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Rantings and Ravings of a Closet Manic Depressive


Please sign my guestbook!



5/25/01
by: C., grade 8
Gone

You were here
But now you're gone
Like the shadows
Of a sorry song

Like the lonesome wind
In the mourning trees
Are you going
To come back to me

The frosty cold
On a winter night
How you kept me warm
And eased my fright

Gnarly nightmares
That took you away
A long lost love
That didn't stay

You were here
But now you're gone
And the silvery nightingale
Finishes her sad song


5/25/01
As I Fall

Though Iíve fallen before
Never was I anything
But alone
Now you fall with me
Out of the sky
And out to the stars
There is no end
There is no start
With your charming smile
Youíve captured my heart
And as I fall
You fall with me
And youíll be there
To catch me
When I land
If I land
I donít want to
I like this feeling that I can fly
That I can do anything
That I can be anything
And that you are with me
As I fall


5/25/01
Dreams

Sleep to dream
Clear the clutter
From my brain.
Sleep to dream
Open the shutters
That cover my brain
The shutters called life
That prevent me from
Thinking
The way I was meant to.
The dreams that come
They are like a flood
Of images
And stories
And hopes
And fears
All realized in the depths
Of my dreams.



4/29/01
Shadow Chaser

He hunts in the night
Searching for a soul
Whose will he find?
Will it be hers?
Will it be yours?
Will it be mine?
When the light fades
Is when the Shadow Chaser awakes
He chases the shadows in the night
And he chases the shadows in your life
He hunts in the night
Searching for a soul
Will he help?
Will he hurt?
Itís up to you.
Itís your choice.
You can let your shadows eat at your soul
You can let your shadows add to your fear
Or you can avoid the shadows.
And let your life be empty
And devoid of emotion.
We all have shadows in our hearts
These shadows make us who we are.
But itís OK to let the Shadow Chaser
Chase some of them away.
Itís OK.
But donít let him chase them all away
Or heíll steal your soul


4/27/01
End of Time

The end of time does not exist
There may be a pause
But time is eternal
And there can be no end of time

Though it seems like time grows short,
It just seems that way
For time is eternal
And there can be no end of time

Sixty seconds in a minute
Sixty minutes in an hour
Twenty- four hours in a day
Three hundred sixty- five days in a year
But how many years in a lifetime?
How many days?
How many hours?
How many minutes?
How many seconds?
There is no end

The end of time does not exist
Though your time may end,
All time is eternal
And there can be no end of time.


4/23/01
Thank You

Thank you for my tears
You made me feel human.
Thank you for your tears
You made me feel like I helped.
Thank you for your love
You make me feel like I matter
Thank you for being there
Thank you for caring
Thank you for listening
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for everything
Iíll never forget anything
And Iíll never forget to say thank you.


4/23/01
Believe

There is someone out there for you
And there is someone for me
And I just hope that someday soon
That I can make you see
That I believe in you
And I always have
And I always will.


4/17/01
Letters

There are only 26 letters
But the dictionary has thousands of words
There are only two of us
But together we have thousands of possibilities
There are only a few weeks
But there are thousands of seconds
Thousands of opportunities
Thousands of chances
Thousands ofÖ
What are you waiting for?
All it takes is two and two to make four
Letters.


4/17/01
Fifty Golden Years
For Ben and Margaret, better known as my Grandpa and
Grandma married since June 6, 1951 and still going
strong

Fifty golden years that youíve been together
Fifty golden years that youíve been as one
Fifty golden years of love, hope, and tears
Fifty golden years of adventure and fun.
Fifty golden years that youíve been together
Fifty golden years that have taken you far
Fifty golden years of life with the other
Fifty golden years that make you who you are
Fifty golden years that youíve leaned on each other
Fifty golden years that have gone by so fast
Fifty golden years that you have made yours
Fifty golden years that have passed in a flash
Fifty years not without heartache
Fifty years not without heartbreak
Fifty years not without love
Fifty years not without fun
Fifty years not without Margaret
Fifty years not without Ben
Fifty golden years that have felt like a day


4/16/01
Falling

Falling into your arms
Feeling so safe and warm
I know that you love me
I know that you want me

But now Iím falling
Down and down and down
Iím falling for you
And I donít want to stop
And I donít want to land
Unless youíre there
There to catch me

