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Q.What is a Stoner's Favorite kinda Car?

A Blazer

Q.What Disease Does a Stoner Have when they have short-term memory loss?


Q. What did the stoner's wife say to him before he left for Vietnam?

A. Doobie careful.

Q. What do you call a big hole in the road that smokes pot?

A. A pot hole.

Q. What did the paper say to the weed right before they left?

A. Let's roll!

Q. What do you call a stoned epileptic?

A. Shake and bake.

Q. Why did the hippie cut his lawn?

A. To get some grass.

Q. What do you call money that grows on trees?

A. Weed!

Q. How do you stop an army of stoners on horseback?

A. Turn off the carousel.

Q. What is the difference between a politician and a stoner?

A. A politician doesn't inhale....they just suck.

Q. What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?

A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside

Q. How do you get a one-armed hippie out of a tree?

A. Pass him a Joint

Q. What do you call tokin' a doobie with your friends?

A. A joint effort.


The Police: "You have the right to remain silent. Of course, should you choose to exercise this right, we will know that you are guilty and try to beat a confession out of you.

You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, you're screwed and will be appointed a worthless lawyer who can't even hack Jacobie & Meyers.

Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"

There's a horny hippie on a bus which only has one other passenger on it, an elderly nun from a local parish.

The hippie is so in need of some free love that he approaches the nun and propositions her. Shocked that he would even think to ask her such a question, the nun pulls the line above her head and gets off the bus. Once she is gone, the bus driver calls the hippie over to him."Hey buddy, I know how you can get the nun to have sex with you."The hippie, excited by this asks how.

"Every night at midnight that same sister goes to the cemetery and prays by the statue of Saint Peter. If you dress up as Jesus and appear to her there she'll do anything you want!"

So the hippie gets a nifty Jesus costume together and goes to the cemetery at midnight.

Sure enough the sister is there, praying. He hides behind the statue and jumps out, saying "Sister, I am your God and I choose you to have sex with me."

The nun agrees, but asks if they can have anal sex so she can retain her virginity. The hippie, who is of the mindset that sex is sex, quickly agrees and does the deed.

When he's finished he's so proud of himself that he stands up, rips off his costume and screams "HAHA! I'm the hippie from the bus!!!!"

The nun stands, rips her habit from her head and screams "HAHA!!! I'm the bus driver!!!!"

"If someone with multiple personalities tries to commit suicide, do the police consider it a hostage situation?"

There once was a stoner from Leeds,

Who swallowed a handful of seeds,

Some beautiful grass,

Grew out if his ass,

But his balls were all covered in weeds!

There once was a bud named B.C.

He grew on a 7 foot tree

Till one day I plucked him

Rolled him&smoked him

And now I can barely see.

There once was a lady named Mash,

Who lived on pot and hash,

When she couldn't get these,

She'd scrape her vials with ease,

Rather than run and get her stash