Jesse McCartney
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: jesse mccartney
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How To Talk To Your Parents
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: you and your parents


Have you ever needed to talk to your parents about something important?

Talking to parents is tough - and for that matter, so is being a teen. You're bouncing between being a kid and independence, and sometimes that means having to ask your folks for permission to do what seems normal or natural. Whether you want your curfew extended, your allowance raised, to wear punky clothes, or whatever else... follow these tips from Myjellybean.com for successfully talking to your parents.

Step 1: Set The Scene

Talking with parents can be a very difficult task. When it's not a matter of just getting permission, some teens shy away from the idea of having to speak to their parents and talk to their friends instead. But don't rule out the 'rents! Parents are bundles of knowledge and can be very helpful.

Having a successful chat with your parents involves five things:

Step 1: Get Privacy

When you need to have a conversation with parents, it's important to have undivided attention and privacy. Find a time where you can be alone and undisrupted by other people or things. Ask your parents to set aside that time - maybe half an hour after dinner, or when you get home from church - for a totally private chat with you.

Step 2: Set Ground Rules

Before you start talking, ask your parents for their complete attention and lay out the "ground rules" of the conversation. Those rules are up to you but may include such things as:
# No interruptions while speaking: do not talk until the other person is finished
# No one leaves or walks away from the discussion unless it is over
# If things were to get heated, suggest a short break to calm down and then revisit the conversation

Ask your parents to agree to the ground rules. They may suggest a few of their own (like "no eye rolling if we say something you don't like"). Agree to their rules if you can, to get the conversation off to a friendly start.

Step 3: Be Honest

Talking to parents about a potentially serious topic (such as cutting, eating disorders, sexuality, etc.) can be nerve-wracking. Sometimes it might seem easier to avoid the conflict and hide things. However, it's much smarter to be to be open and be honest about what you're going to talk about. Your parents are a great resource of support and knowledge, but they don’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t tell them. Creating a positive space with honesty allows you and your parents to secure a relationship based on trust and mutual respect.

Step 4: Be Mature

Teens often want to talk to their parents about gaining more independence as they grow older. It's a normal process, but sometimes it's hard to remember to show them you're more mature. Showing maturity is all about proving you're not just a child anymore. The more mature you act when you talk to your folks, the more trustworthy you seem, and the better chance you have of getting your wishes granted.

Being mature includes knowing how to stay calm, when your parents don't give you what you want. If your parents upset you by not letting you wear makeup or setting an early curfew, don’t immediately react. Think about what you want to say, and say it like an intelligent adult would say it. If you start yelling or crying, you won’t be able to express your important feelings, and your parents will just say, "Oh she's being a baby."

How do you talk to your parents with maturity? Calmly tell your parents what’s on your mind. Avoid “you” statements like, “You don’t give me enough freedom” or “You’re never happy with anything I do.” These types of "blaming" statements will only cause more friction. Instead use “I” statements such as, “Sometimes I feel hurt when you don’t give me credit for being responsible.” This method communicates your feelings without accusing your parents.

Here are some different examples of how to show your parents that you are mature and ready for independence or change.

Strategy: Speak to your parents as if you were an adult. Avoid sarcasm, jargon, yelling or whining. Start the conversation in a strong voice with lots of confidence. Explain exactly what you're thinking about, and what you want from them.

Example: "Mom, Dad, I would like to talk to you about my curfew. I feel that is it too early and I was wondering if we could discuss extending it."

Strategy: Don't fight, discuss. Try not to argue with parental opinion. It is their opinion and you can't change it. Allow them to speak and THEN talk about how you feel about what was said. Make sure that you stay calm at all times. Come up with compromises and discuss them reasonably.

Example:

PARENT: "We don't think that you deserve more independence. You are still a child and we will protect you like one."
YOU: "I understand what you're saying but I am now sixteen years old. I think that I deserve more independence. Is there anything I can do to earn more?"
PARENT: "How about you help around the house little more and then we can talk about this again?"
YOU: "Okay, that's fair. What about this, if I help around the house more for the next month, can I have a reward, like going out with my friends to a movie without supervision?"