Falling asleep here with you
Knowing thereís nothing I have to do
To earn your love for me
Because you love me, want me

And now Iím falling
Down and down and down
Iím falling for you
And I donít want to stop
And I donít want to land
Unless youíre there
There to catch me

Though Iíve fallen before
No one was with me before
No one loving me
No one wanting me

But now Iím falling
Down and down and down
Iím falling for you
And I donít want to stop
And I donít want to land
Because youíre there with me
Falling with me
Falling for me


4/12/01
You canít have a candle
Without a flame.
You canít have a fire
Without its heat.
You canít have a rose
Without a thorn.
You canít have a life
Without its pain.
You canít have a love
Without a heart.
You canít have a night
Without the dark.
You canít have a love
Without its pain.
You canít have a life
Without a heart.


4/12/01
Smile

Itís been quite a while
Since Iíve seen your smile.
Wonít you smile for me?
Wonít you let me see?
You try so hard to hide it
But when youíre with me donít fight it
Why wonít you smile for me?
Why wonít you let me see?
I wonít hurt you, no
I wonít ever let you go
Please wonít you smile for me?
Please wonít you let me see?
Let me see you again?
Let me take away your pain?
ĎCuz itís been quite a while
Since Iíve seen your smile.


4/12/01
Letting Go

Letting go is so hard to do
Itís easy to cling to what you know
But I have to do what I have to do
I have to let go of you.

Moving on is something I have to do
I canít keep you here anymore
Iíve got to get over this shit.
Finally going to let go of it.

I think Iím learning something now
That there are others that care for me.
Iím falling all over again
But with you, this is the end.

Letting go is so very hard to do
Itís so tempting to cling to what I know
I know youíre there for me
But youíre not the one for me
I know you do love me
But this is not how it should be
And I have to do what I have to doÖ
I have to let go
Iím trying to let go
I will let go
I have to let go of you.


4/8/01
Feeling like Iím trapped in my own mind
Feeling like everything like nothing is fine
Like Iíve got someone else inside
ĎCuz these thoughts arenít mine.
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are so many emotions in my heart
Itís like thereís another person inside
For none of this is mine.
I want to be free of this, I want to be free
I want to remember what itís like to be me
Right now, there is someone else inside
And I want her to leave, I want to have myself back
I want to know I want to feel what I want to feel.
I want to be me again.


4/8/01
Eternal Perfection

Gently floating on a cloud of air
There is nothing but beauty hovering there
Rainbows swirling
Colors twirling
Perfection is what youíll always be.
A zephyr pushes you, youíre starting to fall
Drifting down, down, down, youíre so tiny, so small.
Edges wavering
Deftly hovering
Perfection is what you are
The merciless ground rises up oh so fast
Depressing how quickly your life does pass
Soundlessly popping
Soap droplets dropping
Perfection is not eternal.


4/8/01
Interstellar Space

Staring out the window
At the twinkles in the night
As the car whizzes down the road
I wonder what itís like
Out there
In here itís cluttered
In here Iím confused
In here I donít know what to do with myself
And I wonder what itís like
Out there.
Gazing at the stars
Those mysterious twinkles in the night
I canít help but think
I wonder what itís like
Out there.
In here I donít know who I am
In here I donít know who I love
In here I donít know what to do with myself
And I want to someday be
Out there.
Staring out the window
At that one twinkle in the night
As I whiz and fly through interstellar space
I now know what itís like
Out here.


4/5/01
Dark Chapters (thanks Steve!)

I hope that I know you
Both inside and out
I can read you like a book
But there are some chapters left out.

Those are the ones that you hide from me
All those dark chapters you wonít let me see
It wonít do a thing
If you read those hidden chapters to me
Because Iíll love you still.

You said that this was all of you
All there was to know
You seem an open book
But there are pages that donít show

Those are the ones that you hide from me
All those dark chapters you wonít let me see
It wonít change a thing
If you read those shadowed chapters to me
Because Iíll love you still.

Iíve shown you all there is to me
Iíve shown you me inside and out
Iím like an open book
With no dark chapter left out

Those are the ones that will make me me
All those dark chapters I let few see
It wonít change a thing
If you share your dark chapters with me
Because Iíll love you still.
And I always will.


