9-29-01 Bryn won. And boy did she ever win!
9-28-01 I recently viewed the dvd of Transformers The Movie. I would be nostalgic and say "that brought back memories," but it goes so much deeper than that. I can quote that movie from Unicron's first meal to the destruction of his destiny. A year ago, Tolsun and I were supposed to start a campus newspaper, part Onion, part serious endeavor. Then he got caught in Faces, and the paper never went through. Ah well. I actually wrote an article for it, and here it is:
OPTIMUS PRIME KILLED IN HEROIC BATTLE
Autobot City, Wisconsin
On Tuesday, the leader of the Autobots, a group of freedom fighters who for five years have been using Earth as a base of operations, died in battle. Optimus Prime, age 250,000 years, was heroically defending Autobot city when he met with the leader of the Decepticon sect, Megatron. The usurper who has been responsible for the deaths of at least thirty thousand people in his attempts to colonize Planet Earth and absorb North America’s vast amounts of the element “Energon” (Eg), Megatron has been plotting for years to dominate the universe. Once converted from liquid form to solid form, Energon is a potent dietary product for Autobots and Decepticons alike. If harnessed and controlled by Megatron and the Decepticon menace, the Autobots would be helpless and weak ,and the world, along with the rest of the universe, would be in peril.
On Tuesday morning, at 4:08 AM eastern time, Megatron and his forces intercepted an Autobot vessel on its way to Autobot city. The small crew was immediately neutralized, making the ship a perfect “Trojan Horse” for Autobot City. Upon its arrival, the ship made it past Autobot sensors undetected. The attack began with the “Shot Heard Around Wisconsin” as it was referred to by an area man who was fishing near the city. Hot Rod, a young Autobot, noticed the damages done to the vessel, and fired upon it, beginning the greatest battle Earth has ever know. Optimus Prime received a distress call soon after, and mobilized his forces from his home planet of Cybertron, which the Autobots had recently recaptured from the Decepticons.
The battle waged on for long hours into the morning, until Optimus Prime arrived at 10:08 A.M eastern time. Upon his arrival, the city had been dominated by Megatron and his forces. Sources say Prime converted into his secondary vehicular mode and heroically defeated several Decepticon soldiers. At some point in the battle he ran into Megatron. The fight lasted approximately five minutes, until Prime was injured by five massive blows to the chest and shoulder areas. Reports indicate that he suffered intense structural damage culminating in massive tubing and engine failure. He was pronounced dead at 1:14 PM eastern time. Plans to bronse him and erect his body as a statue in the middle of the city are being discussed.
“It was really awful.” Said Ultra Magnus, newly appointed leader of the Autobots. “I’ll try my best to uphold his honor and courage. I hope I can. And when our darkest hour hits, thanks to Optimus, and the power he gave me with the Matrix of Leadership, I think I’ll hold that honor well. It looks pretty simple. You just fit your fingers in the grooves and pull outwardly! Bumblebee could do it!”
After the fateful battle between Prime and Megatron, Optimus was carried to the city’s emergency ward, whereupon he accepted his fate and appointed Ultra Magnus the new leader. Perceptor, the only available physician at the time, knew upon immediate examination that Prime had only moments to live. “I fear the wounds are fatal,” he said to the surviving members of the autobot force. According to Perceptor, there was massive damage to Prime’s Energon Receptors, located at his waste. The hull of his waste had been penetrated by what was identified as a spark,or a quick laser knife that was kept in hiding by Megatron until the ideal moment.
“The fight was awful,” said Kup, a member of the Autobots who has been a soldier since Prime’s inception. “It was basically a fight to the death. That’s what Prime wanted, I think. We’ve been terrorized and oppressed by these rebels for years and years. When they broke off from the Autobots to form their militia, Cybertron was never the same. We were a peaceful people. But some people just want more. Prime knew that if he could destroy Megatron once and for all, the Decepticons would be no more. I hope now that the tables were turned, that’s not the case for us.”
The Cybertronion wars seem over on Earth, but apparently they are not over for the Autobots. An unidentified entity is approaching Cybertron, and Megatron is still at large. “We don’t know what to think of the enemy. Are they dead? Are they mobilizing? I hope they’ve been quelled.” said Blaster, a longtime citizen of Cybertron. But there are few signs of the enemy, and now according to one member of the Autobots, the Autobots don’t have a competent leader to replace Prime. “Magnus is going to lead us to death. I know it. I could be a better leader than him any day. I hope that Matrix backfires on him. The Bastard.”
