Rantings and Ravings of a Closet Manic Depressive
Please sign my guestbook!
5/25/01
by: C., grade 8
Gone
You were here
But now you're gone
Like the shadows
Of a sorry song
Like the lonesome wind
In the mourning trees
Are you going
To come back to me
The frosty cold
On a winter night
How you kept me warm
And eased my fright
Gnarly nightmares
That took you away
A long lost love
That didn't stay
You were here
But now you're gone
And the silvery nightingale
Finishes her sad song
5/25/01
As I Fall
Though I’ve fallen before
Never was I anything
But alone
Now you fall with me
Out of the sky
And out to the stars
There is no end
There is no start
With your charming smile
You’ve captured my heart
And as I fall
You fall with me
And you’ll be there
To catch me
When I land
If I land
I don’t want to
I like this feeling that I can fly
That I can do anything
That I can be anything
And that you are with me
As I fall
5/25/01
Dreams
Sleep to dream
Clear the clutter
From my brain.
Sleep to dream
Open the shutters
That cover my brain
The shutters called life
That prevent me from
Thinking
The way I was meant to.
The dreams that come
They are like a flood
Of images
And stories
And hopes
And fears
All realized in the depths
Of my dreams.
4/29/01
Shadow Chaser
He hunts in the night
Searching for a soul
Whose will he find?
Will it be hers?
Will it be yours?
Will it be mine?
When the light fades
Is when the Shadow Chaser awakes
He chases the shadows in the night
And he chases the shadows in your life
He hunts in the night
Searching for a soul
Will he help?
Will he hurt?
It’s up to you.
It’s your choice.
You can let your shadows eat at your soul
You can let your shadows add to your fear
Or you can avoid the shadows.
And let your life be empty
And devoid of emotion.
We all have shadows in our hearts
These shadows make us who we are.
But it’s OK to let the Shadow Chaser
Chase some of them away.
It’s OK.
But don’t let him chase them all away
Or he’ll steal your soul
4/27/01
End of Time
The end of time does not exist
There may be a pause
But time is eternal
And there can be no end of time
Though it seems like time grows short,
It just seems that way
For time is eternal
And there can be no end of time
Sixty seconds in a minute
Sixty minutes in an hour
Twenty- four hours in a day
Three hundred sixty- five days in a year
But how many years in a lifetime?
How many days?
How many hours?
How many minutes?
How many seconds?
There is no end
The end of time does not exist
Though your time may end,
All time is eternal
And there can be no end of time.
4/23/01
Thank You
Thank you for my tears
You made me feel human.
Thank you for your tears
You made me feel like I helped.
Thank you for your love
You make me feel like I matter
Thank you for being there
Thank you for caring
Thank you for listening
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for everything
I’ll never forget anything
And I’ll never forget to say thank you.
4/23/01
Believe
There is someone out there for you
And there is someone for me
And I just hope that someday soon
That I can make you see
That I believe in you
And I always have
And I always will.
4/17/01
Letters
There are only 26 letters
But the dictionary has thousands of words
There are only two of us
But together we have thousands of possibilities
There are only a few weeks
But there are thousands of seconds
Thousands of opportunities
Thousands of chances
Thousands of…
What are you waiting for?
All it takes is two and two to make four
Letters.
4/17/01
Fifty Golden Years
For Ben and Margaret, better known as my Grandpa and
Grandma married since June 6, 1951 and still going
strong
Fifty golden years that you’ve been together
Fifty golden years that you’ve been as one
Fifty golden years of love, hope, and tears
Fifty golden years of adventure and fun.
Fifty golden years that you’ve been together
Fifty golden years that have taken you far
Fifty golden years of life with the other
Fifty golden years that make you who you are
Fifty golden years that you’ve leaned on each other
Fifty golden years that have gone by so fast
Fifty golden years that you have made yours
Fifty golden years that have passed in a flash
Fifty years not without heartache
Fifty years not without heartbreak
Fifty years not without love
Fifty years not without fun
Fifty years not without Margaret
Fifty years not without Ben
Fifty golden years that have felt like a day
4/16/01
Falling
Falling into your arms
Feeling so safe and warm
I know that you love me
I know that you want me
But now I’m falling
Down and down and down
I’m falling for you
And I don’t want to stop
And I don’t want to land
Unless you’re there
There to catch me
Falling asleep here with you
Knowing there’s nothing I have to do
To earn your love for me
Because you love me, want me
And now I’m falling
Down and down and down
I’m falling for you
And I don’t want to stop
And I don’t want to land
Unless you’re there
There to catch me
Though I’ve fallen before
No one was with me before
No one loving me
No one wanting me
But now I’m falling
Down and down and down
I’m falling for you
And I don’t want to stop
And I don’t want to land
Because you’re there with me
Falling with me
Falling for me
4/12/01
You can’t have a candle
Without a flame.
