admire the tenacity of Bruce Campbell, and Don Coscarelli. They made this movie, and now have no major studio to back them up with releasing it. Yet they carry on and show the movie anyways to people like me who would literally do anything to attend. That's the kind of audience you want to see this with. Not the ones at the local Multi-plex. The one's where little Billy tricked his mom into taking him to see it. Not the audienced full of soccer moms who think this will be only about Elvis and how wonderful Elvis was. You want to see this with people who wait 6 hours in the rain to see Star Wars.

People who wait 8 hours in the cold to see Two Towers. People who buy all 9 releases of Army of Darkness on DVD. Because they are the ones that will totally enhance the entire process of movie going.

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