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Sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity where one person is taking advantage without the other person’s consent, the victim. In child sexual abuse this may include showing the child pornographic material or getting them to take part in pornographic activities. In all sexual abuse this may include exposure, oral sex, placing the victim’s hands on another’s genitals, touching the victim’s genitals, to the extreme form on penetration. Penetration does not have to occur for it to count as sexual abuse.

Children are particular vulnerable to abuse because the abusers know they can take advantage and children are naturally more trusting of adults. Sexual abuse occurs in every race, class, religion, culture, and country, but is more common in girls and women.

Sexual abuse (excluding rape and assault) is usually committed by someone the victim is close to and have a trusting relationship and is more likely to be male. This can be a father, brother, step-father, uncle, teacher or carer in child cases or husband, close friend or neighbour in adult cases. However women can be perpetrators too although it’s not as common. This is because the victim trusts this person and in child cases, the person has access to the child alone.

In the cases of rape and sexual assault, it is often a complete stranger or someone the victim has recently met. This is because rape and assault are usually isolated incidents, compared to abuse which is usually continues for weeks, months and even years. However it’s not uncommon for cases of in-marriage rape and rape or assault by work colleagues or friends.

Sexual abuse victims often have effects and these can last for several years if they do not get specialist help. Sexual abuse will affect the way these people deal with different situations for the rest of their life, but the effects do not have to be negative. These can be overcome, but after someone has been sexually abused it is very common for that person to have a poor body image, difficulties with trust and boundaries and either have lots of, or hate, sex.

Other emotional effects may include: confusion, powerlessness, helplessness, pain, betrayal, sadness, grief, dirtiness, shame, vulnerability, unsafeness, fear, horror, depression (see depression), anger, numbness (from body and feelings), suspicion, torture, sensitivity, hurt, panic, anxiety and misery.

Sexual abuse victims often have very little self-esteem and feel bad about themselves because of the abuse they suffered. The list below is common feelings they have about themselves and their abuse:

Sexual abuse is an extremely traumatising experience no matter the ‘severity’ of it. Most sexual abuse survivors suffer for several years afterwards if they are not given the right support and encouragement. This is especially true for child sexual abuse survivors who often have problems throughout their adult lives due to not dealing properly with their abuse.

Often survivors will deny the abuse even taking place. They try to prove the evidence for it, wrong; or if the abuse is a secret they will begin to stop agknowledging it happened. Although a certain degree of denial is often helpful, it can slow down the healing process and can cause more problems.

Many survivors will also try to rationalise the abuse by saying the perpetrator didn’t realise what they were doing, was trying to show love or was abused as a child themselves and should be forgiven. This is a way for the victim to protect themselves from the horrible truth of reality, but is in the long-term, not helpful.

Sexual abuse victims may find it extremely difficult and/or painful to talk about their experiences, but often this is the only way to deal with it.

If you are a sexual abuse victim then the best thing to do is probably seek specialist help where you can talk it out. It may seem impossible at first, but don’t give up because it gets easier and will help eventually.

If you have a friend/relative who is a sexual abuse victim then give them space to talk about their experience and feelings, without pressurising them into talking. Keep reminding them that the abuse wasn’t their fault and they are not to blame. Then suggest that they seek specialist help.


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If you have, or had a friend/relative who has, been sexually abused in any way, please feel free to email and share your story and your feelings. I may want to use quotes from your email, so please state whether I have permission to use to your name. Thankyou!

Email: Beneaththecovers@angelfire.com