You can’t have a fire
Without its heat.
You can’t have a rose
Without a thorn.
You can’t have a life
Without its pain.
You can’t have a love
Without a heart.
You can’t have a night
Without the dark.
You can’t have a love
Without its pain.
You can’t have a life
Without a heart.
4/12/01
Smile
It’s been quite a while
Since I’ve seen your smile.
Won’t you smile for me?
Won’t you let me see?
You try so hard to hide it
But when you’re with me don’t fight it
Why won’t you smile for me?
Why won’t you let me see?
I won’t hurt you, no
I won’t ever let you go
Please won’t you smile for me?
Please won’t you let me see?
Let me see you again?
Let me take away your pain?
‘Cuz it’s been quite a while
Since I’ve seen your smile.
4/12/01
Letting Go
Letting go is so hard to do
It’s easy to cling to what you know
But I have to do what I have to do
I have to let go of you.
Moving on is something I have to do
I can’t keep you here anymore
I’ve got to get over this shit.
Finally going to let go of it.
I think I’m learning something now
That there are others that care for me.
I’m falling all over again
But with you, this is the end.
Letting go is so very hard to do
It’s so tempting to cling to what I know
I know you’re there for me
But you’re not the one for me
I know you do love me
But this is not how it should be
And I have to do what I have to do…
I have to let go
I’m trying to let go
I will let go
I have to let go of you.
4/8/01
Feeling like I’m trapped in my own mind
Feeling like everything like nothing is fine
Like I’ve got someone else inside
‘Cuz these thoughts aren’t mine.
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are so many emotions in my heart
It’s like there’s another person inside
For none of this is mine.
I want to be free of this, I want to be free
I want to remember what it’s like to be me
Right now, there is someone else inside
And I want her to leave, I want to have myself back
I want to know I want to feel what I want to feel.
I want to be me again.
4/8/01
Eternal Perfection
Gently floating on a cloud of air
There is nothing but beauty hovering there
Rainbows swirling
Colors twirling
Perfection is what you’ll always be.
A zephyr pushes you, you’re starting to fall
Drifting down, down, down, you’re so tiny, so small.
Edges wavering
Deftly hovering
Perfection is what you are
The merciless ground rises up oh so fast
Depressing how quickly your life does pass
Soundlessly popping
Soap droplets dropping
Perfection is not eternal.
4/8/01
Interstellar Space
Staring out the window
At the twinkles in the night
As the car whizzes down the road
I wonder what it’s like
Out there
In here it’s cluttered
In here I’m confused
In here I don’t know what to do with myself
And I wonder what it’s like
Out there.
Gazing at the stars
Those mysterious twinkles in the night
I can’t help but think
I wonder what it’s like
Out there.
In here I don’t know who I am
In here I don’t know who I love
In here I don’t know what to do with myself
And I want to someday be
Out there.
Staring out the window
At that one twinkle in the night
As I whiz and fly through interstellar space
I now know what it’s like
Out here.
4/5/01
Dark Chapters (thanks Steve!)
I hope that I know you
Both inside and out
I can read you like a book
But there are some chapters left out.
Those are the ones that you hide from me
All those dark chapters you won’t let me see
It won’t do a thing
If you read those hidden chapters to me
Because I’ll love you still.
You said that this was all of you
All there was to know
You seem an open book
But there are pages that don’t show
Those are the ones that you hide from me
All those dark chapters you won’t let me see
It won’t change a thing
If you read those shadowed chapters to me
Because I’ll love you still.
I’ve shown you all there is to me
I’ve shown you me inside and out
I’m like an open book
With no dark chapter left out
Those are the ones that will make me me
All those dark chapters I let few see
It won’t change a thing
If you share your dark chapters with me
Because I’ll love you still.
And I always will.