According to everyone who knew Optimus Prime, he was a great leader. According to everyone who witnessed the horrifying battle, Prime’s arrival was what quelled the Decepticon attack. “Prime did it. He jammed the tide,” said Kup. Prime’s legacy will be carried on by everyone who knew him. In the words of Spike, the Wisconsin man that first met the autobots upon their arrival, and has been with them since, fighting in their war, “The Human Race need never fear, as long as Optimus Prime is the leader of the Autobots.”
9-27-01 134
9-27-01 Usage of the word fuck accumulated on my page : 122 times. That's it? Fuck...fuck...fuuuuuuck.......Fuck Fuck, Mutha Fuck Mutha Fuck Mutha FUck Mutha Fuck Noize Noize Noize....Yeah.......that's 132 more fuckin' times. 133. Yeah. I think I'm gonna count up how much youz guys has said fuck on my page next time I update.
9-27-01 Unreal
9-25-01 Hehehehehhehehehe....the Onion rules. Anywho, It occurs to me to link my little bro, cuz after all, it'd be rude not to, right? Yeah, well, suffice it to say, there's precious little he could do to force me to remove his link (as Holly did to her brother after somesuch incident). His page is a bit more angsty than mine, something that made me wince at first, but it's at the very least articulate enough to warrant reading. But boy howdy, brother, you got some mad crazy anger shit to work out, don't yez? Ah well, maybe all my crazy friends can rape your guestbook (hint hint) and berate you there as they do to me every single day. And maybe then you'll either be out of anger or refreshingly replenished with it. Either way, this oughtta be fun. And if our sister was offended by my theological coconuts, she's gonna love your tirades.
9-25-01 Holy Fucking Shit. I repeat, Holy Fucking Shit.
9-24-01 I'm officially obsessed, as if I wasn't already. I've been listening to the same four records for two days. I'm annoying the shit out of my roommates. I'm buying Chuck's turntables at some point. No more spinnin' mp3s for me. It begins......
9-23-01 I went to Satellite yesterday. This is all I gots to say about that:
Give each sound itself an inner life
Let it move inside
9-17-01 .................Well.....yeah.....Crystuber Freeland.........yay............wheeee.........funk.........stuff. I think this past night's got to be right up there at the top of my favorite shows. I've never felt so close to the performers. I didn't even feel this close to BT at the Masquerade, and that place is intimate(and ugly as fuck). If you've read Holly's page, you know we got to meet Adam Freeland last night after the Crystal Method ended their show. We were filing out and there he was, talking to a sound guy. We aproached him, and he came around to say hello. I told him I loved him in my best cracked fanboy voice, and he laughed. Then I begged him to give me the dubplate for kik a hole, the song he opened with and finished with. He said it was coming out on Marine Parade in January. I will own it by then. His set was tour de force, needless to say. He had to deal with a screwy setup, but I can't say I was upset about being close enough to watch him mix. He goes crazy with his equipment. I'll also point out that he's more concerned with rocking out and experimenting than being a flawless DJ. It's actually much more exciting than watching someone smoothly mix. Anyway, I'm starstruck and braindead right now, which ain't good, cuz I got some major work to do in the next few days. Grrrr. The show would've been worth it even if I screw up the next few days, either way. It's nights like last night that make me wonder why anyone needs drugs at a good show.
9-13-01 And check out Bryn's update on the subject.
9-13-01 Updating has been a strange thing since Tuesday. Like Holly, I've been too preoccupied by the most unifying national emergency since the beginning, and since long before the beginning, of our short lives. It occurs to me, in all this, that my webpage just isn't the place to document all this, so I simply won't be discussing the matter further, unless I have specific feelings to share. Until something else related to this occurs that enrages and frightens me, I won't update about it. Until something like that happens, you won't see anything about this on my page. It occurs to me that it's not respectful to use a page that primarily exists for humor and ruminations to report the world's horrors, so, suffice it to say, I won't until I absolutely must, and this page will be as it always is, silly and pointless. After all, Jay's protruding ass is hardly a pic appropriate as the index image of any page speaking of this event. And likewise, though the Darkness Of The Human Soul, prevails, this definetly ain't funny shite. So this page remains the same. Until I get so mad I feel like enlisting, again. Which, believe me, coming from this liberal pinko, is kind of a strange feeling.
