Break
the Cycle
-You have the power to stop-
There's a point you
reach when you're eating. Something inside you snaps. Then the voices start.
"You've eaten too much. You're going to get fat. Get rid of it!" The food
inside you hurts, it feels alien, it doesn't belong in your body. So you
get rid of it. Every time I threw up was the last time. The whole act filled
me with such shame and contempt for myself. I have no control over myself.
Blood would rush to my head, I couldn't stop crying, sometimes the stomach
acids would go up my nose and burn. I knew what I was doing to myself,
I just didn't care. Then, one day I did. I couldn't keep living like this...
-
First of all, from this
moment on, you are not bulimic. You are a recovering
bulimic. If you mention it to other
people, or think about it yourself, never forget that word: recovering.
-
Secondly, tell someone.
Tell an understanding friend, family member, guidance counselor, a teacher.
People are more than willing to understand and help if you give them the
chance.
-
Seek professional help.
A professional will help you undestand why this behaviour occurs and help
you to love yourself more. Also, it's important that you get your blood
tested. This will determine if your electrolytes are alright, of if you
have aenemia (severe iron deficiency).
-
Keep a food diary. In
it, record what you eat: how much of each item, how you feel emotionally
when you're eating, how hungry you are, and record whether or not you purge.
This will help you eat when you are hungry and happy and see if certain
moods or times of day lead to purging behaviour. Finding out your triggers
is very important.
-
Think of things to do
when you feel the urge to eat and compensate. Maybe yoga or meditation
for relaxation, or a book you can get caught up in, have a friend you can
talk to or play a board game with, go for a walk, draw... the possibilities
are endless. My boyfriend told me that I had to tell him if I ever relapsed.
That was a big deterrent, because I never wanted to have to tell him that.
-
Try to eat with people.
But, definately not dieters or other people with eating disorders.
Engage in conversation and enjoy talking and spending time with people
while eating. This will also help you determine how much to eat, by seeing
how other people eat. Don't count calories and fat grams.
-
Make a list of what you're
going to eat for each meal ahead of time. This will help you to avoid any
surprises and have more control over food. Discover what Normal
Eating is.
-
Check out my wonderful
page of Books and Links. It's so incredeble that so many people out there
feel just like I feel, and do the same things I do. It made me feel less
alone.
You might relapse,
but don't beat yourself up about it. Recovery from bulimia takes time,
and it's important to think of how much you are improving and will improve
in the long run.
Recovery from bulimia
is difficult. A heroin addict simply stops taking heroin and aviods places
and people with heroin. You need food to survive and be healthy. You need
to learn a new relationship with food and yourself. Trust youself and your
body. It's the only one you've got.
Put your hands
to your head, stick out your tongue and shout:
"Buh-bye Bulimia...
nyah nyah nyah"
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