4/5/01
Psychosis
I thought you were normal
at first
Then I saw a little of what was wrong
with you
A few months down the road, well, more than
a few
You turned crazy and scared the shit out of me.
Goddamn where do I find these people?
Or should I say,
why do they
find me?
4/4/01
Enigma
What are you?
A mystery?
no.
You go beyond that.
Surreptitiousness?
no.
That’s not it either.
You’re the meaning of life
The reason for dreams
The definition of love
The answer to all the questions
The solution to my problems?
no.
You’re all of these things.
But you’re still an enigma to me.
4/2/01
Locked Out
i can’t get in
i’m locked out
the door’s shut tight
and now i can’t get in
i lost my keys
and nobody cares
the door’s shut tight
and now i’m locked out
i lost my keys
because i’m an idiot
the door’s shut tight
and now i can’t get in
if i had any brains,
i’d go get new keys
the door’s shut tight
and now i’m locked out
but i’m too busy
smoking up, getting drunk
the door’s shut tight
and now i can’t get in
if i had any brains,
i wouldn’t have lost them
but now the door’s shut tight,
and i’m locked out again.
Please sign my guestbook!
3/30/01
Dreamland
Drifting through a red and purple sky
Watching blue and yellow dragons fly
Standing at the very edge of time
Staring into the end of the world.
Marching with Caesar in a bloody battle
Riding with the Duke, up high in his saddle
Standing at the very start of time
Staring into the birth of the world.
Floating over the orange frothy sea
Chasing the nightmare chasing me
Standing at the very edge of time
Staring into the end of the world.
3/29/01
The Dance
Twirling and twisting
Stepping in time
Dancing with him
And everything’s fine
He keeps you close
He holds you tight
As you dance and dance
Throughout the night
The music soars
It grows quite loud
And you dance with him
In front of that crowd
You listen to the song
You’re feeling the beat
Light, flowing steps
With your nimble feet
He stops--
And you bow
The show’s over
… for now.
3/27/01
You trust in him
And he lets you down
You believe in him
And he lets you down
You tell him all your hurts
Ask him for his help
And he lets you down
But does he let you down?
Or is he just not there?
No one can be that cruel
No one.
Not even god.
Don’t trust in him
He’s not there
I won’t believe in him
He’s not there
Won’t tell him all my hurts
Or ask for his help
‘Cause he’s not there
No one can be that cruel
No one.
Not even god.
But that’s who he is supposed to be.
3/27/01
Speak up
I can’t know your thoughts
I can’t read your mind
As far as what you’ve told me,
Everything is fine.
I don’t know the problem
I don’t know what’s wrong
I can’t fix it, can’t change it
If I don’t know what’s wrong
You’ve got to speak your mind, love
You’ve got to tell me
You can’t keep it inside
It’s not something to hide
Just tell me, babe,
Just speak up.
You said this has happened
Say you’ve been here before
As far as what you’ve told me,
It’s something to ignore.
I don’t know the problem
I don’t know what’s wrong
I can’t fix it, can’t change it
Not knowing what’s wrong
You’ve got to speak your mind, love
You’ve got to speak up
Not something to hide
Don’t keep it inside
You can tell me, baby
Just tell me
Or is there something wrong?
I don’t know
You won’t tell me
Or is there something wrong?
I don’t know
You won’t tell me
I can’t read your thoughts
I can’t read your mind
Is there something wrong?
I don’t know
You won’t tell me
You’ve got to speak your mind, love
You’ve got to speak up
You’ve got nothing to hide,
Nothing to keep inside
You can tell me, baby,
Just tell me.
Don’t keep it inside,
You’ve got nothing to hide
From me.
3/24/01
Marching
Marching on in this parade
Even when the sunlight starts to fade
Marching on, out of the light
On into the endless night.
Marching on in this life
Even when yours is filled with strife
Marching on, into the light
Out, out of the endless night.
Still you keep going
And for this I am proud
Still you keep marching
And for this I am proud
I know you can do it
Just keep on going
Out of the night
Just keep on marching
Into the endless light
I know you will do it.
Marching on in this parade
Even when the sunlight begins to fade.
Marching on, towards the light
Out, out of the endless night.
3/24/01
Yo soy una mujer
Yo tengo un corazón muy fragíl.
Y tú me dueles cuando dice que no hay nada.