9-11-01 12:12 pm. I woke up this morning with a knock at my door. The repair man had come to fix the broken door latch. My roommate was already up and about making breakfast, and he told me, as I stumbled out of bed that I needed to turn on the tv. There had been an explosion. I'm confused easily when I get up, and for some reason I'd interpreted this as "There's been an explosion in Oak Ridge." I've told my roommate where I'm from, and I've joked about sirens and nuclear meltdowns. For some reason, I jumped to that conclusion. Then he told me about the Trade Center and The Pentagon. And I'd hate to say this, but as I turned on my tv to see what had happened, I felt quite relieved that this happened in New York and DC, and not in my home town. This may sound selfish, but in a weird way, it helps me empathize. Not like I'm having any trouble right now. Fuck
9-10-01 Holly's been updating like a crazy woman all evening. And she's quoting the hell out of me, so I gotta thank her in public. Thanks much. My narcicism doth imbibe. Anywho, I also updated my Quotes Page, with a couple of quotes from me. Seeing as how Holly's been quoting me, it's hardly excusable to quote myself in such a timely manner, but there's an explanation. The most recent quote is one I remember saying to Mike over AIM this previous summer. I was proud of having said it, as it inflames my DJ ego. The second qoute I said to holly over AIM just about twenty minutes ago. And I'm proud of it too. Both comments are satirical and stem from religion, so I felt they were appropriate.
9-10-01 Ok. Mea Culpa time. The subject is Mike. The folly. My own. I am an agnostic. I don't capitalize that, because society sees it as a frivolous, irresponsible position, and far be it from me to either argue with that claim or dive into the perilous well of label making. But I must admit, as regards what I tend to believe, and my own consistant dismissal of Biblical doctrine and the like, I am probably just as bad sometimes as a fundamentalist Christian. Consistancy and unbending moral stances are common on my side and theirs, and probably it is this deadlock that has brought forth my sudden unexpected respect for that very consistancy. I think that can be underlined with the common knowledge that everyone needs a good enemy. Bart Simpson vs. Seymor Skinner, Holly Martin vs. Harry Lime, Jesus Christ vs Santa Claus, and Me vs. God. Or at least I find myself commonly reaching that perilous conclusion, awaiting the flames of which such arrogance perhaps rightly achieves. Mike came over last night. He poured his heart out to me, trying to make me understand his newfound faith in God. He loves God. He believes God loves him. For some reason, he felt compelled to come over and let me know. I was touched, because I now see Mike as more than just an acquaintance of many years, but someone who really cares about me, and made it quite clear. Suffice it to say I've been feeling rather alone lately, and seeing Mike at my door would've been enough with out his emotional relays. Now, here's where I think I've been reactionary and unfair. I am an agnostic. Of late, because I am close to Shane Dixon, and because he's explained to me first-hand the reasons his life has suddenly changed, and because he delights in telling me of every detail of Seventh Day Adventism, not one detail of which bores me for one second, I have started to again reiterate in my mind that God is a chore, not a creature of love; A man of stern principle over true forgiveness. This is the image of God I've personally rebelled against successfully for many years now, and I finally heard a voice preach the liberal side of Christianity. And it wasn't from some trumped up Disciple, nor from some Jesus freak hippie fuck. It was from Mike. It was heartfelt, sweet, and above all, kind and beautiful. And I didn't once thank him. Not once. He said he loved me, I said I loved him too, and I mean it, but I didn't recognize his point last night. Only hours later have I recognized it, and I feel as if I may have hurt him by denying what I so commonly labeled myself: Agnostic. I am not an atheist. But how strange it seems that in my denial of God I've almost totally accepted the harshest views of him. I can be perfectly honest, Mike; If I can accept a God who hates me, I am certainly likely and open minded enough to accept one that loves me, and will fine me, as you said. Whether or not it happens, or whether or not I find Christ will be a different matter. I'm not on that path. But I love you man. I hope you're right.
9-10-01Ha Ha!. I saw a Fox News report about that today, and I laughed at the tv screen, mocking Sony's attempt at control. I laughed because 90% of my mp3s are taken from the original vinyl pressings! HA! Take that, mofoz! The small percentage that comes from cd pressings are generally released by labels that can't afford this new encryption, nor would purchase it if funds allowed, because they simply don't have time for that bullshit, what with all the plur and stuff. Now, you could say I'm ripping off my favorite artists and stuff, but I'll tell you that I ain't gonna rest until I can go in to Cat's Records and buy Thursday Club Recordings releases. So there.
9-6-01 Fresh.