We're not saying this is easy. In tough situations, both parents AND teens can overreact, turning a simple conversation into a battle. But being aware of the need to speak maturely, and come up with sensible solutions, can help you focus on the end result you want - which is agreement.

Step 5: Listen

After you've done your talking, don't sit back and shut your ears and mind. Conversation is a 2-way street, and that means that when your parents talk, it is your duty to listen to them. REALLY listen. If you’re getting a chance to speak what’s on your mind, it’s only fair to give the same opportunity to your parents. If you listen to what they say, you may learn that you’ve been misinterpreting their feelings.

Listening also means not interrupting. This can be an important ground rule that you can set in the beginning. Interrupting one another can cause a nice conversation to become heated. Allow each person to take turns and it will lead to an easier flow of communication. You can always say your piece after they're finishing speaking. Besides, if you interrupt, you might miss the most important part of the sentence. As in:

YOUR MOM SAYS: "I don't want you dating at all..."
BAD REACTION: You interrupt and say, "Are you crazy?! I'm not going to be a nun, I'll do whatever I want!"
GOOD REACTION: You let your mom finish her sentence.
MOM: "I don't want you dating at all... but I know that's unrealistic. I do expect you to bring a boy home before I give you permission to date him."
YOU: (Inwardly rolling eyes) "Okay, good deal."

When you’re talking to your parents, if they say something you disagree with, don’t immediately overreact. Give them a chance to express their feelings. Then, if you need to, calmly explain why you may disagree with them. Try to identify what you need from them and tell them (they may not know).

As you speak, look into your parents' eyes and show interest in what they are saying. Do not avoid eye contact, even if you get upset. Looking at them shows them you are listening - which is as important as the listening itself. Show them respect, and you will hopefully get it in return. Good luck!


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Beauty Spot
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Facial Hair Removal


Ah, puberty. People who call the teenage years "the best years of their lives" forget about problems like unwanted facial hair! This is a common dilemma for many teens (and women of all ages, really). If you've got a 'stache, here are the top options for getting rid of it.

Waxing

This is one of the most popular solutions for hair removal. Generally, it's an effective method to remove hair on the upper lip. Waxing tends to create quite smooth and hair-free result, and hair takes 2 to 6 weeks to grow back, depending on the type of hair you have. The only caution is if you have darkish skin, because darker-skinned people can sometimes experience discoloration after waxing due to irritation. Prevent this by dusting the area with talcum powder before you wax, and applying a good (oil-free) moisturizing cream afterwards. Drugstore brands that work include One Touch Facial Strip Wax, Epil-Ease Pre-Waxed Depilatory Strips For Face and Brows, and Hair Off Facial Wax Strips. You can also have your upper lip waxed for a small price at many hair salons and beauty parlors.

Bleaching

If you have very fair skin, bleaching is an option. You can find bleaching creams in the same drugstore aisle as razors and depilatories. When used correctly according to package directions, these products gradually lighten facial hair (and any other body hair) to a lighter shade that blends well with fair skin, making the hair seem almost invisible. But - if you have a medium to darker skin tone, this won't work for you - the hair will just stand out in a different way.

Depilatories

Depilatory lotions are another alternative, but not one that I would personally recommend. They work by dissolving hair when you leave them on affected areas for the amount of time prescribed on the box. Hair generally grows back within a week to 10 days max. More importantly though, they tend irritate the skin and can cause ugly rashes. Plus, they usually don't remove all of the hairs.

Tweezing

Some women choose to tweeze unwanted hairs, but this isn't an ideal solution because repeated plucking can cause irritation of the hair follicle and lead to breakouts or even scarring. Also, the regrowth can look stubbly. Unless you have just a few stray hairs that occasionally pop up, avoid tweezing unwanted hair.

Today's Celebrity Fact
Mood:  not sure
Topic: celebrity
While Benjamin Mackenzie lived in New York he waited tables to help support himself and shared a bunk bed in a cramped apartment in the city.

Today's Beauty Tip
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: beauty
Throw away any lipsticks that are over two years old.