Si no hay nada,
¿Por qué no lo me dijo ayer?
¿O anteayer?
¿O el año pasado?
Yo tengo un corazón muy fragíl
Y también creo que tú tengas un corazón.
Y si me amas cómo me dice,
¿Por qué me dueles?
Siempre es la pregunta
¿Por qué?
**translation?**
3/23/01
Lies
Would I lie to you?
Could I lie to you?
Should I lie to you?
I think the answer
Is yes.
I can tell you how
I feel, but
Not about you.
Although I said
I never would
And thought
I never could
I know that
I should
lie.
Do I lie to me?
Will I lie to me?
Have I lied to me?
To myself?
I know the answer
Is yes.
I don’t know how
I feel
About you.
Although I know
I never should,
I always knew
I would
lie.
Would you lie to me?
Could you lie to me?
Should you lie to me?
Do you lie to me?
Will you lie to me?
Have you lied to me?
I think the --
I know the
Answer.
It’s yes.
I know you
Pretend
To care.
You told me
It’s wrong to
lie.
But that was a
lie.
What wasn’t a
lie?
3/23/01
Magic
A dragon
A wizard
A warlock
A witch
A curse or
A spell with
Some powder,
A pinch.
A castle
A battle
A princess
A prince
An end or
A start with
A dragon
A wizard
A warlock
A witch
A curse or
A spell with
Some powder,
A pinch.
A story
A fable
A legend
A tale
A myth or
A book with
A castle
A battle
A princess
A prince
An end or
A start with
A dragon
A wizard
A warlock
A witch
A curse or
A spell with
Some powder,
A pinch.
3/20/01
Exhausted
So tired
I’m wired
Can’t sleep
So deep
Laughing and laughing
At nothing at nothing
Need to sleep
So deep
But I don’t
And I won’t
So tired
I’m wired
Time for bed
Sleepy head
So tired
So tired
3/20/01
Spring Cleaning, The Concept Applied
Cleaning out the archives of my brain,
I noticed you no longer cause me pain.
Is this because I don’t care?
Or because you aren’t there?
Did you fall out of my head?
Are you simply dead?
I’m not quite sure, you know.
Cleaning out the archives of my mind,
I was quite surprised to find
that there is some doubt up there.
Is this because I might care?
Or because you’re so nutty?
Because I laugh when you’re funny?
I’m not quite sure, you know.
3/15/01
Ice Princess II
There’s a princess in my room
She’s made of ice.
She still turns the heat all the way up
But I think she’s starting to melt.
It’s still hotter than hell in my room
But the princess doesn’t glare
When I open the window
Or even when I talk to her
She doesn’t take it personally anymore
When I turn down the heat
Because I can’t breathe
There’s a princess in my room
She’s made of ice
But she might have feelings
And I think the princess is starting to melt…
3/15/01
Running
I’ve been running for so long
And I can’t do it anymore
I’ve been running to you
From you
And I’m tired
I can’t keep running
Now I’ve got nowhere to run to
I used to run to you
Now I run from you…
No
I’m just running
And I’ve got nowhere to go
Or do I?
Is there someone?
Can I run to him?
Can I run anymore?
I don’t think so.
I think he needs to stop running
To stop running to me
And I need to stop running
To stop running to you
From you.
3/12/01
Sounds Can Tell a Story
A whisper
A scream
A tinkle of bells
A gentle moonbeam
All is well
Everything’s right
And that’s ‘cuz I know
You’ll dream with me tonight.
A lullaby
A song
A twinkle of stars
I feel something’s wrong
Not all is well
Nothing is right
That’s ‘cause I don’t know
Where you are tonight
A whisper
A scream
A tinkle of bells
A gentle moonbeam
A lullaby
A song
A twinkle of stars
A sadness…
You’re gone.
3/12/01
Interrogation
Where were you when I needed you?
I cried out and you weren’t there.
Who do you think you are?
So high, way up there?
What did I do that was so wrong?
Why do you let me doubt?
I don’t understand you
But you don’t help me figure it out
Just when I think I know you
Just when I think you care,
Something makes me stop believing.
And I know that you’re not there.
But where were you when I needed you?
When I was hurting the most?
It seems whenever I need you
You’re ephemeral as a ghost.
Why do I have to ask these questions?
Where did I go wrong?
Why do people hurt me?