4/5/01
Psychosis

I thought you were normal
at first
Then I saw a little of what was wrong
with you
A few months down the road, well, more than
a few
You turned crazy and scared the shit out of me.
Goddamn where do I find these people?
Or should I say,
why do they
find me?


4/4/01
Enigma

What are you?
A mystery?
no.
You go beyond that.
Surreptitiousness?
no.
Thatís not it either.
Youíre the meaning of life
The reason for dreams
The definition of love
The answer to all the questions
The solution to my problems?
no.
Youíre all of these things.
But youíre still an enigma to me.


4/2/01
Locked Out

i canít get in
iím locked out
the doorís shut tight
and now i canít get in

i lost my keys
and nobody cares
the doorís shut tight
and now iím locked out

i lost my keys
because iím an idiot
the doorís shut tight
and now i canít get in

if i had any brains,
iíd go get new keys
the doorís shut tight
and now iím locked out

but iím too busy
smoking up, getting drunk
the doorís shut tight
and now i canít get in

if i had any brains,
i wouldnít have lost them
but now the doorís shut tight,
and iím locked out again. Please sign my guestbook!



3/30/01
Dreamland

Drifting through a red and purple sky
Watching blue and yellow dragons fly
Standing at the very edge of time
Staring into the end of the world.

Marching with Caesar in a bloody battle
Riding with the Duke, up high in his saddle
Standing at the very start of time
Staring into the birth of the world.

Floating over the orange frothy sea
Chasing the nightmare chasing me
Standing at the very edge of time
Staring into the end of the world.


3/29/01
The Dance

Twirling and twisting
Stepping in time
Dancing with him
And everythingís fine
He keeps you close
He holds you tight
As you dance and dance
Throughout the night
The music soars
It grows quite loud
And you dance with him
In front of that crowd
You listen to the song
Youíre feeling the beat
Light, flowing steps
With your nimble feet
He stops--
And you bow
The showís over
Ö for now.


3/27/01
You trust in him
And he lets you down
You believe in him
And he lets you down
You tell him all your hurts
Ask him for his help
And he lets you down

But does he let you down?
Or is he just not there?
No one can be that cruel
No one.
Not even god.

Donít trust in him
Heís not there
I wonít believe in him
Heís not there
Wonít tell him all my hurts
Or ask for his help
ĎCause heís not there

No one can be that cruel
No one.
Not even god.
But thatís who he is supposed to be.


3/27/01
Speak up

I canít know your thoughts
I canít read your mind
As far as what youíve told me,
Everything is fine.
I donít know the problem
I donít know whatís wrong
I canít fix it, canít change it
If I donít know whatís wrong

Youíve got to speak your mind, love
Youíve got to tell me
You canít keep it inside
Itís not something to hide
Just tell me, babe,
Just speak up.

You said this has happened
Say youíve been here before
As far as what youíve told me,
Itís something to ignore.
I donít know the problem
I donít know whatís wrong
I canít fix it, canít change it
Not knowing whatís wrong

Youíve got to speak your mind, love
Youíve got to speak up
Not something to hide
Donít keep it inside
You can tell me, baby
Just tell me

Or is there something wrong?
I donít know
You wonít tell me
Or is there something wrong?
I donít know
You wonít tell me
I canít read your thoughts
I canít read your mind
Is there something wrong?
I donít know
You wonít tell me

Youíve got to speak your mind, love
Youíve got to speak up
Youíve got nothing to hide,
Nothing to keep inside
You can tell me, baby,
Just tell me.

Donít keep it inside,
Youíve got nothing to hide
From me.


3/24/01
Marching

Marching on in this parade
Even when the sunlight starts to fade
Marching on, out of the light
On into the endless night.

Marching on in this life
Even when yours is filled with strife
Marching on, into the light
Out, out of the endless night.

Still you keep going
And for this I am proud
Still you keep marching
And for this I am proud
I know you can do it

Just keep on going
Out of the night
Just keep on marching
Into the endless light
I know you will do it.

Marching on in this parade
Even when the sunlight begins to fade.
Marching on, towards the light
Out, out of the endless night.


3/24/01
Yo soy una mujer
Yo tengo un corazůn muy fragŪl.
Y tķ me dueles cuando dice que no hay nada.
Si no hay nada,
ŅPor quť no lo me dijo ayer?
ŅO anteayer?
ŅO el aŮo pasado?
Yo tengo un corazůn muy fragŪl
Y tambiťn creo que tķ tengas un corazůn.
Y si me amas cůmo me dice,
ŅPor quť me dueles?
Siempre es la pregunta
ŅPor quť?

