Miss Sandy:Good evening Mr. Paulk, I'm so glad you decided to come over for a moonlight dinner on my patio beside the lagoon.
John Paulk:Thank you Miss Sandy, why it's a pleasure to be here. This potato salad is wonderful, and I love these vegetables, and this is the best casserole I've ever had.
Miss Sandy:Oh, why thank you, but please Mr. Paulk, everyone loves my Spinach casserole, even though I prefer to serve it around Christmas time, the colors are so festive. It's a shame your wife couldn't come.
John Paulk:Oh, yes, she would simply adore this potato salad, she always likes to try new kinds of potato salad. And that is such wonderful music in the back ground.
Miss Sandy:Yes, Rachmaninoff's 'Isle of the Dead' is such a beautiful piece. But, if your wife would have loved this so much. Why didn't she come, was she busy or sick?
John Paulk:No, she was afraid being in your presence would cause her last shred of feigned heterosexuality to go flying out the window leaving her once again a lesbian.
Miss Sandy:Well I don't think we need to worry about that, your ex-lesbian of a wife claims to have never had a girlfriend but she does recall many previous boy friends, even dating 3 at one time. I'm sure she'd just go back to her regular bisexual old self.
John Paulk:Oh, Anne was not bisexual, she was a lesbian.
Miss Sandy:John, lesbians do not date 3 guys at one time, it's just contradicts the whole concept of being a lesbian.
John Paulk:Listen, my wife was not Bisexual.
Miss Sandy:Well she certainly wasn't a lesbian, I'm a lesbian, I think I'd know what a lesbian is or what a lesbian is not, and a lesbian is not someone that dates a number of men simultaneously. She could be one of those heterosexual women that had occasional lesbian fantasies during your teen years.
John Paulk:Anne was a lesbian, and I was a homosexual drag queen. I think the both of us would know what it means to be gay.
Miss Sandy:You were a transvestite named Candi. And I didn't invite you over to my house so you could eat my marinated vegetable and have you accuse me of not knowing a lesbian when I see one.
John Paulk:OK, let's change the subject. Something more pleasant.
Miss Sandy:Yes I do agree. It's not very proper to talk about your wife's sexuality with out her presence. She could probably spread more light on the subject. But she decided to stay home in fear I would altar her already constantly changing sexuality.
John Paulk:Right, we could talk about me. Miss Sandy, I used to be a homosexual, female impersonator, I went by the alias of Candi.
Miss Sandy:Yes, I am aware of that.
John Paulk:And then I gave the gay lifestyle up with the help of Jesus Christ.
Miss Sandy:Actually you gave up your lifestyle.
John Paulk:No, I gave up homosexuality. I was miserable, and it was from my sinful lifestyle. So with the help of Jesus I gave it up.
Miss Sandy:John, please do not confuse being homosexual, with being an $80 an hour cross dressing hooker. Jesus told Mary of Magdalene to stop being a prostitute, not stop being heterosexual. Any ways, would you care for dessert?
John Paulk:Why yes I would like dessert, what is it.
Miss Sandy:Lemon custard cake.
John Paulk:Sounds wonderful. Now as I was saying, I am an ex-gay. I went from a homosexual, to a heterosexual with the help of God.
Miss Sandy:Actually you are an ex-ex-ex-gay, you went from homosexual, to heterosexual, to homosexual, to heterosexual. Sounds like a bisexual pattern to me.
John Paulk:I am not Bisexual, and I never went from heterosexual back to homosexual.
Miss Sandy:wow, John, you and Anne were made for each other, both of you have been every sexuality under the sun at one point in your life. And yes you did go back to homosexual.
John Paulk:Are you referring to that gay bar I was in.
Miss Sandy:Well, Duh.
John Paulk:I was only there to use the bathroom. These gay organizations have twisted it into something it's not.
Miss Sandy:So you to using the bathroom, takes about an hour, and consists with making small talk with other guys, and offering them drinks, none of with actually took place IN the bathroom?
John Paulk:No, I went into the bathroom, but I didn't know it was a gay bar. When I realized it was a gay bar I thought maybe I shouldn't be there.