Leave me crying all night long?
Are you really there for me?
Ready to answer my call?
Are you really there?
God? Are you there at all?
3/11/01
What…?!
When I met you, there was nothing.
Now that I know you, there is something.
I don’t know what it is
I don’t know if it’s true
But I’m thinking it all comes down to you.
When you’re around I always have fun.
But I wonder if I haven’t already met “the one.”
I don’t know if it is
I don’t know what to do
But I'm thinking that it all comes down to you.
You make me laugh
You make me smile
When it comes down to it,
You’ll go that extra mile…
Yeah you’ve got a laugh,
Ready with a smile
And when it comes down to it,
You’ll go that extra mile.
When I met you, there was nothing.
Now that I know you, there is something.
I don’t know what it is
I don’t know if it’s true
But I’m thinking it all comes down to you.
3/11/01
Friends
Yeah, I had “friends”
Yeah, I went out on the town.
But where are they now?
Why aren’t they around?
Oh wait…
I know…
It’s because they weren’t
Weren’t my “friends”
Weren’t my…
Anything.
They were nothing to me
And I realize that
Now.
And now I do have friends
People who love me
People who care
People who will always be there
For me.
As I am for them.
Always.
2/24/01
Bob
What about Bob?
He’s here all by himself
What about Bob?
Forgotten on the shelf.
What about Bob?
Your favorite from the past
What about Bob?
You once took him to class.
What about Bob?
He looks so lonely and sad.
What about Bob?
If I were him, I’d be mad.
What about Bob?
Sitting there all alone
What about Bob?
Propped up by the phone.
What about Bob?
You said you’d keep him til the end.
What about Bob?
I thought he was your friend.
2/24/01
What if I left?
Stopped hanging out with you.
Would you care?
Would you miss me at all?
Would it be losing a friend?
Would it leave a hole inside you?
If I left?
But if you left?
Stopped hanging out with me.
I would care
I would miss you a lot
I would be losing my best friend.
I would have a hole inside me
If you left.
2/24/01
Weather
The sun shines smilingly
Down on the warm wonderful world.
The rain pours ponderously
Down on the wet wonderful world.
The snow drifts dreamily
Down on the white wonderful world.
The breeze blows mightily
Down on the windy wonderful world.
Then
The moon stares silently
Down on the eerily evil earth.
The rain pours drowningly
Down on the eerily evil earth.
The snow drifts dangerously
Down on the eerily evil earth.
The breeze blows furiously
Down on the eerily evil earth.
Then
The sun shines smilingly…
2/23/01
Parents
They try and they try
But they try too hard.
They punish for the wrong reasons
But not when they should.
They would give you whatever they can
But not when you really need it.
They save everything for you
But they don’t share when the time comes.
Or do they save for you at all?
Or do they save you at all?
It doesn’t seem like that.
Not at all.
2/23/01
There is no reason
No reason for the treason
No reason at all.
You told me you cared
But you’re no longer there
Not anymore
Where did you go?
Why don’t you trust me anymore?
Why do I have to ask this?
2/23/01
I knew I would have to let you go
I knew I would have to let you fly
And I tried, tried to prepare myself for that day
And I thought, thought I could go it alone
So why am I dying inside?
So I’ll be waiting at the gates of heaven
Waiting for when I’ll see you again
Waiting to hear you sing to me again
I’ll be waiting for that someday
Waiting for someday
I did it, I let you go.
I did it, I let you fly.
And I did it, I prepared myself for yesterday
And I knew, knew I could go it alone.
So why am I dying inside?
But I’ll be waiting at the gates to heaven
Knowing that I’ll see you again
Knowing I’ll hear you sing to me again
I’ll be waiting for that someday.
Waiting for someday
But how long will I have to wait?
2/22/01
Don’t
Wasting time worryin’ ‘bout things
Just wasting time
Wasting precious time
Time to have fun
Time to play
Instead you’re sittin’ here
Worrying and fearing
Crying and fearing
Sittin’ here
Just wasting tears
Wasting precious tears
Tears over me
Tears over—
Me.
Don’t…
Not for me
Not for her
Not for him
Not for them.
They’re wasted
And that’s a waste.
2/22/01
Thoughts on God
God
An all-powerful deity
A being who “cares”
Someone who can free me.
Who can free me from sin
Save me from destruction from within.