9-6-01 Update time! Things are looming on the horizon, a little to the left. Your other left. Yeah. Right there. No. Not on your face. Turn around. Stop smacking yourself. I said things are looming around the horizon, I didn't mean that there was something flying around you. Dumb bastard. Anyway, now that you think I'm funny, I'd like to fool you into yet again thinking I'm a good or even passable piece of DJ product/ass, so get your asses out to Vegas, yeah that's right! Lovely cosmopolitan KnoxVegas, where me and Chuck'll be spinnin'in the Electric Hizzouse. I mean Ballroom. Electric Ballroom. That's right. You'll all be there,or I'll make you watch my collection of Italian Neo-Realist cinema. I swear to Allah's vertically challenged false prophet balls. You'd better heed that warning, fellas. Oh yeah, another reason I have to be quite reasonably happy, is the confirmation, thanks to Holly (thanks, love), that I'll be rockin' to the Crystal Method, Uberzone and Freeland, whom I've neatly packaged into the collective Crystuber Freeland, for all your packaging needs. I'm gonna get me some funk up in here. That is correct. Yeah. Uh huh. I'm DJing in a month, and seeing Crystuber Freeland before that. Badassssss. Me happier than you. Because I also updated my chart. Read that. Don't it smell great? That right there is the immaculateness of funky funky funkidy assed music. Oh yeah. Yeah. YEAH. yeah.
9-5-01 Good luck, Nick. May God forget he knew you before he formed you in the womb. And smuggle us all back some noze candy.
8-28-01 Awww...but Mike, I honestly don't know your phone number, or remember which house is yours all the way over there. Forgiveness, please. I'm lazy. If it helps, I'm in Boling 201, and Chuck and Shane are in New Village 111.
8-26-01 Hey Holly, don't forget that when we get the chance we have to register pimpsuphoesdown as a domain name or email or something. There. I reminded you.
8-25-01 Mike won. I thought the other quotes were funny, but I finally decided on Mike's because of the intrinsic value to the film Santa Sangre, a film that perhaps only I love unconditionally.
8-24-01 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back rules. Also, I updated my charts, with a list of the songs that have been my consistant favorites all summer, furthering my obsession with the UK breakbeat thing, perhaps sealing my fate forever into dirty, nasty basslines and ethereal whitenoise bliss. Or something like that.
8-24-01 Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I'm comin' into town tonight. Hopefully I still have free passes. Whatever. I'm willing to support Kevin Smith. I'd heard some bad vibes about the movie, particulary Scott Tobias' review, which was, as far as I'm concerned overtly harsh. Normally I make these judgement calls after I've seen the movie. But this is Kevin Smith. This is different. I haven't read any real plot descriptions, or had any of the jokes spoiled for me yet, nor will I. And when it comes to people like Kevin Smith, I am generally unconditionally in love with his words and his characters. So the Onion review bugged me, but after reading it for a second, I realized that it could be applied to any Kevin Smith movie (as per his comment that Smith needs a good editor due to his long winded dialogue, I'd recommend Tobias see the extended scenes from Dogma. I guess if you don't like the words you can't hear the music.) My concern upon reading negative reviews was not that Kevin Smith had made an injoke movie, because I'm absolutely all for that. My concern was that he'd abandoned his wonderful dialogue, and gone for another try at a big budget action comedy. My fears were unfounded in extremis, because the negative reviews bash Smith's longwindedness, while the positive reviews celebrated that very quality which has endeared me to his work since I saw Mallrats. So, I'm ready, and I honestly haven't thought about this that much, even if this paragraph would seem to imply otherwise. I have faith in Kevin Smith. The man continues to deliver what makes him a better damned writer than most anybody working in film right now. So props and stuff.
8-21-01 I was just looking through my guestbook and I realized that for the most part, it's Charlie's little bastard corner. He signs it more than anybody, and because of the way I attributed a quote to him on my quotes page, i.e., Chuck (The Bastard), he decided to wrack his brain on every post for a suitable variation on the theme. So, here, I give you a compilation of bastardry thus far: Chuck, Bastard In C Minor
Chuck (The Bastard)
Chuck (Still A Bastard)
Chuck (More Of A Bastard Than Rhys)
Chuck (Bastard Of The 3rd Degree)
Chuck (Happy Bastard)
Chuck (illinformed Bastard)
Chuck (World Champion Bastard)Chuck (Bastage)
Chuck ( Little Bastard)
Chuck (DJ Bastard)
Chuck (Uber Bastard)
Chuck (Bass Terd)
Chuck (All-Knowing Bastard)
Chuck (Ex -Bastard)
Chuck (Bastardo)
Chuck (Bastard?)