**translation?**

3/23/01
Lies

Would I lie to you?
Could I lie to you?
Should I lie to you?
I think the answer
Is yes.
I can tell you how
I feel, but
Not about you.
Although I said
I never would
And thought
I never could
I know that
I should
lie.

Do I lie to me?
Will I lie to me?
Have I lied to me?
To myself?
I know the answer
Is yes.
I donít know how
I feel
About you.
Although I know
I never should,
I always knew
I would
lie.

Would you lie to me?
Could you lie to me?
Should you lie to me?
Do you lie to me?
Will you lie to me?
Have you lied to me?
I think the --
I know the
Answer.
Itís yes.
I know you
Pretend
To care.
You told me
Itís wrong to
lie.
But that was a
lie.
What wasnít a
lie?


3/23/01
Magic

A dragon
A wizard
A warlock
A witch
A curse or
A spell with
Some powder,
A pinch.

A castle
A battle
A princess
A prince
An end or
A start with
A dragon
A wizard
A warlock
A witch
A curse or
A spell with
Some powder,
A pinch.

A story
A fable
A legend
A tale
A myth or
A book with
A castle
A battle
A princess
A prince
An end or
A start with
A dragon
A wizard
A warlock
A witch
A curse or
A spell with
Some powder,
A pinch.


3/20/01
Exhausted

So tired
Iím wired
Canít sleep
So deep
Laughing and laughing
At nothing at nothing
Need to sleep
So deep
But I donít
And I wonít
So tired
Iím wired
Time for bed
Sleepy head
So tired
So tired


3/20/01
Spring Cleaning, The Concept Applied

Cleaning out the archives of my brain,
I noticed you no longer cause me pain.
Is this because I donít care?
Or because you arenít there?
Did you fall out of my head?
Are you simply dead?
Iím not quite sure, you know.

Cleaning out the archives of my mind,
I was quite surprised to find
that there is some doubt up there.
Is this because I might care?
Or because youíre so nutty?
Because I laugh when youíre funny?
Iím not quite sure, you know.


3/15/01
Ice Princess II

Thereís a princess in my room
Sheís made of ice.
She still turns the heat all the way up
But I think sheís starting to melt.
Itís still hotter than hell in my room
But the princess doesnít glare
When I open the window
Or even when I talk to her
She doesnít take it personally anymore
When I turn down the heat
Because I canít breathe
Thereís a princess in my room
Sheís made of ice
But she might have feelings
And I think the princess is starting to meltÖ


3/15/01
Running

Iíve been running for so long
And I canít do it anymore
Iíve been running to you
From you
And Iím tired
I canít keep running
Now Iíve got nowhere to run to
I used to run to you
Now I run from youÖ
No
Iím just running
And Iíve got nowhere to go
Or do I?
Is there someone?
Can I run to him?
Can I run anymore?
I donít think so.
I think he needs to stop running
To stop running to me
And I need to stop running
To stop running to you
From you.


3/12/01
Sounds Can Tell a Story

A whisper
A scream
A tinkle of bells
A gentle moonbeam
All is well
Everythingís right
And thatís Ďcuz I know
Youíll dream with me tonight.

A lullaby
A song
A twinkle of stars
I feel somethingís wrong
Not all is well
Nothing is right
Thatís Ďcause I donít know
Where you are tonight

A whisper
A scream
A tinkle of bells
A gentle moonbeam

A lullaby
A song
A twinkle of stars
A sadnessÖ
Youíre gone.


3/12/01
Interrogation

Where were you when I needed you?
I cried out and you werenít there.
Who do you think you are?
So high, way up there?
What did I do that was so wrong?
Why do you let me doubt?
I donít understand you
But you donít help me figure it out
Just when I think I know you
Just when I think you care,
Something makes me stop believing.
And I know that youíre not there.
But where were you when I needed you?
When I was hurting the most?
It seems whenever I need you
Youíre ephemeral as a ghost.
Why do I have to ask these questions?
Where did I go wrong?
Why do people hurt me?
Leave me crying all night long?
Are you really there for me?
Ready to answer my call?
Are you really there?
God? Are you there at all?


3/11/01
WhatÖ?!

