Inner Demons: Revisited
I love it when things happen in your life that make you know who the people who really care are. Even though the things do may be things that they would do for anyone, or they do them because they say it's the right thing to do. The fact that they do it is enough to show you that they care. I not sure what to say about this. People lately have really showed me their true colors. I'm at a point where I'm starting to get jaded and I'm not gonna believe in people as much as I would like. Cause when you trust to much you set yourself up for hurt. There is one person who I know will be there no matter what. The other person I am willing to completely open myself up 2 , that person just may not want me 2, with that person I am willing to take the risk of being hurt.
I've been so closed off lately. There is only 1 person I talk to and just talking to that person makes me happy. God this brings back my question of which me is the real me. This really serious me doesn't bother me 1 bit, but whenever I'm around people I feel like I have to entertain them. I go out of my way to try and be happy and cheerful.
Cause when I'm not I notice them act different towards me or question why I'm not acting all crazy or why "I'm not being myself"
Billy Joel rules.
There is so much I want to do in life, and so much I want to become. But I never get my ass up to do any of this. I mean doing this, what I'm doing now, this site. It's not making me any money whatsoever. It's not giving me fame and glory. Fuck nobody even fucking looks at. Maybe that's why I can write this shit and not care. Cause I feel like I'm expressing myself but I know no one really sees any of it.
I'm just glad I know I will never die in one of those freak toaster accidents, cause only the smart guys die that way. Dumbasses like me can walk through a junk yard and somehow manage to not get attacked by the guard dog.
God all I want to be is genuinely happy with life.
Things aren't as bad as they used to be. But that might just be because I'm forcing myself to block it out and just not dealing with it. Which is healthier blocking shit out so it doesn't bother you,, or letting it in and dealing with it?(I don't really want an answer about it from anyone, so keep your opinion to yourself, thanks)
My mental problems are fewer since last time I wrote one of these things. WHOOHOO. So I'm done early.
Songs Listened to while writing this:
Some Billy Joel
Some Adema
Afro Man-Because I Got High
Corporate Avenger-Fault the Police
and strangely some Michelle Branch.
