thoughts of a dreamer
a journal of mindless matters


~*~ Saturday, 3 March, 2001

Today I decided to create an online journal. I figured most of you who will read this don't know me, so I'll probably end up speaking freely about everything. I have the worst headache…it's probably from being at the computer for 5 hours trying to get the mouse on this page to work and other things I was tweaking. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I won't be going to prom the rest of my high school years. I know I'm only a sophomore, but the collection of potential dates is very small. Either that, or I'm just too picky. I also have come to the conclusion that guys at my school are either too stuck-up for my taste or aren't mature enough to bother w/intelligent conversation. The last few dates I've been on were a bit sad…because they all ended up annoying me…even if I had started out liking them a lot. ~ugh~ I guess I'll just have to keep my eyes open for the good ones.


~*~ Sunday, 4 March 2001

I just bought the old Garbage CD. That's what I'm jammin to now...I suppose that angery chick music does have a good kick to it. Fiona Apple and Alana Davis join in the collection. Spring Break started Friday...I'm kinda stuck at home this year. Concidering I don't have a car (or my license) I guess this is my only option. Everyone is out of town...most of them went skiing. I would have attempted snowboarding, and then I would live up to my nickname:Crash. Oh well. We all crash and burn sometimes. I should probably work on my tan...the one which I haven't started yet. I'm only happy when it rains." ~Garbage.


~*~ Monday, 5 March 2001

It's still kinda early to be writing because the day is only half over...(3:00pm) Anyway, I should go work on my portfolio project...but I'm glued to the seat of my office chair in front of the computer. I was watching MTV's VJ for a Day...that would be so awesome to have Carson's job...to live in NYC and be around all those celebrities and be one myself. I suppose being famous would have to be icing on the cake after all the success I plan to have in my life. On another note...I get to be a bride's maid in my cousin's wedding...I can't wait, it'll be so awesome to finally be part of the wedding party. I have a HUGE family...my mom has like 30 cousins, just to give an idea. I've always just been another person on the invitation list, but I finally get to be part of one!! I was a flower girl when I was lil, but at that time it was just a pretty dress I got to wear and pictures to pose for. Let's just say I'm SO excited to be part of it. "I'm a Shadowboxer Baby." ~Fiona Apple.


~*~ Wednesday, 6 March 2001

I went shopping today...i only bought one thing...i can't believe it. Normally I'd spend every last penny...but today nothing jumpped out at me. (for those wondering what i did buy- it was shower gel from Bath and Body Works) Tomorrow I'll be working on getting my permit...I don't know if i'll ever get through this. Next year I'm going to take my foreign language...I want to take French but both of my parents are insisting on Spanish...I have nothing against Spanish, and I do plan on learning it too...but I want to take French first...*sigh* whatever...It's only 9:00pm and I'm so tired...I think I'm gonna workout tomorrow, it's supposed to rain...i love rain...i used to be afraid of thunderstorms...but now I love em. I sleep the best when it's pouring down. When it rains in the summertime i love to just sit in it and watch the drops on the concrete...*sigh* i guess i'm just rambling on and on because i have nothing interesting to say...i should start writing again...poems....*sigh* "My tea's gone cold i'm wondering why i got outta bed at all...the morning rain clouds up my window...~Dido


~*~ Friday, 9 March 2001

I have a spliting headache...I'm surprised I'm still on the computer. I was thinking about how I want to live in NYC...and I realized that when I visited it back in Nov. that walking down the streets made me so comfortable, so at ease...and I knew that I would one day live there. I was also just thinking about how no matter how much you chase a person, they will always run away, and once you stop chasing they will come to you...normally at the exact moment you lose interest. How strange the human mind is. It's one big head trick. *pardon the pun* How many times must one trip and fall before they get the hint that there is always another route to take without tumbling to far down? Or is it just really late and I don't know what sense I think I make? I think today my favorite color is bright red. The kind of red that makes one's eyes widen. Contradictions are the trend these days...so why do i still feel so old fashioned? "What is real...just a dream...somewhere in between ~Lifehouse


~*~ Sunday,11 March 2001

I signed someone's gbook today, and one of the questions was to write a short story...this is what i said:the rain blew out the last candle, and all was dark in her world. nothing she could do would dry the wick to be re-lit. the drops pounded down harder until she realized it was the sound of her own heart beating that made her ears deaf. the eyes came from the dark, glistening in the rain. who was he? why was he here for her? there was no hope or safety in those eyes, but as he held out his hand to her, so knew this was the only safeness. as she stood up, she let the soaked candle drop to the ground. she longed to be held close, but fear and natural instinct told her to wait. this wasn't the place...not here not now...she wasn't safe yet. i was thinking of the movie 'Pitch Black' when i wrote that...i saw it this morning...i so wanted the chick to get w/the guy...but no the big bad scary animal thing had to fly away w/her. damn it. i hate it when movies don't turn out how i want them to. "I shouldn't be here...Would you forgive me love if I stayed all afternoon?." ~Alanis Morissette.


