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Reasons Not To Self-harm
Self-harm Alternatives
My Story In A Nutshell: Self-Harm
Self-harm, also known as self-injury and (discouraged) self-mutilation, is a coping mechanism. It is best described as intentional harm of one’s own body, causing tissue damage, without suicidal intent. It is most commonly in the form of cutting but is also burning, bruising, pulling out hair, biting, interfering with wound healing and self-poisoning.
As self-harm is a coping mechanism, it is usually the only way someone can survive great emotional pain. A common myth is that it is attention seeking but this is rarely true as most people keep their self-harm to themselves. Many people say that when they hurt themselves it puts their inner pain, outside where they can deal with it easier. It often relieves unbearable feelings (pain, grief, anger, guilt, anxiety etc.) or brings back feeling where there is none (dissociation, numbness). Sometimes it is a punishment for something bad the person feels they’ve done, or a ‘cry for help’ - a way of showing (even to them self) that they are suffering.
Many different things may have lead up to the person’s desperation and many people who self-harm are also depressed (see depression). There is a strong link between abuse (see sexual-abuse, emotional-abuse or physical-abuse) and many people who self-harm have been abused in their childhoods. However, same as not all people who have been abused, self-harm; not all people who self-harm, have been abused. All self-harmers have somewhere along the lines, have learnt unhealthy ways of coping and are uneducated in other effective ways.
- Self-harm is attention seeking - self-harm is primary about dealing with overwhelming feelings. In rare cases where it's about attention, attention should be given because they are obviously in a great deal of distress to resort to harming themselves for attention.
- Self-harm is a failed suicide attempt - self-harm is about living and is a survival tool. People who self-harm are more likely to commit suicide (see suicide), but their self-harm is not an attempt.
- A person who self-harms is a danger to others - people who self-harm are hurting themselves and most would be appalled at the thought of hurting anyone else
- Self-harm is a sign of madness - self-harm is a sign of distress not madness. It's a sign that they are trying to live their life and best they can.
- Self-harm is masochism - Self-harm is not masochism. If they had better ways of coping, most people would not self-harm. However in their circumstances, self-harm is their only effective coping mechanism. They do not enjoy iy and most will admit it's unhealthy.
- Self-harm is a teenage "phase" that will be grown out of - many people begin to self-harm in their teenage years but they do not "grow out of it". If they don't get specialist help, many will continue to self-harm for several years or the rest of their life.
There are no rules for who self-harms, all sorts of people self-harm. Although it is more common in women and most begin in adolescence (although often carry on through adulthood). Often people carry on successful careers or look after families and there is little outward sign that there is anything wrong. Self-harm has such a stigma surrounding it and due to that most people keep their self-harm secret for many years. This prevents them getting necessary specialist help but also means the true extent of this problem is unknown.
Self-harm is a lot more common than most people think, with around 1% (and this is likely to be considerably under-estimated) of the general population using this coping mechanism.
If you are a person who self-harms then you need to think about what your self-harm is saying about your feelings and your life, because there is obviously a problem. Try and talk to someone close to you about how you're feeling and together try and find other, less harmful, coping mechanisms, then seek specialist help. Don’t be embarrassed by what you do because, although there is very little awareness, it is not rare. You are not alone.
If you have a friend/relative who self-harms then naturally you may feel shocked, hurt, angry, confused or guilty when someone you care about harms them self. However it’s important that you don’t take this out on them or blame them for their actions, because they cannot usually help what they do. Also try to avoid expressing your opinions on what they do; you may even do it unconsciously or without meaning to, such as ‘you haven’t done anything stupid have you?’ This will enforce the negative feelings that person has for them self and will stop them seeking help from you in the future.
Try to keep seeing the person behind the injuries and focus on their feelings rather than their wounds. The most important, valuable and helpful thing you can offer them is acceptance and support, whilst encouraging them to seek specialist help. Talk to them about how they’re feeling and invite them to call you when in need. However only offer as much as you can cope with, you are only human too, and don’t try to take responsibility for stopping them hurting them self. They may at some point blame you for harming themself on an occasion and although you may have contributed to their feelings, don’t blame yourself. Their self-harm is not because of what you have done/said, it is their reaction to what you have done/said.
Secret Shame
The Old Familiar Sting
Self-injury (Uk)
Whats the Harm
~*Ragdoll's Cadlelit Tunnel*~
Self Injury; You Are Not Alone