God
A merciful deity
A being who “loves”
Someone who can free me
Who can free me from all
Save me from “evil’s call”.
but where was “god”
when I needed
when I wanted
when I prayed
where was God?
I searched
I needed I wanted I prayed
And I found nothing.
Nothing. Nothing but what I had to begin with
Nothing.
god
is anyone there?
someone who loves?
someone who cares?
someone who can listen?
someone who can save me from destruction from within?
I haven’t found anyone yet.
2/22/01
Beauty
Who is this?
A blonde with a megawatt smile
Who is this?
A redhead with a killer body.
Who is this?
A bald guy with a beer belly.
Who is this?
An old lady with blue hair.
Who are they?
They are all beautiful in someone’s eyes.
Maybe yours
Maybe mine
Maybe hers
Maybe his
Maybe not
Who am I?
A person with the beauty inside
Who are you?
You tell me.
I already think you’re beautiful.
Even with my eyes closed.
2/20/01
Days
Monday you told me you loved me
By Friday night you were gone
What happened to the days in between
What happened to me?
To you?
To us?
Monday we were the best of friends
By Friday night we were not
What happened to the days in between?
What happened to me?
To you?
To us?
We started so well
But it ended so bad
And now that you’re gone
I’m feeling so sad
So sad
So down
So alone…
Monday you came crawling back here
Monday night you were gone…
What happened to me?
What happened to you?
What happened to us?
Where did the time go?
2/20/01
Everything
You dream of a better way
But you’re here with me today
And I’ll never go away
Never leave you this way.
You wish for someone to hold
Someone to keep you from the cold
Just remember what you’ve been told
Told about being bold
About chasing the dream
About trying to fly
About living your life
I want you to dream
I want you to fly
I want you to grow
I want you to try
I want you to be everything you were meant to be
You felt so alone
Like everyone had gone
There wasn’t anybody home
You thought you were alone.
You dream of a better way
But you’re here with me today
And I’ll never go away
Never leave you this way.
2/15/01
Untitled
by: Kristin
What if?
The sky fell
down, the
moon stopped
shining, the
sun grew
dim, day became
night, the
oceans dried
up, the world
ended!
What if?
I had never
seen your
smile, never
heard your
laugh, never
felt your
arms around me,
never knew
the touch
of your lips,
the world
would end!
2/15/01
Ode to World Religions
by: Kristin
Mondays and Thursdays my life is complete
I sit in a class and I think and I think
I phase in and out paying no attention at all
Cuz I suffer through talks about god and all
Day after day minute by minute
I can't concentrate when the man with the beard
talks and talks and talks... forever
Shave your beard and cut your hair
Wash your clothes and change your course
Don't go round and round in thought
Answer the question and don't give thought
Please just END.
2/14/01
The Fourteenth
Who is this idiot anyway?
Patron “Saint” of love?
Got his own goddamn day.
So? February 14th?
It's painful in so many ways.
I don’t care if you got chocolate
Or even a card from Aunt May
I really really really really HATE
That “lovey dovey” Valentine’s Day.
2/14/01
Abandoned
I know that you’re hurt
I know that you tried
I know that there’s a little part of you
That withered inside.
You know that she’s gone
You know she’s still there
You know she took something away with her
That used to be there.
She knows she used you
She knows it was fun
She knows there wouldn’t be anything more
So now it’s all done
If you need someone
If you want someone
If you want someone to cry on, laugh at
You know where I am.
2/14/01
Tomorrow
Tomorrow
The sun will shine.
Unless it rains.
But eventually the sun will shine again.
Tomorrow
Will be better.
Unless I’m hurt
But eventually the sun will shine again.
Tomorrow
You will smile
Unless you frown
But eventually the sun will shine again.
Tomorrow
The sun will shine
Eventually the sun will shine again.
2/11/01
Music
A lilting tune
An upbeat rhyme
Clapping my hands
Tapping in time
But something’s gone
Not quite right
That something’s you
Not here t’night
The soaring voice
The thumping bass
I hear the song
But I see your face
Smiling before me
Where it’s always been
Smiling forever
Again and again
Cold winter days
Warm summer nights
Without you here
The music ain’t right
The music of my heart
The tune of my song
Is all about you
Has been all along.
2/11/01
Sleeping
Dreaming
Wishing
On a star
Oh so far
away.
