Whats going on Samara?
Mood:  quizzical
Sooooooo................Havent heard from Samara in a long while. Why not? Is she mad at me? Or just soo busy? I have to read her blogs to see whats going on. That makes me sad. She can't take a couple seconds out of her time to tell me Hey?! Samara where are you.......Is anybody out there???????????????????? Where o where can she be....................

Fouth of July
Mood:  cool
Well its the big day and gavin is excited. We watched fireworks all night until he got tired. He had so much fun. Just sat there watching it all. And he got up and just watched them and pointed it all out. he just loved it and I am glad he did. I thought he was gonna be scared. He proved me wrong!

What a weekend
Mood:  energetic
Well Friday night I spent time with Mike. We had lots of fun. Saturday I hung out with my buddy Caterina. We did lots of running around and some wedding talk. We sat down to watch Hitch but uh I fell asleep sometime and I guess she went to bed. I dunno. Sunday I spent the day with Mike until Three when he went to bed. He sleeps all day and stays up all night because he has a night job and hes off during the weekends and he wants to keep on schedule. I got Gavin back from his father at about four. Gavin is getting so big. The potty training seems to be going good. I don't like the white cloud pull ups they are designed all weird and what not. Hes laying on his couch watching Nemo. He likes it. I got to see the kitten at Cat's mom's house. The kitten is being all sweet now. Shes got shadow ,another cat, to play with. Its cool.

Gavin likes fireworks
Mood:  happy
Well Me and gavin sat outside tonight to watch the fireworks going on around us. He was a bit sketchy at first but then he just started pointing them out and talking about it. He had fun. I wore him out i Guess.

This needs to STOP
Mood:  on fire
Fuckin people that we dont really know just hangin about eating our food and drinkin our drinks. I dont care who's friends they are all they do is bring bad shit around. Cant even sit in the livingroom and watch tv cuz they sleep on the couch. Matt knows how dad feels about people staying the night. They come in here like its their house. No fucking respect for anyone who lives there. But I guess I cant expect them to have respect when matt tells them to just ignore everyone else. He says I am "childish" because I dont like his friends comin over partying and eating food we dont really have to give out! This aint a half way house. They need to go home at night. Its one thing when they come and hang out then go home, quite another when they come over mooch stay the night and just wont go away. They dont know me, yet they wanna act like they do. Fuck that. I am so sick of them all already. Its gonna come to a stop I will make sure of that!!!!

Damn It to Hell
Mood:  blue
Yea I had plans on moving out and the apt. is right in my reach, but I don't know if I will be able to or not. I can afford the thirty dollars that is for the apt. but not the one hundred and fifteen dollars to get the electricity turned on. But thats all I would have to pay. It would be nothing a month unless I get a phone or cable which I would have to pay myself until my situation changes. If I get a job it will be based on my income. I could pay twenty to whatever else a month. So thats good. But I am half tempted to get the apt and turn the electricity on later because i wanna move out so much. I want to get the food I wanna eat and that Gavin likes without thinking someone else is gonna eat it before I can even taste it. Or having to hide Gavin's snacks because I don't want Matt to get stupid and eat all of it. And Gavin cant even cry without Matt yelling at him and that ain't cool. He's a kid. Maybe if he was on a normal sleeping schedule then it wouldn't be a problem. Hell I cant even sit in the living room and be able to watch what I wanna watch. If I am and Matt gets up or comes home then he changes the channel as soon as I leave the room. Never mind if I am just going to take a piss or getting something to drink right? Geez. Not to mention when I move out that I wont have a phone at first because I cant afford it right now. I will be getting a job thought and hopefully I can at least get a cell phone. That way I can take it with me places in case something happens. I don't know we will see. tomorrow is a busy day for me.

Movin out
Mood:  celebratory
Well, I went out to the apt. Tuesday and they told me to come by Thursday to look at an apt and decide if I want it and we can do the paper work then. I can move in on friday if all goes well. Matts upset....awwww o-well. He says its because if I move out he cant get a job. I dont know. All I know is that I am sick of Gavin not even being able to cry without him yelling at him because Matts sleeps during the day. Fuck that, hes a kid. Matt doesnt clean up after himself, and I shouldnt have to clean up after grown ass boys who can do it themselves. Matt brings bad shit into this house and he still smokes in the house while we are asleep even after I asked him not to because of gavins asthma. If he doesnt have respect enough for my son than I am outta here. It upsets my dad but hey what else can I do. Its time for Gavin to have his own room and for me to be able to have my own household that he can play with stuff and I dont have to watch what he has, because matt leaves shit out that gavin can get a hold of.

Sick of this shit.
Mood:  irritated
This shit is Ridiculous. Today Matt was of course sleeping all day, and Gavin decided he wanted to throw a fit. I couldnt figure out what was wrong so I just let him. Matt gets all pissy and yells for Gavin to "Shut the Fuck Up". Well, thats just not right. He starts hitting the wall and yelling and shit. Well Caterina happened to be there with me and yelled back "He's a Baby Grow Up!" at which point the alarm clock in matts room went off and he threw it against the wall. I couldnt help but laugh at that because he was being stupid. So I finaly got out of there because it was just getting on my nerves.

Hurt Again!?
Mood:  accident prone
Well surprise surprise......gavin got hurt again. We were at mikes and we were walking to the car when gavin just decides to go limp on me. In the prosess he twisted his arm a little. I had to take him to the dr.'s because I thought he sprained his arm. But of coures the way kids are he was so hurt at home he scared me, but as soon as he goes to the doctors office he is just fine. They said he just had a case of "nursemaids elbow" he just popped his elbow out of place and when he was playing he slowly got it back. Thank God it wasnt serious. Soooooo I got him a leash. I got it from Wal-Mart. Its a little monkey that hooks to his back and the tail is the leash. Since I dont try to hold his had that much anymore i have to have something to help out right. And he actually likes the damn thing. LOL Its cute he askes me to put it on and says "outside please". How can I say no?

Potty Training
Mood:  celebratory
YAY!!!!!!!!! I am in the middle of potty training my little one. It is actually going really really good. He is having only maybe one accident a day. He goes on the toliet. But hes still in the diaper at night. I figure i would take it slow but its going great. He is in pull ups.