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"Personally, I think emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse, because although the scars can't be seen, they are just as deep and last forever..."
Emotional abuse, which is also known as verbal abuse, is probably the hardest abuse to define. Abuse is any behaviour that is designed to control someone else using of fear, humiliation and verbal, physical or sexual assaults. Emotional abuse is abuse that doesn’t include any physical contact, although it often accompanies physical abuse (see physical-abuse). There are many different ways of emotionally abusing someone, all damaging and wrong, and because there is no physical evidence it is often difficult to detect. It can be cruelest and most damaging abuse because it teaches the person to damage and become cruel to them self, which means that even after the abuser has gone, the abuse still continues. Bullying is an all too common form of emotional abuse.
Anyone can be emotionally abused, but people who have been previously emotionally abused or have low self-esteem to begin with are more at risk. Girls and women are more vulnerable than boys and men.
Emotional abuse is usually committed by someone the victim is close to or sees on a regular basis. This can be a parent, spouse, friend or colleague and sometimes even a child.
Emotional abuse is often played down by other people because there is no physical contact but emotional abuse usually causes more damage to the person than physical abuse. This is not to say that physical abuse isn’t distressing, but many survivors of physical and emotional abuse say that the emotional side of it was worse. Without support and validation from friends/relatives, the effects can last for several years.
Many emotional abuse victims may often need specialist help as well, for them to deal with the abuse effectively. Emotional abuse will affect the way these people deal with different situations for the rest of their life, but the effects do not have to be negative. These can be overcome, but after someone has been emotionally abused it is very common for that person to have low self-esteem and problems trusting people.
- Other effects include:
- Believing they are unworthy of love and attention
- Anxiety
- Insecurity
- Slow-development
Often survivors will deny the abuse even taking place and with emotional abuse this is even more common because there is none or little evidence. If the abuse is a secret they may begin to stop acknowledging it even happened. Although a certain degree of denial is often helpful, it can slow down the healing process and can cause more problems. This is because they might begin to teach themselves that the abusive behaviour is normal which can lead to them getting involved in other abusive relationships.
Many survivors will also try to rationalise the abuse because society does not see emotional abuse in the same way that they see physical and sexual abuse. They may do this by saying the perpetrator didn’t realise what they were doing, was abused as a child themselves and should be forgiven, or sadly, but frequently, they might say that what was said was true. This can also be a another form of denial because the victim may say it wasn’t ‘abuse’ it was just ‘honesty’. This is a way for the them to protect themselves from the horrible truth of reality, but is in the long-term, not helpful.
Minimising the abuse is also common for emotional abuse survivors. Many will say ‘it wasn’t that bad’ or that they are making a ‘fuss over nothing’, because they want to believe this themselves. The truth is that all abuse is ‘bad’ and their fuss is over something and should be validated. Minimising the abuse and the effects is not helpful and can often lead to self-hate and self-blame which hurts a great deal and makes dealing the with the abuse, a whole lot harder.
Emotional abuse victims may find it extremely difficult and/or painful to talk about their experiences, but often this is the only way to deal with it. They also may be scared of being invalidated.
If you are an emotional abuse victim then the best thing to do is probably seek specialist help where you can talk about what happened and how you feel. It may seem impossible at first, but don’t give up because it gets easier and will help eventually.
If you have a friend/relative who is a emotional abuse victim then give them space to talk about their experience and feelings, without pressurising them into talking. Agknowledge that emotional abuse is just as painful as any other form of abuse and try to validate their feelings, except the ones which have been given to them by the abuser. Then suggest that they seek specialist help.
Emotional Abuse
Child Emotional Abuse
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If you have, or have a friend/relative who has, been emotionally abused in any way, please feel free to email and share your story and feelings. I may want to use quotes from your email, so please state whether I have permission to use to your name. Thankyou!