Waiting
Hoping
Watching
A shooting star
So very far
away.
2/9/01 (Ok, some of this I ripped from MB20, but not really)
She closes her eyes
And she fights back the tears
And she’ll be silent.
No one beside her.
But she thinks ‘bout the “whys”
And those long lonely years
Without a pilot
No one to guide her.
She opens her heart
And she starts learning to smile.
And she’s beautiful now
Strength for the world.
It’s a wonderful start,
And it’ll take a while,
But she’s not quite sure how.
Last beautiful girl.
The world is at an end
She don’t know what to do
So she’ll be silent
No one beside her
And no one is her friend
She’s been livin’ without you
Without her pilot
No one to guide her
Last beautiful girl
At the edge of the world.
2/8/01
Mirrors
“When you look in the Mirror,
Wish you were somebody else.
But it’s still your reflection,
You and no one else…”
But still you look in that Mirror.
Still you see what you are.
But you wish the Mirror would show
Just who you really are.
So many reflections,
So much introspection
Of what you are about.
Life has so many Mirrors
So much to reflect, to show.
But still something’s gone
But what’s what you don’t know
So many reflections,
So few recollections,
Of what life is about.
Don’t know who you are
Don’t know who you’ve been
So you look in the Mirror,
But what will you do then?
2/8/01
Money
“Fi-dollars”
“Fiddy cent”
What is the point?
What’s truly meant?
When someone won’t share
When someone who cares
Can’t give it away.
It’s hard to be rich,
Harder to be poor.
But I know that she’s neither,
But she’s not sharing, either.
At least not with me.
I’m not asking for much,
I’m just asking for help.
But I shouldn’t have to be
And neither should he
Be struggling.
So he’s got a little more
OK, that’s fine.
But he’s spread real thin
And you’re just out to win
But it’s me that loses.
But it’s me that loses.
2/8/01
She carries a notebook
To write about her thoughts
About her day
About her adventures
About her dreams.
She writes in a notebook
To express all her thoughts
All her joy
All her pain
All her dreams
She reads from a notebook
To rethink her thoughts
To remember her day
To relish her adventures
To relive her joy
To repress her pain
To realize her dreams.
2/7/01
The Wonderful World of WIJ
“Science” mind numbing
worthless
repetitive
boring
same ol’ shit
“Math” limited
easy
repetitive
boring
same ol’ shit
“Literature” not up to standard
easy
repetitive
boring
same ol’ shit
“History” lukewarm
fifty- fifty
repetitive
boring
same ol’ shit
And they call this “education”
They can kiss my unlearned ass.
2/5/01
Fallen
As I drift off to sleep,
I just wish you could hear
All the thoughts I hold dear
Floating in my mind
Do you dream of me now?
About how these things were?
Still you’re dreaming of her
And she’s gone…
You are grasping at straws
You’re way too far gone
Much too far from
Where you ought to be
But I can plainly see,
Though you’ve tried and you’ve tried
To keep her deep inside
She’s still there, haunting you
You’ve fallen down, way down
And I’ll help you with this…
If only you’d let me
2/2/01
Spark
the spark
is there
can you feel it?
the sound
in the air
can you hear it?
i know we’ve
talked this through
you thought about it?
but i can’t help
but wonder
but do i doubt it?
i don’t doubt the spark
you do doubt it all
so i don’t know
where to go from here
2/2/01
Burger King
The Burger King
He wears his crown
He holds his drink
Quite upside down
Although it’s frosty and wet.
1/31/01
Moving On
You can’t dwell on the past
The past is long gone.
The present is for living,
So you’ve got to move on.
Move beyond all the laughs,
Move beyond all the tears
Move beyond all the fun,
Move beyond all the fears.
There is no time for this
No time anymore
I can’t do this anymore.
You are gone from my life,
But not from my heart.
Oh no, never out of my heart
But I can’t dwell on the past,
The past is long gone.
The present is for living,
So you’ve got to move on.
Move beyond all the hurt
Move beyond all the pain
Move beyond all the heartache
Move beyond all the same.
I know that I have to be strong
That I have to move on
That I have to move on
But it’s so hard, with you still there
With you still here with me
Standing by me, always…
But I can’t cry anymore
Not for what I’ve lost
Not for what so many have lost.