When I met you, there was nothing.
Now that I know you, there is something.
I donít know what it is
I donít know if itís true
But Iím thinking it all comes down to you.

When youíre around I always have fun.
But I wonder if I havenít already met ďthe one.Ē
I donít know if it is
I donít know what to do
But I'm thinking that it all comes down to you.

You make me laugh
You make me smile
When it comes down to it,
Youíll go that extra mileÖ

Yeah youíve got a laugh,
Ready with a smile
And when it comes down to it,
Youíll go that extra mile.

When I met you, there was nothing.
Now that I know you, there is something.
I donít know what it is
I donít know if itís true
But Iím thinking it all comes down to you.


3/11/01
Friends

Yeah, I had ďfriendsĒ
Yeah, I went out on the town.
But where are they now?
Why arenít they around?
Oh waitÖ
I knowÖ
Itís because they werenít
Werenít my ďfriendsĒ
Werenít myÖ
Anything.
They were nothing to me
And I realize that
Now.
And now I do have friends
People who love me
People who care
People who will always be there
For me.
As I am for them.
Always.



2/24/01
Bob

What about Bob?
Heís here all by himself
What about Bob?
Forgotten on the shelf.
What about Bob?
Your favorite from the past
What about Bob?
You once took him to class.
What about Bob?
He looks so lonely and sad.
What about Bob?
If I were him, Iíd be mad.
What about Bob?
Sitting there all alone
What about Bob?
Propped up by the phone.
What about Bob?
You said youíd keep him til the end.
What about Bob?
I thought he was your friend.

2/24/01
What if I left?
Stopped hanging out with you.
Would you care?
Would you miss me at all?
Would it be losing a friend?
Would it leave a hole inside you?
If I left?

But if you left?
Stopped hanging out with me.
I would care
I would miss you a lot
I would be losing my best friend.
I would have a hole inside me
If you left.


2/24/01
Weather

The sun shines smilingly
Down on the warm wonderful world.
The rain pours ponderously
Down on the wet wonderful world.
The snow drifts dreamily
Down on the white wonderful world.
The breeze blows mightily
Down on the windy wonderful world.

Then

The moon stares silently
Down on the eerily evil earth.
The rain pours drowningly
Down on the eerily evil earth.
The snow drifts dangerously
Down on the eerily evil earth.
The breeze blows furiously
Down on the eerily evil earth.

Then

The sun shines smilinglyÖ


2/23/01
Parents

They try and they try
But they try too hard.
They punish for the wrong reasons
But not when they should.
They would give you whatever they can
But not when you really need it.
They save everything for you
But they donít share when the time comes.
Or do they save for you at all?
Or do they save you at all?
It doesnít seem like that.
Not at all.

2/23/01
There is no reason
No reason for the treason
No reason at all.
You told me you cared
But youíre no longer there
Not anymore
Where did you go?
Why donít you trust me anymore?
Why do I have to ask this?


2/23/01
I knew I would have to let you go
I knew I would have to let you fly
And I tried, tried to prepare myself for that day
And I thought, thought I could go it alone
So why am I dying inside?
So Iíll be waiting at the gates of heaven
Waiting for when Iíll see you again
Waiting to hear you sing to me again
Iíll be waiting for that someday
Waiting for someday

I did it, I let you go.
I did it, I let you fly.
And I did it, I prepared myself for yesterday
And I knew, knew I could go it alone.
So why am I dying inside?
But Iíll be waiting at the gates to heaven
Knowing that Iíll see you again
Knowing Iíll hear you sing to me again
Iíll be waiting for that someday.
Waiting for someday

But how long will I have to wait?


2/22/01
Donít

Wasting time worryiní Ďbout things
Just wasting time
Wasting precious time
Time to have fun
Time to play
Instead youíre sittiní here
Worrying and fearing
Crying and fearing
Sittiní here
Just wasting tears
Wasting precious tears
Tears over me
Tears overó
Me.
DonítÖ
Not for me
Not for her
Not for him
Not for them.
Theyíre wasted
And thatís a waste.


2/22/01
Thoughts on God

God
An all-powerful deity
A being who ďcaresĒ
Someone who can free me.
Who can free me from sin
Save me from destruction from within.

