All aboard, because we’re going out
the rails with The Osbournes. Ozzy
Osbourne and the rest of his family have a new television show depicting the reality inside the home of being a Rock ‘n’ Roll family. The stars on this new MTV series are Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne as the parents and Kelly and Jack as their daughter and son. Of course who could forget Melinda, the nanny, helping out with things around the house. The series premiere aired on March 5th and it had countless numbers of viewers awaiting the next dosage of the crude family.
The show is all about the day-in day-out life of a very famous rock star and his family. Filmed mostly at the Osbournes’ house, this show captures the life inside the home. It is not scripted and every foul mouth thing that the Osbournes say is real. The show captures the most personal agendas of the Osbournes, the trivial tasks of everyday life and many everyday things; like putting up with raising their teenagers. It also catches Ozzy as he tours and rides his own little crazy train or bus to certain cities to grace fans by his godlike metal stature.
The godfather of metal seems to be getting a little too old and his mental state is starting to fade, but he manages and is able to rock and handle two teenagers that can be quite a task. Bickering, arguments and the usual teenage fiasco’s are just a small portion of what this show has to offer. You can’t forget his wonderful and vulgar wife Sharon. Most of the talking is beeped out when she’s on camera. Yet even their children curse up a storm. That’s just the way things go on at the Osbourne home.
Another thing on the show is the many animals that the family has. They have numerous dogs and cats, which are troublesome. Mix all that in with a nanny around to help with cooking and cleaning and you have yourself one hectic and hilarious show.
From going out, spending time with the family, birthdays, interviews, and bickering with neighbors, you will find The Osbournes on Tuesday nights at 9:30pm on MTV. A hilarious and rather disturbing look into the lives of a Rock ‘n’ Roll family. You get a better look at the life of a famous rock star and his family than you ever would. If you like Rock and you love a funny, yet fairly sick family then you might not want to miss this show. But if you like the Brady Bunch, and love a down-to-earth family, then this show probably isn’t for you.
Fabricated Americans
Phil Kolas
Most people know Fox is the greatest
station around by appealing to the
low and middle class people who aren’t ashamed of the fact that they’re the low and middle class. Greg the Bunny is another example of Fox taking something good, pure, and wholesomely American (in this case, children’s television puppets) and perverting it. With everything from a prima-donna monkey “professional actor” puppet with a drug addiction, to a stuffed marionette named “Tardy” who gets turned on by eating green paintballs and has more than a coincidental resemblance to Kermit the Frog, Greg the Bunny probably has Jim Henson rolling around in his grave somewhere.
The two main characters are Greg the Bunny, a puppet, and Jimmy Bender, a human, played by Seth Green. The two are best friends rooming together. The opening episode’s premise is that Greg can’t find a job, and Jimmy is unsatisfied with his job as pool-cleaning boy because, as Jimmy says, “It’s nothing like the movies. There are no lonely housewives who want to have sex. They just want me to clean their pools.” They both decide to apply for a job at the children’s TV show, “Sweetknuckle Junction,” which Jimmy’s father, Gil Bender, is the producer. Gil is played by Eugene Levy, best known for his work as the dad in the American Pie movies.
The rest of the episodes present the normal lowbrow humor so common on Fox, which is exactly what makes so many shows like Greg the Bunny great. Fox knows that sophisticated humor isn’t funny in the first place, so there’s no point in putting it in a show. Greg the Bunny has drug abuse, fart gags, and toilet jokes, but the best part about it is how well the humans and puppets on the show make working together believable. They argue over who gets top publicity over the other, they tell each other to lose weight, they fight, they insult each other, and they all complain to each other about how much they hate the job they’re all stuck in. It makes you wonder if all the actors and puppets on Sesame Street and Barney fought like this when the cameras were off. Probably.
What makes Greg the Bunny so good is the only time everyone’s “happy” is when the cameras are rolling for the show. Everything else resembles real life. My only fear for the show is that it will be too good, like “The Tick” was, and be traded in for some other family-friendly TV show that isn’t funny at all. I hope not.
