Jonny Quest vs Li Shaoron
A solo effort by Carlos Alexandre, a.k.a. "CMA" (CMA)
DISCLAIMER: Any characters mentioned in this story that are not the distinctive
likenesses of anyone else--including, but not limited to, Jonny Quest, Sega,
Sonic Team, Clamp, etc.--were created by me, and may not be used without our
permission. All characters and distinctive likenesses not created by me are the
property of their respective owners.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Firstly, this story is rated PG-13 for mature subject matter
and relatively mild language. Secondly, this story is the official prequel to
The Adventures of Eggman (by the Triple Peeps). Find Triple Peeps at
[Quest Team's Palm Key HQ]
[As we join our story already in progress, our intrepid young blonde hero Jonny
Quest is practicing his much vaulted "cartoon Judo" in the sand. Young hottie
Jessie Bannon is looking on]
Jonny [practicing, and performing flawlessly, impossible flips, kicks, fake Judo
throws, and high jumps]: You know, when I think about it, there are really no
other athletic, intelligent, teenage blonde boys out saving the world. I think
that makes me pretty damn special!
Jessie [shaking her head]: This doesn't surprise me in the least--
Jonny [cutting her off]: I know! There has to be some adolescent SOMEWHERE who
can kick my ass.
Jessie [evil smile]: You're in luck, my dear brainless brain! It just so
happens that I know a 13-year old Chinese boy living in Japan who can kick the
crap out of you in a second!
Jonny: Intriguing. [Calls out] HEY, DAD, I'M BORROWING THE QUEST-JET, OR
WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS THAT WE FLY!
Dr. Quest [voice coming from inside the Quest Compound]: BE BACK FOR DINNER!
Race [again, from inside the compound]: JESSIE, IF YOU PUT THE MOVES ON JONNY,
I'M GOING TO MURDER HIM!
Jessie [evil smile; seductive voice]: Hey, Jonny, want to sneak a peek?
Jonny [angry]: Go to hell, Jess, stop it--
Race [now outside the compound, giving Jonny a death glare]: Now you DIE!
Jonny [running for his life]: Gotta go!
[Kinomoto Residence, Japan. Sakura is worried because she invited her boyfriend
Shaoron to dinner. Sakura's older brother, Touya, and Shaoron happen to hate
each other. You could cut the tension at the dinner table with a knife.]
Touya [death-glaring at Shaoron]: Kid, please pass the soda.
Shaoron [grabbing the soda bottle in one swift ninja motion; speaking in a tone
that would frighten small children]: Why certainly. Here you are.
Touya [ripping the bottle from Shaoron's hands]: Thank you.
Sakura [nervous, "I want this to end NOW" voice]: So, um, dad, this food's
Sakura's Dad: Actually, Touya made it!
Shaoron [mumbling under his breath]: That's why it sucks--
Touya [standing up suddenly]: RIGHT HERE!!!
[Shaoron and Touya start fighting. The fight quickly spills outside.]
Shaoron [magically making his sword appear]: Force, hear my plight, RELEASE THE
Touya: YEOW! THAT'S IT! I CALL UPON MY DEAD BUDDIES! GO GET HIM!
Shaoron: Ha, even I know that you can't do tha-- [gets tackled by several
apparitions] HOLY CRAP! GET 'EM OFFAME!!!
[Sakura runs outside and does the old "anime sweat drop." Tomoyo appears for no
Tomoyo [bright and cheerful, as usual]: Hey, Sakura! Who's fighting?
Sakura [hanging head]: My brother and Li-kun.
Tomoyo [whipping out video camera]: This'll be grade-A material for my website!
Shaoron: That's it! TIME CARD-- [Shaoron looks towards Sakura] Oh, yeah,
right, she has all the cards, now...
[For no apparent reason, Shadow the Hedgehog and Dr. Eggman are walking near
wherever the hell Sakura's house is.]
Eggman: See, Shadow, I told you this place would be sunny and happy! Like me!
[a bird chirps; Eggman pulls out his trusty laser-handgun]: DIE, HAPPY BIRD!
[shoots, misses, and the bird flies off] Damn straight.
Shadow [noticing something off in the distance]: I think there's a fight going
on somewhere. Let's go see! [runs off]
Eggman: Wait up! [runs after Shadow]
[Unknown to the two, they were being watched.]
Eriol [spying on Eggman and Shadow from a nearby rooftop]: I'm really bored.
Time to give Sakura another "test."
Touya [standing over Shaoron, who still has dead spirits beating on him]: What
do you say, punk? Find a new girlfriend, or suffer more?
Shaoron [trying to fight off the ghosts]: No... way... I didn't harbor a secret
crush for THREE YEARS and have it come true just to give up to some Sixth Sense
reject! FORCE, HEAR MY PLIGHT! FIRE!
