by Mary Borsellino
thebitterone@hotmail.com
Title: Self-absorption
Author: Mary Borsellino (thebitterone@hotmail.com)
Rating: PG
Summary: Billy and Ellie have a conversation at Ellie's wedding
Disclaimer: These characters are the intellectual property of people
much richer than I, and who therefore could afford much better lawyers
than I, so it would be nice if they didn't sue.
Archive: Just let me know here it's going if you want it.
Notes: This is my first try at writing in this fandom, so tell me if
I'm doing something dreadfully wrong.
The reception was dragging on into the night, distant relatives
getting steadily drunker and steadily more grating on the nerves.
Billy waited until none of these distant relative were accosting him
and then made a break for it, sneaking out to the courtyard of the
hotel and sitting on the edge of a dry fountain filled with dead, damp
leaves outside.
"Some day they're going to study these plants in fossil form and
wonder what the hell we pumped our poor vegetation with to make it
green and shiny and resistant to bugs." a slightly slurred woman's
voice informed him. Ellie wasn't wearing her wedding dress anymore,
but the powder-blue sundress was just as atypical for her. Billy had
always liked Ellie, she had a sense of humor he appreciated and she
never got tired of explaining her work to an interested listener.
"Do you have a cigarette you could spare?" she asked hopefully,
sitting beside him on the cement edge of the fountain. She was
twisting a crystal champagne flute between her fingers, and Billy was
willing to bet it wasn't the first of the night.
"Trying to quit, sorry."
"That's ok. I'm supposed to be stopping too. Bad for the baby." Ellie
agreed, scuffing her white shoes against the slightly grimy tiled
ground.
"Congratulations." Billy said with a smile. Ellie smiled back, but her
expression looked as if it were threatening to collapse at any moment.
"Thankyou. This is what I've always wanted, really. A three book deal,
my first child on the way, a life ahead of me with a man I love, who
loves me..." Ellie sighed. "It's just that, whenever I imagined having
all this, Alan was the one there with the kids, teaching them about
how brontosaurus is apatosaurus now and me forcing him to get up in
the night when the children had nightmares about raptors because of
all the scary stuff he'd told them." a smile at the fantasy made her
expression soften, but then she sighed. "Do you know how close Alan
and I came to all this?" her hand swept out to include all the lit
windows of the ballroom, behind which the wedding reception babbled
on.
"How close?" Billy asked, because he knew that was his cue.
"About this close!" Ellie laughed, stretching her arms wide. "Alan was
always too self-absorbed to let someone else in his life, really. I
thought, for a while there, that he and I might have a chance at
something. I loved him enough, after all. He was the best, y'know?"
she turned her face up, and Billy saw tears in the corners of her
eyes. He nodded, but Ellie was already looking down at the champagne
flute in her hands again, twisting it to make the light dance and
refract on her face.
"But he's so wrapped up in himself he never sees anything else. It's
all work, work, work. Those fossils are more important than anything
alive in Alan's world."
"You're passionate about your work, too." Billy pointed out.
"But not at the cost of everything else. He never sees things if
they're not what he's focused on, no living breathing woman could ever
take the place of those dry bones in the ground." Ellie shook her
head. "I mean, he brought his research assistant to a wedding, for
crying out loud. Human interactions are always second best compared to
a world long dead for Alan." Another shake of Ellie's head, and she
put the champagne glass down beside her on the fountain's edge. "Do
you have someone special, Billy?"
He nodded.
"Treat her properly, ok? Don't make her compete with your work,
because I know you're just like him, you forget the world around you
sometimes. Don't turn into a snarky self-absorbed old malcontent."
Ellie smiled at her own words then, a sudden unexpected grin. "I'm
sorry. Don't tell your boss I called him that. I get all stupid and
maudlin when I'm drunk, I'm sorry you had to listen to this garbage."
"It's ok." Billy assured her. "It's good you let it out now, so it
doesn't become a problem in your marriage. Remind yourself of all the
reasons you can't be with Alan, and your new relationship will be
better for it."
"So wise." another grin from Ellie, this one exhausted. "At least
Alan's got someone around who understands people. Look, don't let him
stay isolated in his own little universe all the time, ok? Make him, I
don't know, go on a blind date or something!"
They both laughed at that, shook hands and smiled as Billy
congratulated Ellie one last time, and then headed back inside to the
party.
"What were you talking about, out there for so long?" Alan asked.
Billy shrugged with a wide smirk and grabbed two drinks off a passing
tray, handing one to Alan as he answered.
"People who are too self-absorbed to see what's going on right in
front of them, basically."
