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“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain”

Depression can be fatal. Suicide is the ultimate effect of depression (see depression) and intense pain. Committing suicide is where a person deliberately ends their life by overdosing, self-cutting (slitting wrists, throat, etc. Not to be confused with self-harm - see self-harm), jumping, hanging, drowning, shooting or suffocation, etc.

Suicide is always a major sign that something is seriously wrong, but unfortunately for those who succeed there is no chance ever for things to improve. Suicide is final.

Usually suicide implies that there have been problems for a length of time and it came to a head, before anyone could intervene. Many suicide victims were clinically depressed and the suicide/attempted suicide was just the result of ongoing problems triggered by one ‘final straw’. When someone, who has been depressed for a period of time, is suicidal, ending their life is not a choice, it’s the only option. They don’t think anything can or will ever get better and see killing themselves as the only way to end the suffering; theirs and other people’s.

These signs do not mean that person is definitely going to commit suicide and a suicidal person may not show all these signs or any at all. However if you notice these signs in a person, you should be worried and should try and get some urgent help or talk to that person about how they are feeling.

Many people believe suicide is selfish because the suicidal person is only thinking about ending their pain and doesn’t consider the pain it will cause others. However this is not usually the case. Often the suicidal person spends time thinking about the effects their death will have on family/friends, but whether true or not, comes to the the conclusion that it is everyone’s best interests for them to die. The person is often so low on self-esteem that they think their family/friends would be better off without them, because then they don’t have to put up with them. Sometimes, suicidal people believe that although their death will cause pain, it will cause less than them staying alive. If they are alive their family/friends have to suffer constantly but if they kill themselves, they will be upset, but they can get over it and continue their lives.

Often after a suicide, family/friends ask themselves why that person didn’t ask for help and say they are selfish for not thinking of them. The reason they didn’t ask for help is often because they didn’t want to worry or hurt the family/friends and were thinking only of the other person. Then they are triggered unexpectedly and feel they have no one to turn to and so turn to suicide.

A suicide always effects the people who are left behind. This is usually relatives and friends but people such as medics, witnesses and acquaintances can also be affected.

A death always causes people who cared about the deceased to grieve, but mourning over a suicide victim is always more painful. There are many questions that are left unanswered and the relatives/friends always feel that there was something they should or could have done. The guilt of the people left behind means that the grieving lasts longer than normal and is more painful because they often blame themselves.

A suicide is not the end of depression; it ends that person’s depression but only triggers it off for someone else who’s left behind. - Suicide can often lead to more suicides, as the mourning process of the people left behind can occasionally escalate and become depression. The person then may believe that suicide is an acceptable way of dealing with their feelings and wants to be reunited with their lost loved one.

Whether or not this happens, a suicide always causes pain and effects people for the rest of their lives.

If you are suicidal then you need help straight away! If you contemplating ending your life at this moment, then get off this site and phone someone who can stay with you and make sure you are safe. If this is not possible then there are many helplines you can phone to talk to someone who will understand. If there is nothing else and you are in immediate danger, then go down to your nearest hospital where you will have a chance to talk to someone face to face, be assessed and maybe even offered somewhere safe to stay for a period of time.

If you are passively suicidal and know there could be a time in the future when you will seriously consider ending your life, then there are things you can do to help yourself. Firstly, tell someone how you are feeling because often talking about things helps put them in perspective. Try writing lists - of things to live for; people who love/care about you; positive things about yourself; positive things about your life; or things that you want to do before you die. Also removing things that could help you succeed may help, for example throwing away tablets, or taking knives from out of your view where they can tempt you. Remember though, if you are suicidal then there is something seriously wrong and you should seek specialist help about how you are feeling. Your feelings won’t last forever and you have to hang on until they aren’t so strong.

If you have a relative/friend who is suicidal then make yourself available. Let them know that you love and care about them and that you want to help them get through this. Keep reminding them that they won’t feel like that forever and things will get better. Try suggesting some of the things listed above and then help them seek specialist help for how they are feeling. If you think they are in danger then try to stay with them or arrange for them to stay in a safe place. The most important thing is to never give up hope on them.

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If you have attempted suicide, or have had a friend/relative who has attempted/committed suicide, please feel free to email and share your story and feelings. I may want to use quotes from your email, so please state whether I have permission to use to your name. Thankyou!

Email: Beneaththecovers@angelfire.com