by Happy Gilmore & Zer0
10-03-01
by Happy
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The word love means so many things on so many different levels, but it is thrown around more often than a baseball in a 23 inning baseball game. Why has this word been tormented to the point where it almost means nothing? Then again, I think it all depends on the person saying it. The meaning of love, to me, is the ability of someone to give a self-sacrifice to see the one they love happy. Case in point, my relationship with my ex (you know, the one I speak of often and has a boyfriend). She still wants to be friends, yet she drops hints of sex very frequently. That in itself deserves a "story time", so that might be for tomorrow. Long story short, she wants to be friends with benefits while she has a boyfriend??? Correct me if I'm wrong, cause that's what it sounds like to me. She wants me for sex and a friend, but that's it...no love. In yesterday's rant, I talked about finding love, and if you've kept up with what I have written, then you know how I feel about love. It's there and you reap all the benefits, or it's not and nothing happens. Now she made me promise to her that I wouldn't have sex with anyone I didn't love and I made that promise to myself a long time ago, but now what is she saying? That's what I thought...see how easy people's minds can change. But she's always been hypocritical, so why didn't I see that coming? She tells me everything and recently it's been how slow her boyfriend is moving and how she wants to go fast...which leads me only to conclude the stated materials. The way she comments about my arse, abs, the way I kiss, and me in general...it just leads me to believe this. Now don't give her all the credit for thinking of having sex with me and dating some guy and not thinking it's cheating...she didn't get that all by herself. One of her friends recently broke up with her boyfriend and they continue to have sex...they just don't kiss. But what is that? To me it makes no sense and is completely below me. Okay...now you'll see how you'll use that background...I love my ex with all my heart, and I will do most anything to see her happy...But what did I just say??? I don't believe in sex without love and I won't have sex unless I am in love and so is the person I am having sex with. Thus I'm at a terminal impact...a vertical horizon...a paradox to be plain and simple...what to do, what to do...She says she loves me, but I don't see how that's possible, because she doesn't care about the happiness of me in this instant, so why should I believe in her so called "love"?? Love is such a splendid thing; too bad most people don't mean it when they say it. Most people say "I love you" when they mean "I lust you". Love is a trust issue with me, and you and I both know that only experience leads to trust in my world...I've been "expletive-deleted" over too many times to trust on first inclination. So be honest and say what you mean...not what you think you mean. I love you, my little daisy, from the bottom of my heart. That's it for today...hope I helped you become a better person somehow...if not...in the words of The Offspring, "WELL "expletive-deleted" YOU!!!!"
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