[Li summons all his power and creates a wall of fire. The blaze disperses the
ghosts and stuns Touya long enough for Li to plant a flying side kick.]
Shaoron [standing victorious over Touya]: Stay away from my girl.
Touya: I'm her brother, you idiot.
Shaoron: ... oh, yeah ... Well, at the very least, just let me be happy with
Touya [getting up, dusting himself off]: Fine, fine. I'm taking off for a few
days, because I have a feeling that I'm not going to be important to the plot
for a while. See ya. [walks off]
Tomoyo [turning off her camera]: Wow, talk about plot manipulation.
Sakura [looking down]: I'm still hungry...
Jonny [looking at a map, wandering the streets of Japan near Sakura's house]:
This sucks. There's got to be an easier way! Hey, Jess!
Jessie: What is it now?
Jonny: Can't you just TELL me where this Li Shaoron lives?
Jessie: After I visit an old friend of mine--hey, there he is now! [calls out]
Touya [walking; notices Jessie]: Small world, isn't it!? How's it going,
Jessie: Not bad! Touya, this is Jonny Quest. Jonny, meet Kinomoto Touya.
Jonny [shaking Touya's hand]: How's it going?
Touya [nodding at Jonny politely]: What brings you to Japan, Jess?
Jessie [crossing her arms, pointing at Jonny]: Wonder-boy, here, wants to take
Touya [looks at Jonny]: You seem pretty tough, kid, but that punk's pretty
good. You'll have trouble. He's at my house, by the way. [Touya shudders] He
and Sakura finally "found each other," or something equally sickening.
Jessie [face lights up]: Really? That's awesome! [grabs Jonny's arm] C'mon,
Jonny! [runs off] See you later, Touya!
Touya [waves]: Yeah, yeah.
Sakura: Did you HAVE to start a fight, Li-kun?
Shaoron [looks down]: I'm sorry, Sakura.
Sakura [smiling]: That's okay. Come on, let's go inside and finish dinner!
[Without warning, a limo pulls up to Sakura's home. A window rolls down, and
Sakura sees Eriol laughing manically, brandishing what appeared to be an Uzi.]
Eriol [crazy voice]: Hey, Sakura, see if you can pass this test! [starts
Sakura [jumping and rolling out of the way]: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! IT JUST NEVER
ENDS, DOES IT!? [pulls out the Earthy card, then uses her Sakura staff on it]
STAR CARD!!! TREMBLE THE EARTH!!!
[The embodiment of the Earthy card sinks into the ground around Eriol's
limousine. A large shard of rock pushes the limo into the air, where it falls
on the street. Eriol climbs out, gun in hand.]
Eriol: Now, Sakura, what have you learned from this?
Sakura [really pissed off]: Learned!? LEARNED!?
[Suddenly, Jonny Quest grabs Eriol from behind and relieves him of the weapon.]
Jonny [holding Eriol]: Now, now, little boys shouldn't be playing with weapons
Eriol: Little boy? I'll have you know, child, that I am the embodiment of
Jonny [quickly "cartoon Judo" chops Eriol's neck, knocking him out; hands Eriol
off to Ruby, who conveniently appeared out of nowhere]: Take him home. And
tell him to lay off the café lattes.
Ruby: Will do! [takes off]
Sakura [happy again]: Hey, Jessie! Long time no see! And thank you, um--
Jonny [bowing]: Jonny Quest, at your service!
Jessie [smirks]: You're a shameless flirt, Jonny. [looks at Li] Hey, Li!
Jonny here wants to challenge you!
Shaoron: Well, I'm kind of tired right now, what with the fight with Touya and
dodging bullets and all. Can it wait until tomorrow?
Jonny [evil smile]: Coward.
Shaoron [gets into fighting stance]: RIGHT HERE!
Tomoyo [turning on her camera again]: All right! More material for my movie!
Sakura: You're making a movie?
Tomoyo: Yep! Say, aren't you going to convince Shaoron not to fight?
Sakura [stomach growling]: I need food to stay sane... so... GO, LI-KUN!
Shaoron [turning away from Jonny to acknowledge Sakura]: Don't worry, my love.
I'll be fine--
Jonny [interrupting Li with a--you guessed it--flying side kick]: You're boring
Jessie [angry]: That was cheap, Jonny! I hope he kicks the crap out of you!
Jonny [turning away from Li to acknowledge Jessie]: Not going to happen, babe--
Shaoron [interrupting Jonny with a leg sweep]: I'll be fair, arrogant one. I
won't use my sword on you unless I have to cast magic.
Jonny [catching himself before he fell totally]: Oh, yeah? Then, in return, I
won't call upon the powers of Plot Manipulation (tm) to make myself win!