God
A merciful deity
A being who ďlovesĒ
Someone who can free me
Who can free me from all
Save me from ďevilís callĒ.

but where was ďgodĒ
when I needed
when I wanted
when I prayed
where was God?
I searched
I needed I wanted I prayed
And I found nothing.
Nothing. Nothing but what I had to begin with
Nothing.

god
is anyone there?
someone who loves?
someone who cares?
someone who can listen?
someone who can save me from destruction from within?
I havenít found anyone yet.


2/22/01
Beauty

Who is this?
A blonde with a megawatt smile
Who is this?
A redhead with a killer body.
Who is this?
A bald guy with a beer belly.
Who is this?
An old lady with blue hair.
Who are they?
They are all beautiful in someoneís eyes.
Maybe yours
Maybe mine
Maybe hers
Maybe his
Maybe not
Who am I?
A person with the beauty inside
Who are you?
You tell me.
I already think youíre beautiful.
Even with my eyes closed.


2/20/01
Days

Monday you told me you loved me
By Friday night you were gone
What happened to the days in between
What happened to me?
To you?
To us?

Monday we were the best of friends
By Friday night we were not
What happened to the days in between?
What happened to me?
To you?
To us?

We started so well
But it ended so bad
And now that youíre gone
Iím feeling so sad
So sad
So down
So aloneÖ

Monday you came crawling back here
Monday night you were goneÖ

What happened to me?
What happened to you?
What happened to us?
Where did the time go?


2/20/01
Everything

You dream of a better way
But youíre here with me today
And Iíll never go away
Never leave you this way.

You wish for someone to hold
Someone to keep you from the cold
Just remember what youíve been told
Told about being bold

About chasing the dream
About trying to fly
About living your life

I want you to dream
I want you to fly
I want you to grow
I want you to try
I want you to be everything you were meant to be

You felt so alone
Like everyone had gone
There wasnít anybody home
You thought you were alone.

You dream of a better way
But youíre here with me today
And Iíll never go away
Never leave you this way.


2/15/01
Untitled
by: Kristin

What if?
The sky fell
down, the
moon stopped
shining, the
sun grew
dim, day became
night, the
oceans dried
up, the world
ended!
What if?
I had never
seen your
smile, never
heard your
laugh, never
felt your
arms around me,
never knew
the touch
of your lips,
the world
would end!


2/15/01
Ode to World Religions
by: Kristin

Mondays and Thursdays my life is complete
I sit in a class and I think and I think
I phase in and out paying no attention at all
Cuz I suffer through talks about god and all
Day after day minute by minute
I can't concentrate when the man with the beard
talks and talks and talks... forever
Shave your beard and cut your hair
Wash your clothes and change your course
Don't go round and round in thought
Answer the question and don't give thought
Please just END.


2/14/01
The Fourteenth

Who is this idiot anyway?
Patron ďSaintĒ of love?
Got his own goddamn day.
So? February 14th?
It's painful in so many ways.
I donít care if you got chocolate
Or even a card from Aunt May
I really really really really HATE
That ďlovey doveyĒ Valentineís Day.


2/14/01
Abandoned

I know that youíre hurt
I know that you tried
I know that thereís a little part of you
That withered inside.

You know that sheís gone
You know sheís still there
You know she took something away with her
That used to be there.

She knows she used you
She knows it was fun
She knows there wouldnít be anything more
So now itís all done

If you need someone
If you want someone
If you want someone to cry on, laugh at
You know where I am.


2/14/01
Tomorrow

Tomorrow
The sun will shine.
Unless it rains.
But eventually the sun will shine again.

Tomorrow
Will be better.
Unless Iím hurt
But eventually the sun will shine again.

Tomorrow
You will smile
Unless you frown
But eventually the sun will shine again.

Tomorrow
The sun will shine
Eventually the sun will shine again.


2/11/01
Music

A lilting tune
An upbeat rhyme
Clapping my hands
Tapping in time
But somethingís gone
Not quite right
That somethingís you
Not here tínight
The soaring voice
The thumping bass
I hear the song
But I see your face
Smiling before me
Where itís always been
Smiling forever
Again and again
Cold winter days
Warm summer nights
Without you here
The music ainít right
The music of my heart
The tune of my song
Is all about you
Has been all along.


2/11/01
Sleeping
Dreaming
Wishing
On a star
Oh so far
away.
Waiting
Hoping
Watching
A shooting star
So very far
away.


