Damn It to Hell
Mood:  blue
Yea I had plans on moving out and the apt. is right in my reach, but I don't know if I will be able to or not. I can afford the thirty dollars that is for the apt. but not the one hundred and fifteen dollars to get the electricity turned on. But thats all I would have to pay. It would be nothing a month unless I get a phone or cable which I would have to pay myself until my situation changes. If I get a job it will be based on my income. I could pay twenty to whatever else a month. So thats good. But I am half tempted to get the apt and turn the electricity on later because i wanna move out so much. I want to get the food I wanna eat and that Gavin likes without thinking someone else is gonna eat it before I can even taste it. Or having to hide Gavin's snacks because I don't want Matt to get stupid and eat all of it. And Gavin cant even cry without Matt yelling at him and that ain't cool. He's a kid. Maybe if he was on a normal sleeping schedule then it wouldn't be a problem. Hell I cant even sit in the living room and be able to watch what I wanna watch. If I am and Matt gets up or comes home then he changes the channel as soon as I leave the room. Never mind if I am just going to take a piss or getting something to drink right? Geez. Not to mention when I move out that I wont have a phone at first because I cant afford it right now. I will be getting a job thought and hopefully I can at least get a cell phone. That way I can take it with me places in case something happens. I don't know we will see. tomorrow is a busy day for me.

Movin out
Mood:  celebratory
Well, I went out to the apt. Tuesday and they told me to come by Thursday to look at an apt and decide if I want it and we can do the paper work then. I can move in on friday if all goes well. Matts upset....awwww o-well. He says its because if I move out he cant get a job. I dont know. All I know is that I am sick of Gavin not even being able to cry without him yelling at him because Matts sleeps during the day. Fuck that, hes a kid. Matt doesnt clean up after himself, and I shouldnt have to clean up after grown ass boys who can do it themselves. Matt brings bad shit into this house and he still smokes in the house while we are asleep even after I asked him not to because of gavins asthma. If he doesnt have respect enough for my son than I am outta here. It upsets my dad but hey what else can I do. Its time for Gavin to have his own room and for me to be able to have my own household that he can play with stuff and I dont have to watch what he has, because matt leaves shit out that gavin can get a hold of.

Sick of this shit.
Mood:  irritated
This shit is Ridiculous. Today Matt was of course sleeping all day, and Gavin decided he wanted to throw a fit. I couldnt figure out what was wrong so I just let him. Matt gets all pissy and yells for Gavin to "Shut the Fuck Up". Well, thats just not right. He starts hitting the wall and yelling and shit. Well Caterina happened to be there with me and yelled back "He's a Baby Grow Up!" at which point the alarm clock in matts room went off and he threw it against the wall. I couldnt help but laugh at that because he was being stupid. So I finaly got out of there because it was just getting on my nerves.

Hurt Again!?
Mood:  accident prone
Well surprise surprise......gavin got hurt again. We were at mikes and we were walking to the car when gavin just decides to go limp on me. In the prosess he twisted his arm a little. I had to take him to the dr.'s because I thought he sprained his arm. But of coures the way kids are he was so hurt at home he scared me, but as soon as he goes to the doctors office he is just fine. They said he just had a case of "nursemaids elbow" he just popped his elbow out of place and when he was playing he slowly got it back. Thank God it wasnt serious. Soooooo I got him a leash. I got it from Wal-Mart. Its a little monkey that hooks to his back and the tail is the leash. Since I dont try to hold his had that much anymore i have to have something to help out right. And he actually likes the damn thing. LOL Its cute he askes me to put it on and says "outside please". How can I say no?

Potty Training
Mood:  celebratory
YAY!!!!!!!!! I am in the middle of potty training my little one. It is actually going really really good. He is having only maybe one accident a day. He goes on the toliet. But hes still in the diaper at night. I figure i would take it slow but its going great. He is in pull ups.

Ummmm
Mood:  spacey
Hey I never said I was mad at you Samara and I wouldnt be mad at you. This situation has nothing to do with me. I agree with you that matt should have backed off. I would rather move out and have matt back here and being able to avoid ya'll breakup or just have problems. There isnt anything I could have done I dont think, I told him that you guys were arguing about something and that he had to pay rent. And that didnt stop him from goind back down. I told my dad, too. I hope your not mad at me. I dont blame you for coming to the conclusion that no one can move in. Saves you a lot of trouble. Just know I was never against you on this I just dont want anyone being mad at me cuz i didnt do anything.

I dont know whats up
Mood:  surprised
The fact that Matt hasnt come home when he knew how bad things were in Bowling Green kind of dumb founds me. He may be immature, but you would thing he would know when to back off. Now hes not only stupid, and immature, hes inconsiderate too. There isnt really anything I can do that I know of. I dont even know if matt is coming back to stay for good or not. I feel so bad for Samaras pardicament right now. She donesnt deserve whats going on, not one bit. She's a good mother and a good person. I dont know what else to say. I just wish i knew how to help.

Matts home
Mood:  cheeky
Well I guess Matt has a different out look on this whole Samara situation then I do. I guess he doesn't know the whole of it. But he is upset that he would have to pay rent when he cant. I kind of understand but as far as I know it was her parents. I guess I am going to just stay out of it until Samara needs help......And I am wondering if Samara is missing a kitten because we found one that was scared and hot and hyperventilating or so it seemed right when Matt came home underneath his truck.....we think it rode back with him.

Siblings are stupid.
Mood:  don't ask
My brothers act stupid most times. But why would you want to act like a complete idiot just to impress people around you? It is not worth it when you have so much to loose..It may not be my business, but i am embaressed by my brothers actions. Not just one but both of them. The other one wont grow up. He is not mature in any way, so he doesnt care about other people relationships. In fact the boy cant even have his own, because he treats girls like crap. I can not live with my brothers. When the one stops acting like an idiot hes actually decient to deal with. But let his friends come around and he doesnt want them to think his a pussy and that he runs the show. Then he acts like a dick. He needs to grow up and set an example. His friends need to grow up too. I dont know about all of them but most of them do. I am just embarresed by them.

Well....You better recognize!!!
Mood:  not sure
Well the monster is back. Matt. But its okay. He says he is supposed to go back to bowling green wendsday. I told him that CJ may be coming up and that he needs to give some serious thought into contributing to Samara's house hold. I hope he listens because that poor woman needs some corporation! Something which she deserves. She cooks cleans takes care of Devin and CK makes sure everyone is happy before herself. Someone needs to open their eyes to that. She is a wonderful person and it needs to be recognized! She deserves to be happy DAMNIT!!!!