Shaoron: Fair enough, considering your roots. But even Hanna-Barbera can't
save you from defeat! GET READY! [charges at Jonny]
[Jonny charges at Li. The scene turns into one of those "anime-stills" where we
see Jonny and Li about to collide.]
Shadow [rocket roller-blading at high speeds]: Hurry up, Eggman, I want to see
Eggman [following Shadow at a pretty good velocity (which he can do, which you
know if you've played the Sonic games)]: I'm going, I'm going! What is it
we're after, anyway?
Shadow: I want to see if-- [gasps]
[Back to the fight.]
[Jonny gains the upper hand briefly by dodging several of Li's punches and
countering with an actual Judo throw. While on the ground, Li kicks up and
plants a volley of fast punches in Jonny's gut.]
Shaoron [preparing a spell]: Force, hear my plight! RELEASE THE LIGHT! WATER!
Jonny [getting sucked up into a waterspout]: UGH! Damn, this isn't good! I
need an equalizer! [pulls out one of his father's inventions: a
metabolic-enhancer belt, and straps it on] Time to play.
[Jonny leaps from the waterspout and lands next to Shaoron. Missing a backhand
fist, Shaoron is pummeled at superhuman speed by the now-enhanced Jonny Quest.]
Shaoron [falling to the ground, face-first]: Ugh, how? How did you get so fast
all of a sudden?
Jonny [flashing the belt]: Metabolic enhancer. An invention of my father's. I
think using it is more than fair, seeing as how I can't use that flashy magic
stuff, wouldn't you say?
Shaoron [gets up quickly]: FORCE! LIGHTNING! [Li shoots many lightning bolts
through his sword at Jonny; most of them connect, but Jonny seems unfazed]
Jonny [shoulder tackles Li and sends him flying back a ways]: Sorry, my friend,
but this enhancer improves my endurance, too, both physical and otherwise! I
could probably stand on the Eiffel tower during a thunderstorm with this baby--
Shaoron [interrupts Jonny with a sudden knee to the groin]: I bet... that still
hurts... [both Li and Jonny collapse]
Tomoyo: Wow, this is great! Hey, wait a minute-- [makes anime "heart eyes" as
she notices Shadow watching the fight; tugs at Sakura's sleeve, squealing in a
high-pitched tone] SAKURA! SAKURA! LOOK! HE IS REAL!
Sakura [looks at Tomoyo, then looks at Shadow]: Didn't he die? Oh well. Why
don't you go say hello, Tomoyo?
Tomoyo [already halfway to Shadow]: YAY!!!
Shadow [surprised to see the Card Captor Sakura crew]: Wow, they ARE real!
Tomoyo [jumping at Shadow]: SHADOW-CHAN!!!
Shadow [pushes Tomoyo out of the way by the face; Tomoyo crashes into a fence,
or something, and is knocked out (how terribly cruel...)]: Outta the way, you!
Why is Shang-Tsung fighting the Quest kid?
Shaoron [slowly getting to his feet]: It's Shaoron, not Shang-Tsung--
Shadow: Yeah, whatever, Cereal. Why you fightin' the Planeteer wannabe?
Jonny [also recovering]: Planeteer!? You're next, hedgehog!
Shadow [laughing]: As if you could take me! Who do I look like, some
QuestWorld sex doll?
Jessie [angry]: HEY! We do NOT use QuestWorld to--
Shadow [interrupting]: Blah, blah, blah!!! You only appeared in half the
episodes anyway, Red, why should I listen to you?
Jessie [steaming]: Oh, that is IT! Prepare to die! [charges at Shadow]
Shadow [producing a Chaos Emerald out of nowhere]: CHAOS [jumps over Jessie,
aims his free hand down directly at her, then...] CONTROL!!! [Jessie
disappears in a flash of light] HA HA! That takes care of the Bannon girl
without having to resort to hitting her! I AM a gentleman, after all!
Jonny [worried]: JESSIE! What did you do?
Shadow [cocky]: Don't worry, you fruity looking real-life Jonny Bravo. I just
warped her back to your Palm Key HQ. She's probably enjoying her QuestWorld
orgy right about now--
Jonny [running at incredible speed towards Shadow]: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!
Shadow [side-stepping Jonny's charge as if it were nothing, then does a Homing
Attack on Jonny's back]: Hmph! Pathetic humans! Hey, I haven't used that line
in a while! Attack me again, Hanson groupie!
Jonny [kneeling down, breathing heavily]: Damn, Jessie's right; I get into WAY
too many fights.
Shaoron [suddenly appears in front of Jonny, holding the metabolic enhancer
belt]: Never take your eyes off me. [Knocks Jonny unconscious with a
well-placed spear-hand to the chest]
Eggman [appearing out of nowhere (which seems to be the norm for this story),
wearing the Medabots referee garb]: Function ceased! The winner is...
Shaoron [anime "angry eyes"]: That's SHAORON!
