Your Guide to Fans of Rock Music
Emo Kids
Often Characterized by dark jeans cuffed at the bottom. The males (and very often females) have short hair, usually with a wild, shaggy or spiked appearance. For some reason, lip piercings are especially popular with this group, though eyebrows (a mark of a Punker) are a close second. They can be divided into two sub-categories: straight-edge (additionally, they‘re often vegan, activists, atheists, and artistic [or think they are]), or burnouts. Either way, they tend to focus on the “beauty of pain.” Often intelligent and emotional, they adamantly defend their own “personal” style (dime a dozen among all of the other emo kids) to the point of near ludicrously. While some are understanding and accepting of anyone with a car or an above-average IQ, they often turn on their friends when they find out they still listen to the “mainstream sell-out” bands. In general, emo kids tend to kind of blur together with the punkers. But don’t be fooled, or they’ll be stuffing tofu and virgin pina coladas down your throat at the next “Peta’s nice - down with Christ” sit-in before you realized what happened.
Punkers
Converse are the official shoes for Punkers and Emo Kids alike. Punkers usually wear the same attire as that of the Emo Kid, with a few noticeable differences. They tend to be dirtier, and a huge “I could give a damn” attitude. Punkers can be violent, mostly when provoked, and enjoy sweating together in crowds at shows in places that smell of urine. Few hard-core punkers can stand anyone who have the nerve to proclaim Green Day’s talent, and will beat up the first “soft-core” punk who does. Bringing up veganism and straight-edge lifestyles will bring a hardly chuckle from these people, and if you’re unlucky, an ass-kicking. They like anything broken in with that “2 weeks since laundered” appearance with it. Eyebrows seem to be the piercing of choice, though Emo’s lip piercings are also very popular. To a Punker, anything on the radio must be Evil, horrible music by definition. The “soft-core” punkers, a sub-group, are a pussified version of the before mentioned hard-core Punkers. Soft-cores seem to generally be cleaner, might have smoked pot once in high school, and whine more than anyone else. They think of “punk” music as Green Day, Blink-182 and Offspring.
Rockers
Unfortunately, the group I belong to. “Rockers” are a general term for anyone who doesn’t quite fit into any of these categories. Grungers, Goths, Billboard rock whores, Anarchists and everyone else who listens to something with a damn distortion or reverb petal fits in here. Rockers wear baggy pants, chains, balls, and most prominently among this group: band t-shirts. We love Adidas and Airwalk like they bore our children. Rockers support rock music more than anyone else. Cause we’re “corporate whores” as the Emo Kids or Punkers like to refer to us. If we like a band, you better believe we’ll pay 95 dollars to see them live (with the aid of binoculars). We’ll almost be guaranteed to own a few $35 t-shirts to have the privilege to be a walking billboard to our band of choice. Unlike emo or punk, we go to “concerts” not “shows.” We range in styles from Incubus to Slipknot, and have the urge to beat the shit out of punkers, though Emo kids are generally allowed. Musicians are most commonly in this group, because they tend to be more eclectic than most. We’re the biggest critics, not so much because we think that if they're famous they suck (like our poor, misguided emo/punker relative have), but because we’re extremely music-oriented. We bitch about chord progression, tuning, and timing more than any other shit heads. You can defend any band you like, emo to metal, but they better have their guitar tuned to a drop D and play more than power chords, or we’ll come after you.
Metalheads/Headbangers
I can only say so much about this group, because they’re scary in groups. They dress just like the rockers, but they probably have more tattoos and “I was so drunk...”stories than you can possibly imagine. They have a perpetual menacing look to them, even if they’re the nicest person you’ve ever met. Their taste in music is HARD. If the vocalist is screaming, the bass is blasting, and heavy ass distortion is present, you better believe they own the cd. And If the songs are about murder, even better. which is why they're so scary. They’re more prone to moshing, and i mean the kind of pits that have sharp point objects “to add an element of danger.”, than anyone else. They’ll knock up your daughter - twice - and leave vomit in your bath tub - that’s just another Friday night. They tend to like slipknot, Hatebreed, and Metallica (for the old-schoolers). They're not so much violent by nature, but they don’t talk shit. They will shove your arms through your ears. Don’t provoke them. And if you’re Emo or Punk, run for you life.
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