Funky Aphorisms
3-14-03 US: Welcome to Oak Ridge! Cassie: I wanna go home!!!!!
2-1-03 Google Whacking Quotes:
"Damn you, Tim Croce and your barrelhead Endocrinology!" - Holly
Me - Well, I hope they take this one! Holly - They took the other cockmasters, didn't they?
"I believe there's a fern growing out of your twat, miss!" - Nick (Origin Unknown)
And Now, the ones they wouldn't accept:
Preggo Sluts
Cluster-Fucking Armadillo
NeoNazi Armadillo
We now return you to your broadcast day...
12-19-02 "It's my belief that no true movie lover has any business going into Blockbuster in the first place, since its policies have done so much harm to modern American cinema." - Roger Ebert
9-12-02 " I seem to be, sleep depravation good?" - Brandon
9-5-02 "You and Nick and I talk about our 25th birthday like it's the last year of our lives.....we're not models!!! - Holly (Must be the Shyamalan resonance)
8-8-02Surrealist-Nick and Holly bang on my fucking window at 2:00AM to play Trivial Pursuit-Quotes :
"That's OxyMcMotherfuckinMoronic...." - Me
"....it's the Home-Death-Fun Trivia Game!" - Me
Question - What English coin was worth 1 Pound, 1 Shilling in 2001? Answer: "The Deutschmark?" - Me (I was fucking joking)
"....Of course it's Mexico, you idiot!" - Holly
Me -"Muhammed Ali is a happy muslim......." Holly - "Is there any other kind?"
7-25-02 "...because there's nothing sexier than strung-out starvation on gas station speed...." - Jessica
7-15-02 "Jesse don't you dare imply in a public forum that I told you to shove pizza up your ass, because neither of us will ever hear the end of it." - Holly
7-14-02 "Jesse, we are not renting the fucking Black Stallion!" - Holly on one of our trips to the video store.
6-20-02 "For the great hereafter, this looks a hell of a lot like Utah." - Preacher
6-07-02 "How many gay black ambidextrous Gulf War veteran breakbeat DJs/artists/producers do you know ?"- From the Nubreaks.com messageboard
6-04-02 "Do you have blacks, too?" - GW again, asking Brazillian President Fernando Henrique Cardoso
6-04-02 "[We}hold dear what our Declaration of Independence says, that all have got uninalienable rights." - George W. Bush
6-01-02 "Penis brittle (Like peanut brittle, but with dick)" - Holly
5-20-02 "Suck. Fuck. FucksucksuckfuckfuckityfuckDoom." - Adam
5-12-02 Me: My ejaculations don't offend you do they? Holly: Well, the verbal ones don't....
5-2-02 "Bastard-southwillriseagain-etymologists!" - Me
5-2-02 "I never bought all those rules about what a film is supposed to be." - Richard Linklater
4-22-02 "Ya know...Chicago...it's just a fuckin' city, but it does it soooooo well." - Me
3-13-02 "You can't spell Oak Ridge without the word 'die'" - Me
3-13-02 Chicago related quotes:
"Hip hop hippidy do"
"I'm gonna punch you in the cock."
"Smiling Face"
"I didn't break Chicago!"
3-2-02 "Eegah820690903: and the line about my cock actually
works as an in-joke for the hip parts of the audience" - occured during AIM script conference with Nick
12-31-01 "Eegah820690903: did you get directions and stuff?
DarkMiracle12: what was the site again?
Eegah820690903: www.jadedassholes.com
DarkMiracle12: damn thats pretty close
DarkMiracle12: and you like cock?
Eegah820690903: ha
Eegah820690903: apparently so"
12-11-01 "Give a starving man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to cook a fish, though, and he'll starve to death with a clearer picture of what he's missing." - The Onion
12-07-01 "DJWanaB: I'm going to live off imbibing the essence of the Sun and Moon now. Food is for pussies."
11-06-01 "Cheers, and remember, always buy two copies of a record, you never know when
you may need them or whether the artist will make it through the Harsh
English winter." - B.L.I.M
10-16-01 "I don't wanna rob a gas station! Is there something wrong with that?!" - Holly
10-16-01 "DJ WanaB: Oh well...piss on your ever-lasting imortal and omnipitant ebony hued Jebus statue. Piss on it with a 90ft. platinum penis of amazing proportions." (?)
10-07-01 "WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Where did the koala bear come from? Seriously, every fucking morning?E " - From a survey I took.