Stay Tooned
Jenna Lindeman
The Lion King
A young lion prince named Simba is born in Africa, son to King Mufasa and heir to the throne. His uncle Scar is upset because he is now second in line. Scar plots with the hyenas to kill King Mufasa and Prince Simba, to make himself King. After Mufasa is killed in a stampede, Simba blames himself. After years of exile, he is persuaded to return home to overthrow Scar and claim his kingdom.
The Lion King is a great story about friendship, family, and leadership.
The Litte Mermaid
Loosely based on the story by Hans Christian Anderson, Ariel is a mermaid and the youngest daughter of King Triton. She is dissatisfied with life in the sea, and longs to be with the above the surface. Ariel is often caught in arguments with her father over those “barbaric fish-eaters,” and she finally driven to the point to meet Ursula, the Sea Witch, to strike a deal. But Ursula has bigger plans for this mermaid and her father.
This is my favorite animated movie of all. I have probably seen it 500 times in the past decade. A simple story, but it somehow manages to catch my attention and keep me absorbed every time.
Mulan
Mulan is the only child of her family. When the Huns invade China, one man from every family is called to arms. Mulan’s father decides to fight. Mulan knows he is too old and will die if he goes to war. So she disguises herself as a man and runs away to take her father’s place in the Chinese army. Fearful that Mulan may disgrace the family, dead ancestors awake and send Mushu, a dragon, to aid her. Later, Mulan’s disguise is revealed and she must risk everything to save China.
Mulan truly proves that one person can make the difference between victory and defeat. I admire Mulan’s strength to find her true reflection.
Aladdin
Aladdin is a street-urchin who lives in the city of Agrabah, with his faithful monkey friend Abu. One night while in the marketplace, Aladdin meets this young princess Jasmine. It’s love at first sight. However, Jasmine’s evil grandvisior Jafar orders Aladdin thrown in jail for “kidnapping the princess.” In disguise, Jafar comes to the prision to tempt Aladdin with a quest--to find a magical lamp. Aladdin agrees.
I can recall buying everything I could from this movie, especially the Barbie dolls of Jasmine and Aladdin with the magic carpet that played “A Whole New World.” What a great movie!
It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a UFO
Karma Courtney
It is pitch dark outside and all that is
heard are the crickets. Wait! What is that loud, high pitched buzzing noise? Suddenly there’s a bright light! Then a little, green, bug-eyed alien jumps out of nowhere. “It’s a UFO…An alien…HELP!”
Upon further examination the buzzing was only an alarm clock, the bright light was simply the noisy neighbor shining his flashlight around the neighborhood, and the alien was nothing but an amazingly real X-Files action figure.
Misunderstandings such as this one are common. When someone really believes that they saw a UFO that skepticism occurs. Even so, there are talk shows, newspapers and magazines that are dedicated entirely to UFO sightings.
Dec. 14, 2001-
In Manzanillo, Cuba a Canadian charter Airbus 320, while on nighttime approach to Cayo Coco, Cuba, took evasive maneuvers to avoid a collision with a high-speed, red-lit UFO, which the airline captain later announces to his passengers. The airliner later makes a safe landing. No reports of the incident are filed with authorities.
My Interpretation-
Do planes have tail lights? I bet they do and that red UFO was only the tail lights of another plane.
Dec. 6, 2001-
In La Florida, Chile A “gigantic, flaring light” lands, terrifying local residents. The tourist area, known as Los Rulos, has been the site of numerous sightings of unidentified objects, with “large lights that descend to earth and remain suspended a short distance from the surface, for hours at a time.” The latest object is reported to be “as large as a stadium.”
My Interpretation-
Yeah, I hear they have huge fireflies there, but UFOs? I think not!
Dec. 1, 2001-
In Tucumcari, Texas a high-speed, brightly-lit object moved southeast across the night sky and was chased by F-16 fighters. The UFO changed direction and speed several times, and the fighter jets fired off air-to-air missiles, causing an airborne explosion and reported crash of the object. NORAD later announces the reentry of a Russian Proton rocket in the same time frame as the UFO sighting.