Miss Sandy:But you stayed any ways, and for quite awhile. And really Mr. Paulk, how could someone not realize that a bar on Dupont wasn't a gay bar. That's one of the largest homosexual areas in Washing DC not to mention the nation.
John Paulk:No, I had to go to the bathroom, and it looked like a nice place.
Miss Sandy:The place you found just happened to be a gay bar?
John Paulk:Yes.
Miss Sandy:That doesn't explain why you offered to buy other guys drinks.
John Paulk:Yum, this custard is good.
Miss Sandy:Yes it is, and so was your attempt to change the subject, everyone knows I can't resist praise to my cooking.
John Paulk:I wasn't changing the subject, just like I never changed from straight to gay.
Miss Sandy:Then why did you tell man at that establishment you were gay? He said he was gay, asked if you were gay, and you said, "yes".
John Paulk:I told a little lie to get more information.
Miss Sandy:Yes, most guys tell little lies when they need more info on how to get into someone's pants.
John Paulk:No, I wanted information for my job, I talk a lot about the bar experience in regard to the gay lifestyle. I wanted to be up to date with my knowledge.
Miss Sandy:So, you'll lie about your sexuality to get information. One would wonder if you'd lie about your sexuality to get attention, a job, and money.
John Paulk:No, I am not making up my conversion to heterosexuality for popularity or money.
Miss Sandy:Has 'Newsweek' did a retraction yet?
John Paulk:I'M NOT GAY.
Miss Sandy:We've already established your bisexual behavior.
John Paulk:Why do you have to be so difficult? I used to be called: Fag, Homo, Queer. Now I'm called: Man, Husband, Christian. What do people call you?
Miss Sandy:I'm surprised people don't call you: Lard Butt, Fatty, Sumo. And people call me Sandy, seeing how that is my name.
John Paulk:Are you poking fun of my weight?
Miss Sandy:No, I'm just stating that if people called you names based on your sexuality, I'm sure they called you names based on your weight. And really, if you spent half as much energy on trying to loose a few pounds as you do on trying to convince everyone that you really are straight; you would be the next Richard Simmons.
John Paulk:Everything I do, is to support good family values. I have 2 children of my own. Children are much better off being raised by two married straight people, a traditional family.
Miss Sandy:But instead your children are being raised by two married people that spend all day telling others about their sex lives. John, what do you think your kid's are going to say when the teacher asks all the kids, "and what does your daddy do for a living" tell everyone, "He tells other boys and girls he used to be a drag queen hooker."?
John Paulk:No they will tell the teacher I work for Focus on the Family.
Miss Sandy:And the little girl across the room will raise her pudgy little hand and ask, "Aint your daddy that fat guy that used to wear a dress?"
John Paulk:Listen Sandy, I turned my life around. I'm right with God now, and I'm living a decent life. I changed with the grace of God.
Miss Sandy:You changed with the emotional abuse and scare tactics of Exodus International, and a comfy office at Focus on the Family.
John Paulk:Are you mocking the power of God?
Miss Sandy: I'm not the one that banters on and on about how God changed me until I came across a gay bar. Apparently, from your example, the gay bars of Washington DC are more powerful then God.
John Paulk: You only put up this embittered front cause you yourself are insecure and want to change.
Miss Sandy: No, I am annoyed at all these bisexuals that think they are gay then straight. And you yourself are pretty insecure, you cling to religion, Focus on the Family, and Exodus. And after that whole conversion experience you put on weight. Maybe you do that cause you feel insecure as a heterosexual husband that can't go ten minutes without thinking of caressing an Asian American male's butt.
John Paulk:Well, I can see this isn't going well, I think I will be leaving now.
Miss Sandy:Yes, I agree, everything was fine until you had to direct all the attention to your sexuality. In fact why don't you leave now, I'll pack some food in a doggy bag for the Misses. I'd tell you to not let the door hit you on they way out, but; I think you should be wary that I don't hit you on the way out.
For some more information about the Ex-gay at the gay bar. Click here.
For more information about the fraud named John Paulk that masquerades around as a heterosexual, click here.