Chuck (OOOOOOH What a Bastard)
Chuck (Right - Wing Bastard)
Chuck (Bastard 2000)
Chuck (Fat Bastard)
Chuck (BOUS [Bastard Of Unusual Size])
Chuck (Bastard Jaxx)
Chuck (Paul Ver Bastard)
Chuck (The Legend Of Spinning Bastard)
Chuck (Dr. Bastard D.D.S)
Chuck (Bastard In The Cupboard)
Chuck (Got Bastard?)
Chuck (Tired Bastard Of The DJ Kingdom)
Chuck (Carmike Movie Bastard)
Chuck (90% More Of A Bastard Than Sydney)
Chuck (Fixin' To Bastard All Over Jesse)
Chuck (Happy Bastard? Oh Yes...)
Chuck (Pure 100% Colombian Bastard)
Chuck (Angry Bastard)
Chuck (Bastard Handbook)
Chuck (Bastard Light)
Chuck (Fuckin Bastard)
Chuck (The Bastard On The Poll)
Chuck (Bastard........kuz I killed Kenny)
Chuck (Ahhhhhh...Bastard)
Yeah. That's right. Stick around folks, there's plenty more bastard where that came from.
8-20-01 Hmm...Stamped Out Crotch Fire is winning. Fuck.
8-17-01 Hey, everybody, I'm on my way to Chatt today, and I'm movin' in and stuff. Mikey, you owe me some friendly hello sex. Wait. No. That's gay and I shouldn't say it. Not that it fucking matters what I say. Apparently my friends have discovered that sexuality is not predetermined by genetic or social factors, but rather, by what's funny and demeaning to another human being. My sexuality has 1)been misconstrued, and 2)trivialized to the level of a fleeting joke. Ah well, guess it doesn't matter that I don't in fact like cock, as long as Charlie is hard pressed to find material anywhere else. God demmit. I need some steady pussy or something. Btw, though Chuck and I aren't going to be able to make it, next Friday, Kayla is throwing the Initial Contact pre party. Here's info. I gotta help spread the word, even though I'm not up for DJing that night. Anyhow, see ya, hozers.
8-15-01 Well, I'm heading back to Chatt tommorow. And I ain't even packed yet. I don't know when I'm going to find the time to pack and go to Lukas' party and go to work tommorow, but I seem to have no choice. My burner is fucked, and that's some unfortunate news for me, as I've just gotten some absolutely badass, rare mp3s. When a fucking mp3 is rare, you know the shit is good. Or rather, I know it is, heheheh. Anyways, I'm about ready to get back in the groove. Mikey, I look forward to finally seeing your house. We should throw a big ass dance party that no one'll come to, just so you can groove to my funk. Anyway, I dunno, I'm just rambling, I'm ready to be out of Oak Ridge, I'm ready to do some theatre again, and I'm looking forward to living in a decent room this year. I got moved up to Boling! Umm..yay? Compare it to where I was, and yes, yay indeed. YOu know? I hate these kinds of post. How boring. This is why I only post when I have something interesting to say or relay.
8-14-01 It would seem to me that Chuck's life is safe. I'm trying to figure out if polls are going to be worth it, and yet, I have to be unconventional in the process, don't I? It never fails, or in this case it does. I don't get this poll really. I think a more interesting poll would be what the question to these answers is, not what the answer is.
8-12-01 What a night. I've posted my set list, and I have a few things to mention. Thanks to Sydney and Kirk very very much. I would not have made it through the night last night, and they let me leave early with Holly(though I ended up riding with Jecca, for some reason I inform you). But seriously, without the two of you, we would've been dead in the water. You guys are very professional, and I thank you. Thanks to Cofer and Mike and Holly and Jon and Jecca for showing up. It wasn't a totally dead party, but I would've felt kind of alone without all of you. I must say, I did not have much energy when I showed up. I've been feeling sick lately, and I was just under stress because I thought the party wouldn't go down, or people wouldn't be able to find it, etc. Those woes were unnecessary. People showed up, and I was supported by my friends, and apparently all the other DJs too, which was nice. It's nice to hear feedback from other DJs, especially ones who can mix a hell of a lot better than I can. Anyway, as I said, I posted my set list, and a few words on that. I'm not posting these things for my own benefit. I'm doing it so all of you can try and find some of this music, which is unnecessarily esoteric given the quality of production and energy within it. I want this music to spread a little. I don't want to see the country swamped with it, but as I am an unknown playing unknowns, I doubt I'll attract that much attention to it. But as I seem to be progressing slowly but surely as a DJ, I must construct some sort of ethic to attach to it, and since I'm playing a relatively obscure style of music for this side of the world, the best I can do is be a booster. After all, it's their talent, really. Not mine. Find this music folks.