My Interpretations-
Russian Proton rocket my rear end! Yet another government cover up for the chemical planes they are sending around to poison our minds so we are under govt. control!
Dec. 12, 2001-
In Carlisle, England a former military pilot observed a large, bright object in the clear western sky, brighter than Jupiter or Mars, moving east at a high rate of speed. The light resolved into a bright disk, with a large “teardrop-shaped aura” around it. Altitude was estimated at 20,000 feet. It abruptly disappeard, “for no apparent reason.”
My Interpretation-
Key word- FORMER military pilot. He probably was hit in the head with something which would explain why he is seeing things.
Dec. 15, 2002-
In Greensboro, North Carolina while waiting in line outside a local restaurant, witnesses observed a low-flying, amber-colored, triangular-shaped object moving to the southeast. Within its triangular structure it appeared to have many “translucent spheres or orbs interchanging within it.” The object “flew” off toward a nearby town called Fayetteville at low altitude.
My Interpretation-
It was probably just a broken kite with lights. I mean, half of a diamond is a triangle.
Dec. 17, 2001-
In Brevard, Florida a low-flying, slow-moving UFO was observed moving south above St. John’s River. The object was bright and round, with rings encircling it, “looking like Saturn.” The object within the rings was silver-gray in color, and projected its light upon the river’s surface. It drifted behind cloud cover and was lost from sight.
My Interpretation-
Yeah, I hear there are light up frisbees that can fly pretty good. Up to clouds, I don’t know, but add some crazy person who sees it as a UFO and drifting into the clouds seems like a convenient cover up.
The Blue Beast
Stephanie Hovland
Some call it “the beast” and others call it a piece of junk.
No matter what anyone calls it, junior Jeff Cincoski loves
his truck.
“My truck rocks, even though I get annoyed sometimes due to some of its problems,” Cincoski said. “I’m really used to the Bronco and I like the fact that it can not be destroyed.”
On some winter days, the battery dies unless it is plugged in. The power cuts on the engine. And driving over the speed of 30 mph causes the truck to start to die down. So he has to restart the truck while in neutral and while driving.
“You just get used to it after a while,” Cincoski said.
Cincoski received this truck as a hand-me-down from his older brother two years ago. There has been no damage done to it since Cincoski received it. He will be lucky if he can get $200 for it.
“I have not done any damage to the truck,” Cincoski said. “If any damage has been done it was from my older brother.”
Family members, other than his older brother, have also done their share of the damage.
“My step-dad locked his keys in the truck and punched the window to get them out,” Cincoski said.
Every car has a story. Some may have been in a hundred accidents and others may have some missing parts.
“My brother’s girlfriend got T-boned in it and the car that hit her was totaled. The Bronco was not even dented,” Cincoski said.
For Cincoski there are many memories of the truck’s durability, and how it has lived up to its name: the beast.
Riddlin’ Kids
Patrick Moore
Riddlin’ Kids debut album, Hurry Up
and Wait, delivers exactly what
would be expected from a pop-punk group on a big label like Columbia Records. The lyrics are painfully repetitive and unoriginal, the guitar consists of usually no more than three chords per song, and the drumming is as rhythmic as the snoring of a rhinoceros. The Riddlin’ Kids are an exact clone, musically and visually, of Blink 182, and their talent, if possible, is at an even lower level. By using the term punk, Riddlin’ Kids are disgracing good bands of the same genre, such as Anti-Flag and AFI.
Guitarist and back-up vocalist, Dustin Stroud, seems to think pretty highly of his band, “We are not a shtick band. We are all about songs, and when it comes to live performances, we play like it’s the last show we’ll ever do. We win people over because our music comes across as real.” Yes, quite real with corny, elementary student level lyrics such as: “Right now I really don’t care if I’m alone or if I got you sittin’ here/Oh, no look I’ve done it again./Man I shouldthink about it before I say anything./1, 2, 3, 4, Looks like I’m alone again and I feel fine.
These lyrics are about as real as the Loch Ness monster. If there is any hope in the musical taste of our teenage society, Riddlin’ Kids will quickly go the way of the buffalo.