I have to keep going on
You make me laugh
You always make me laugh so hard
And though I won’t dwell on the past
The past is long gone
The present is for living,
So I’m gonna move on
But I’ll hang onto the laughs
I’ll hang onto the fun
I’ll hang onto the good times
‘Cause I know they aren’t done.
1/29/01 (This one's for you Casey)
You know that you’ve loved him,
You know you do still,
But if you don’t get out now,
Then you never will.
He treats you so precious,
Then he’ll treat you like dirt,
And when you get off the phone,
It’s your heart that does hurt.
You know it’s for the better
But you can’t stand to see him cry.
You know that you need this,
But it’s never easy saying goodbye.
It’s not over forever,
Just for this time now,
And he’s still there for you,
But you wonder how.
How you could have missed
That life was passing you by.
When you slept in his arms,
When he made you cry.
He says he won’t hurt you,
He doesn’t hit you, true.
But the doubts you have inside
Are what’s hurting you.
Go with what you think best,
Though there has to be some price.
Keep your chin way up high,
And remember that lightning could strike twice.
1/29/01
There’s a princess in my room.
She’s made of ice.
She turns the heat all the way up
But she still doesn’t melt!
It’s hotter than hell in my room
And the princess just glares
When I open the window
Because I can’t breathe.
She takes it personally when I turn down the heat
But I don’t care.
There’s a princess in my room.
She’s made of ice.
But she can’t hurt me.
She’s made of ice.
She has no feelings.
She’s made of ice.
1/23/01
Because
I need to know, you
Tell me the truth,
Even if it hurts
Me. Or perhaps
Everyone but me…
1/23/01
White water rushes
Through narrow winding canyons
Flowing to the sea
1/23/01
Sick Cycle
Jane loves Jim with all her heart, body and soul.
He loves her not.
She lays the world and everything in it at his feet.
He steps on it.
She treats him like the god he is in her eyes.
He punishes her.
She finally realizes that she can do better.
He screams at her.
She runs away and stays with friends for a while.
He hunts her down.
She begs him to forgive her and wonders how she could have been so naughty?
He beats her.
She crawls into the ER with a broken nose, cracked ribs and the memories…
He goes to a bar…
Jen loves Jim with all her heart body and soul.
He loves her not…
Jane loves John with all her heart body and soul.
He loves her not…
1/23/01
up
down
all over town
you sure give me the runaround
i wish i knew where we are goin!
1/22/01
Real Abuse
I was doin all of m’ homework one day
Just like a “good girl,” or so they would say.
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a geek!
What the---?
So I stopped doin homework, flunked outta school.
All my friends and family: they called me a fool!
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a dropout!
What the---?
So I found a sh*ty ass job to earn me some cash.
When workin at Shaw’s, time don’t pass so fast.
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a checkout girl!
What the---?
So I quit that dumb job and found me some men,
They all really were pricks, but they were fun
then.
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a player!
What the---?
So here I sit at age eighty five
With blue hair like a beehive
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That gettin hit with reality hurts!
1/9/01
Who am I?
Approachable
Bubbly
Creative
Devious
Energetic
Flirty
Garrulous
Hurting
Ignorant
Judgmental
Karyn
Lazy
Maternal
Nocturnal
Oblivious
Predictable
Quiet
Right
Seductive
Tired
Unloved
Violent
Wistful
Xenophobic
Youthful
Zealous
1/9/01
There once was a girl from Rhode Island.
Who fell for a boy with a dialect
But did he feel the same?
Not knowing drove her insane
Til this innocent girl became violent.
1/8/01
Beyond
Just when I thought it was so safe
You proved me wrong.
Just when I thought it was okay
You proved me wrong.
I am near lost
Beyond all hope
I am floating
Beyond the sky
I want you, love
Beyond all else
I want your love
Beyond what I’ve got
I thought we were not much closerthanthis
You proved me wrong.
I thought we were just the best of friends
You proved me wrong.
I am near lost
Beyond all hope.
I am floating
Beyond the sky.
I want you, love,
Beyond all else.
I want your love,
Beyond what I’ve got.
You thought no one could love you
I proved you wrong.
You thought were all alone
I proved you wrong.
We are both lost
Beyond all hope
We are floating
Beyond the sky
I want you, love
Beyond all else
You just want love
But that’s what you’ve got.
ARCHIVES!! HOME