~*~ Monday,12 March 2001

I'm sitting in class with nothing to do...blah. "there's no love no money no thrill anymore~Alanis Morissette.


~*~ Wednesday,14 March 2001

I should be writing my story for newspaper, but I'm writing in here instead. Just between you and me...now don't tell...here goes: i began writing my 2nd novel. keep in mind i didn't finish my 1st, but it will continue to be a work in progress. the new one is sorta like a biography through a different girl's eyes. in other words...i changed the name to protect the innocent...well me. more later"there's nothin else for me to do but dance...got canned heat in my heals to night baby!"~from centerstage soundtrack


~*~ Saturday,17 March 2001

Last night I went to Becky's lil party...it was more like a group of her closest friends in the same room at the same time. We just kinda a remembrance of what it was like before she moved. It's so sad when your closest friends move, but that's how it's got to be. People move on with their lives...their the lucky ones, they get to get outta this town...(there's nothin wrong with where i live, it's just that this is the only place I remember living, and i wanna know what else it out there.) anyway...just a lil advice, don't eat a ton of chocolate and cheese dip in the same sitting....(ugh) "that's how it's got to be, i pick up too, when the feeling moves me"~from Any place i hang my hat is home (lots of people have sung it) Oh! and happy St. Patty's Day!!


~*~ Saturday, 24 March 2001

i'll be 16 tomorrow...i'm so tired...i hate to complain, but i'm goin to sleep...goodnight world"i'm a big big girl in a big big world it's not a big big thing if you leave me"


~*~ Thursday, 29 March 2001

Blah...i've been so incredibly busy lately and i haven't even checked my email in a week. well that's partly because my school decided to block EVERY email account of the student body...but they can't keep m from updating my page during class...well unless they decide to block this site too...but that would be a bad idea beause they would be blocking their own sites too...long story...had to do with servers...how convenient. Obviously i'm in class right now...we went to press this morning and we're goin to pass out the papers after school...long day for me. when i get home i have to do a HUGE history project to finish and at 7pm i get to go to dance...when i get home i get to do another few hours of homework and drag myself into the shower to get ready for school because by the time i do all that i'll be in my 7:45am class. *sigh* that's why we sleep in school...cuz every other second is spent on projects and papers."Well I'm spent." ~Austin Powers


~*~ Sunday, 13 May 2001

i know i haven't written in over a month, please don't condem me. so much has happened. My grandmother was diagnosed with a weak heart, and my family has been dealing with that. I say so much has happened, but more school work than anything. I have a love problem. I seriously adore a guy living 6 or something hours away, and his cousin and i were the best of friends. We had a fight, and that kinda tore him and i apart. We have since made up, but things are not like they were. Her cousin came into town, but i didn't get to see him. I was outta town. *tear* i haven't dated anyone since that last day i saw him in december. *tear* i hope we can work things out."Angel eyes, with your angel eyes, i am satisfied..." ~Ace of Base (yeah i know...that's an old one)


~*~ Monday, 21 May 2001

i'm so ready for school to be out...4 more days!! 3 of which are finals. today was the seniors' last day...well the ones who are exempt from finals. we kicked booty at competition this weekend. we got 1st place in everything. and also placed in the top 10 for duet/trio, small group and large group...this is a dance competition by the way...showbiz. anyway, well br going to nationals in june...anyway...i'm just hangin in til friday...the last day of school. i got my driving permit on friday. i should get my license soon i hope. maybe june. i have a few more poems to put on the page. this senior who is so very cute is going to the college where i plan to go...i'm so excited!!! anyhoo...i'm in BCIS (business computer and information systems) so i better pay attention to the powerpoint presentations."was i outta my head was i outta my mind, how could i have ever been so blind... ~Fastball



DREAMS