2/9/01 (Ok, some of this I ripped from MB20, but not really)
She closes her eyes
And she fights back the tears
And sheíll be silent.
No one beside her.
But she thinks Ďbout the ďwhysĒ
And those long lonely years
Without a pilot
No one to guide her.

She opens her heart
And she starts learning to smile.
And sheís beautiful now
Strength for the world.
Itís a wonderful start,
And itíll take a while,
But sheís not quite sure how.
Last beautiful girl.

The world is at an end
She donít know what to do
So sheíll be silent
No one beside her
And no one is her friend
Sheís been liviní without you
Without her pilot
No one to guide her
Last beautiful girl
At the edge of the world.


2/8/01
Mirrors

ďWhen you look in the Mirror,
Wish you were somebody else.
But itís still your reflection,
You and no one elseÖĒ

But still you look in that Mirror.
Still you see what you are.
But you wish the Mirror would show
Just who you really are.
So many reflections,
So much introspection
Of what you are about.

Life has so many Mirrors
So much to reflect, to show.
But still somethingís gone
But whatís what you donít know
So many reflections,
So few recollections,
Of what life is about.

Donít know who you are
Donít know who youíve been
So you look in the Mirror,
But what will you do then?


2/8/01
Money

ďFi-dollarsĒ
ďFiddy centĒ
What is the point?
Whatís truly meant?
When someone wonít share
When someone who cares
Canít give it away.
Itís hard to be rich,
Harder to be poor.
But I know that sheís neither,
But sheís not sharing, either.
At least not with me.
Iím not asking for much,
Iím just asking for help.
But I shouldnít have to be
And neither should he
Be struggling.
So heís got a little more
OK, thatís fine.
But heís spread real thin
And youíre just out to win
But itís me that loses.
But itís me that loses.


2/8/01
She carries a notebook
To write about her thoughts
About her day
About her adventures
About her dreams.

She writes in a notebook
To express all her thoughts
All her joy
All her pain
All her dreams

She reads from a notebook
To rethink her thoughts
To remember her day
To relish her adventures
To relive her joy
To repress her pain
To realize her dreams.

2/7/01
The Wonderful World of WIJ

ďScienceĒ mind numbing
worthless
repetitive
boring
same olí shit

ďMathĒ limited
easy
repetitive
boring
same olí shit

ďLiteratureĒ not up to standard
easy
repetitive
boring
same olí shit

ďHistoryĒ lukewarm
fifty- fifty
repetitive
boring
same olí shit

And they call this ďeducationĒ
They can kiss my unlearned ass.


2/5/01
Fallen

As I drift off to sleep,
I just wish you could hear
All the thoughts I hold dear
Floating in my mind

Do you dream of me now?
About how these things were?
Still youíre dreaming of her
And sheís goneÖ

You are grasping at straws
Youíre way too far gone
Much too far from
Where you ought to be

But I can plainly see,
Though youíve tried and youíve tried
To keep her deep inside
Sheís still there, haunting you

Youíve fallen down, way down
And Iíll help you with thisÖ

If only youíd let me


2/2/01
Spark

the spark
is there
can you feel it?
the sound
in the air
can you hear it?
i know weíve
talked this through
you thought about it?
but i canít help
but wonder
but do i doubt it?
i donít doubt the spark
you do doubt it all
so i donít know
where to go from here


2/2/01
Burger King

The Burger King
He wears his crown
He holds his drink
Quite upside down
Although itís frosty and wet.



1/31/01
Moving On

You canít dwell on the past
The past is long gone.
The present is for living,
So youíve got to move on.
Move beyond all the laughs,
Move beyond all the tears
Move beyond all the fun,
Move beyond all the fears.

There is no time for this
No time anymore
I canít do this anymore.
You are gone from my life,
But not from my heart.
Oh no, never out of my heart

But I canít dwell on the past,
The past is long gone.
The present is for living,
So youíve got to move on.
Move beyond all the hurt
Move beyond all the pain
Move beyond all the heartache
Move beyond all the same.

I know that I have to be strong
That I have to move on
That I have to move on
But itís so hard, with you still there
With you still here with me
Standing by me, alwaysÖ

But I canít cry anymore
Not for what Iíve lost
Not for what so many have lost.
I have to keep going on
You make me laugh
You always make me laugh so hard

And though I wonít dwell on the past
The past is long gone
The present is for living,
So Iím gonna move on
But Iíll hang onto the laughs
Iíll hang onto the fun
Iíll hang onto the good times
ĎCause I know they arenít done.