Eggman: Yes, yes, whatever, Li Madagascar.
Shaoron [confused and irritated]: Guh, wha, what? That wasn't even close to my
Eggman: Furthermore, I've decided to take over Sakura's house.
Sakura [still in her hunger daze]: Yeah, whatever. ... What?
Eggman: Go, Egg Viper 2!
[A large robotic serpent appears over Sakura's home. Eggman makes a
death-defying AND logic-defying leap into the new Egg Viper's cockpit]
Shaoron: No way! TIME CARD!
[Shaoron looks to the hunger-dazed Sakura, who is waving the Time Card in front
of her playfully.]
Shaoron: Why do I keep forgetting that? Dammit, I'm too tired to use magic
against that thing.
Jonny [coming to]: Are you just going to give up?
Shaoron [looking towards Jonny]: What?
Jonny: You came back from behind and beat me, even when I was wearing the
enhancer. You were tired, and hungry, and probably dying to see Sakura in some
sort of swimwear. Am I correct?
Shaoron [blushing profusely]: Yeah, so?
Jonny: What I'm saying is, as a good loser, I'm going to help you beat that
Shaoron [smiles]: All right, then, let's do it! Shadow?
Shadow [standing around doing nothing]: What is it?
Jonny: Can we borrow that Chaos Emerald for a minute?
Shadow: What's in it for me?
Shaoron: Soap Shoes gift certificates, and--
Shadow: DEAL! [tosses the emerald to Li]
Sakura [still dazed]: I need food. But, to get food, I need save house. Save
house is good.
[Jonny and Li each have a hand on the Chaos Emerald. Just before the Egg Viper
crushes Sakura's house...]
Jonny and Shaoron [simultaneously]: CHAOS CONTROL!
[The Egg Viper freezes in place.]
Eggman [within the Viper]: Oh, COME ON!!! I WASN'T GOING TO KILL ANYONE!!! I
NEEDED SAKURA'S HOUSE AS A BASE SO I COULD BUILD MY HYPNOTIC CARNIVAL RIDES!!!
YOU'RE ALL SO CRUEL!!!
Shaoron [calling to Sakura]: SAKURA! NOW!!!
Sakura [snaps out of it for a moment]: Got it! [pulls out Windy card]: STAR
CARD! DESTROY THE EGG VIPER 2!
[Windy blows the Egg Viper 2 apart with several wind blades. Eggman flies out
and lands next to Tomoyo, who is coming to.]
Tomoyo [groggy]: Oh, man, what happened-- [sees Eggman and starts squealing]
Eggman [pushes Tomoyo aside by the face]: Outta the way, you!
Sakura's Dad [comes outside]: Oh, Dr. Eggman, you're here! When are you going
to build the hypnotic rides?
Sakura's Dad: Oh, sorry for not telling you, Sakura. Eggman was scheduled to
build some carnival rides here to help him take over Japan. He assured me that
he would rule in a fair and just manner!
Eggman [stands triumphantly]: Which I STILL intend to do! But maybe we should
cancel the project, Mr., um, Sakura's Dad. It seems as if these kids like
things the way they are.
Jonny [handing the Chaos Emerald back to Shadow]: One day, you and me are going
to have a rematch, Li Shaoron. Until then, farewell. [starts walking away,
when suddenly] Hey, um, Shadow, could you use Chaos Control to send me back
Shadow: CHAOS CONTROL! [Jonny disappears] What an annoying twerp.
Sakura [hugs Shaoron]: Good job today, Li-kun!
Shaoron [hugs Sakura back]: My love, anything for you! Want to go shopping for
Tomoyo [aboard the Egg Carrier; talking on her cell phone]: Mom, I'm going to
be out of the country for a few months. Eggy-chan needs me to do Eggman Empire
commercials while he goes on adventures!
Eggman: How exactly did this happen again, Shadow?
[Later, at the Quest Compound in Palm Key]
Jonny: Jessie, I think I learned something today. Despite losing, I was able
to push past my pride and unite with my former opponent against a common foe.
Jessie [treating Jonny's various cuts and bruises]: Well, good for you, Jonny!
I know several other people who'd be happy to teach you humility--
Jonny: NO, no, once every two years is quite enough...
Race: AHA! Time to learn humility, Jonny Quest!
Jonny [running for his life]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
To be continued...
The Triple Peeps (consisting of myself, Grand Master Shoma, and Judge Neusy)
present The Adventures of Eggman! What duties does Tomoyo perform as the Eggman
Empire's new second-in-command? Will Eggman's trip to Pop-Star be fun for all,
or will he drive Kirby insane?
Also from Triple Peeps:
Cronies - our premiere (and best known) Sonic series, and the one that will
continue being updated for a long time
Sonic Iron Chef - nothing but wonderful absurdity
===> C M A <===