9-27-01 "Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept." - The Onion
9-25-01 "Americans to wear t-shirts bearing likeness of Osama bin Laden with phrase "Fuck You, Asshole," so if bin Laden sees one, he'll know he's an asshole and can get fucked." - The Onion
9-18-01 "The pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians...the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say 'You helped this happen." - Jerry Falwell (Them's fightin' words, fat boy)
9-13-01 "It's time to drop some real shit." - BT
9-11-01 "So. We went to Moby last week...Now if I can just see Crystal Method (yeah right), and maybe Prodigy one more time (ditto), I can die happy." - Holly (hehehehe)
9-10-01 "Eegah820690903: I preach the Gospel of Subsonic Funk"
9-10-01 "Eegah820690903: Be not fooled or sullied by hype. It will only succumb to mediocrity ;deez nuts:32-93"
7-21-01"We've just done Sarah McLachlan's Fear for Nettwerk. That's a brilliant track to do, but a real tearjerker. We played it in Miami, and there were about four grown men crying to it." - Mike Truman
7-18-01"Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
The unstoppable machinery of fate has set in motion irreversible events which shall inexorably lead to your acquisition of an unwanted nickname." - The Onion (Though I'm not a Libra, that sounds about right)
6-30-01 "Tommorow is like Christmas, except you're not getting any presents and you might be laughed at" - Holly, referring to my mounting tension as regards to the rave I'm DJing.
6-20-01 "Teen hobos having sex for food? No.......but Maybe.." - A spam I got today
6-20-01 "I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen. Please Fuck off." -Nick's AIM away message
6-15-01 "I'm black now! Niggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggernigger!
Bitch" - Chuck
6-13-01 "DJWanaB :Ok, I watch GOOD movie now...are you eating me yet?
Eegah820690903: Ha...no, the virtual BJ is on AOL 6.0, not 5.0"
5-29-01 "Fundamentalism of any kind scares the shit out of me. I have no patience for anyone who thinks they've figured things out, no patience for people who think they're right at the expense of everyone else. The world is too connected and too complicated to conform to any of our rigid ideas of what it should be like." - Moby
5-15-01 "I'm a really clumsy drunk around firewood." - Chelsea
4-19-01 "This looks like a job for.....The Anti-Christ!" - Pepito (taken from Jhonen Vasquez's Squee)
4-11-01 "Be assured that the gods of Love and Mercy have heard your pleas for help. They have taped them and enjoy playing them for huge laughs at their god parties." - The Onion Horoscope (Libra)
4-9-01 "Welcome to your addiction. Don't bend it" - Holly (introducing a friend to Preacher)
4 -4 - 01 "Basically, any movie is in bad straits when everyone in the audience is disappointed that a Wayans brother
has died." - The Self Made Critic (again, Charlie, Fuck you!!!!!!!!)
4 - 4 - 01 "The evil that is this movie has its roots in the worst script this side of a Scroll of Felching." - The Self Made Critic (From a review of Dungeons and Dragons at brunching.com. Take that Charlie! Fuck you!!!!)
3-30-01 "Me: Dude, I need to go to the store to- Charlie: To buy stuff to rub on your belly while you jerk off? Me: Umm, you got my number, Charlie"
3-24-01 "I mean, if people in high school and college had that much sex, the world would be a much stickier place than it already is. We would also make tires out of something other than laytex." - Rhys
3-21-01 "Oh, so you like nuns, do you? Well, where you're going you'll see plenty of nuns. Hell!" - Chief Wiggum
3-20-01 "You raped me! Cool......" - Me
3-12-01 "Why does Holly Anderson hate me?" -Question from an email survey sent out by James Owens
3-7-01 "It's Guiliani time!" - Shaft
3-4-01 "Can you really see any of these people calling the police? Oh it was terrible, officer! There I was injecting a syringe full of heroin into my eyeball while fellating a billy goat when these men burst in and started shooting people! Aren't we even safe at our own orgies anymore?" - Herr Starr
3-1-01 ".........And for this scene, we had to digitally animate the breast" - Paul Verhoeven (Taken from the commentary track on the Hollow Man dvd)
2-26-01 "Sure, the technology during the gulf war was amazing, but couldn't we theoretically use that same technology to fire food at hungry people?" - Bill Hicks
2-22-01 Conversation from the other night--------Charlie: You know what? Fuck that! My life is not like a funnel, it's like a roll of toilet paper! Me: Does that mean that life is slowly but surely wiping its ass with you? Charlie: Dude, I'm the tube in the middle. Me: Riiiiggghhhhttt
2-21-01 "I dont' really care about that breaks shit you guys listen to..it sounds to me like just a bunch of grooves and beats. I gotta have my melodies, man.." -Chuck (the bastard)
2-21-01 "It's prostituted
something that's so pure. If you listen
to what Danny Howells plays and
what Sasha and John Digweed plays,
you listen to what the guys that really
believe in this music that are not
fuckin' cheese-balls selling out to the
commercial trance Anti-Christ"- BT
2-19-01 "Now you see what happens when you speak to me nicely. You see what happens, how sweet I can be. But if you get on my wrong side, I know where you live. I will
come to your house and I will nail your pet’s head to a coffee table." - Harlan Ellison
