It’s been three days since that “Bathroom Confusion” incident, where certain individual(s) took part in certain bodily function(s) in certain “inappropriate” areas.
The damages have by now been assessed. One pillow, belonging to the resident Quimby, was soiled beyond any use or recognition and had to be disposed of. The mattress, in which these disgusting acts of drunkenness took place, was left with a very embarrassing “Piss Stain” that will serve forever as a painful reminder, that a mattress is indeed something you should not piss on. Linins as well as blankets needed a good washing. But one of the biggest losses would be the residing quimby’s cellular phone.
“Now that the phone doesn’t work, ya know, cuz’ he peed on it, he spends a shit-ass-ton of time on facebook” declared a roommate “its kinda gay”
But the newest issue with this particular Quimby is that he lost his wallet. The wallet was thought to be lost when Quimby, despite his lack of coordination and balance, attempted to ride a long board, and fell. The wallet contained an out-dated ID, an ATM card that can be replaced, and forty dollars cash. All parties agree that this is not that big a deal, but added that it is “Classic Quimby” and therefore is funny.
“The Sheer volume of misfortune acquired by just a single quimby is absolutely astounding” reports one expert “and that makes it f*cking hilarious” “This amount of tragedy calls for only one appropriate response, and that is to make fun of him” says a bystander
In other news, Quimby attempted to steal a cell phone in order to replace that one he ruined by defecating on it. But the phone was already broken upon further inspection.