1/29/01 (This one's for you Casey)
You know that youíve loved him,
You know you do still,
But if you donít get out now,
Then you never will.
He treats you so precious,
Then heíll treat you like dirt,
And when you get off the phone,
Itís your heart that does hurt.
You know itís for the better
But you canít stand to see him cry.
You know that you need this,
But itís never easy saying goodbye.
Itís not over forever,
Just for this time now,
And heís still there for you,
But you wonder how.
How you could have missed
That life was passing you by.
When you slept in his arms,
When he made you cry.
He says he wonít hurt you,
He doesnít hit you, true.
But the doubts you have inside
Are whatís hurting you.
Go with what you think best,
Though there has to be some price.
Keep your chin way up high,
And remember that lightning could strike twice.


1/29/01
Thereís a princess in my room.
Sheís made of ice.
She turns the heat all the way up
But she still doesnít melt!
Itís hotter than hell in my room
And the princess just glares
When I open the window
Because I canít breathe.
She takes it personally when I turn down the heat
But I donít care.
Thereís a princess in my room.
Sheís made of ice.
But she canít hurt me.
Sheís made of ice.
She has no feelings.
Sheís made of ice.


1/23/01
Because
I need to know, you
Tell me the truth,
Even if it hurts
Me. Or perhaps
Everyone but meÖ


1/23/01
White water rushes
Through narrow winding canyons
Flowing to the sea


1/23/01
Sick Cycle

Jane loves Jim with all her heart, body and soul.
He loves her not.
She lays the world and everything in it at his feet.
He steps on it.
She treats him like the god he is in her eyes.
He punishes her.
She finally realizes that she can do better.
He screams at her.
She runs away and stays with friends for a while.
He hunts her down.
She begs him to forgive her and wonders how she could have been so naughty?
He beats her.
She crawls into the ER with a broken nose, cracked ribs and the memoriesÖ
He goes to a barÖ

Jen loves Jim with all her heart body and soul.
He loves her notÖ

Jane loves John with all her heart body and soul.
He loves her notÖ


1/23/01
up
down
all over town
you sure give me the runaround
i wish i knew where we are goin!


1/22/01
Real Abuse

I was doin all of mí homework one day
Just like a ďgood girl,Ē or so they would say.
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a geek!
What the---?
So I stopped doin homework, flunked outta school.
All my friends and family: they called me a fool!
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a dropout!
What the---?
So I found a sh*ty ass job to earn me some cash.
When workin at Shawís, time donít pass so fast.
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a checkout girl!
What the---?
So I quit that dumb job and found me some men,
They all really were pricks, but they were fun
then.
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That I am a player!
What the---?
So here I sit at age eighty five
With blue hair like a beehive
When all of a sudden, out of the blue,
It HIT me
That gettin hit with reality hurts!


1/9/01
Who am I?

Approachable
Bubbly
Creative
Devious
Energetic
Flirty
Garrulous
Hurting
Ignorant
Judgmental
Karyn
Lazy
Maternal
Nocturnal
Oblivious
Predictable
Quiet
Right
Seductive
Tired
Unloved
Violent
Wistful
Xenophobic
Youthful
Zealous


1/9/01
There once was a girl from Rhode Island.
Who fell for a boy with a dialect
But did he feel the same?
Not knowing drove her insane
Til this innocent girl became violent.


1/8/01
Beyond

Just when I thought it was so safe
You proved me wrong.
Just when I thought it was okay
You proved me wrong.

I am near lost
Beyond all hope
I am floating
Beyond the sky
I want you, love
Beyond all else
I want your love
Beyond what Iíve got

I thought we were not much closerthanthis
You proved me wrong.
I thought we were just the best of friends
You proved me wrong.

I am near lost
Beyond all hope.
I am floating
Beyond the sky.
I want you, love,
Beyond all else.
I want your love,
Beyond what Iíve got.

You thought no one could love you
I proved you wrong.
You thought were all alone
I proved you wrong.

We are both lost
Beyond all hope
We are floating
Beyond the sky
I want you, love
Beyond all else
You just want love
But thatís what youíve got.

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