Orgy on Gardeners World
by 5hann0n

Thanks to 107-A Safe Haven from Pop Music

[this is totally NOT true and is not meant to offend Orgy in any way, also it is no way as *good* as They Will Never Be Sane, still, enjoy :).]

*In the garden*

Jay : [wearing full make-up and his 'Stitches' outfit] Welcome to todays 'Gardeners World', this is me (points to himself) Jay Gordon *raises eyebrow* and here (gestures to Bobby, Paige, Ry and 'Mir) are my co-hosts, as always, they are far too ugly to take center stage. So, let's get started *grins* today they (points to the guys) will be showing you how to pick a flower, I would help, but I just had my nails manicured.

Paige : *smirks*

Bobby : Well, hello, I'm Bobby Hewitt, my wife Shane is in 'Shanes World' and that's almost the same as 'Gardeners World' *giggles* except naked chicks are in Shanes Wor-

Jay : I've already introduced you, you buffoon.

Bobby : So, to pick flowers, what you do is.... um..... *cough* *cough* *choke* (drinks flower water) *gasps*.....Jay? What do we do?

Jay : [smoking] *shrugs* I am just the exceptionally beautiful host and *you* are ugly, ugly, ugly, like the rest of these god forsaken people and I AM NOT A GARDENER!

Ry : Me neither *giggles*

Bobby : Well, that's my slot, i'll hand you over to (looks for victim)....Amir The Rock (shoves 'Mir in front of camera)

Amir : It's 'DE-ROCK' you ugly haired moron! Say it with me DERAKH!

Ry : (on hearing 'The Rock') Dude! Where? I love the Rock, he's so mean, WWF kicks a**!

Mir : (sighing) you take a....flower? Like this one I prepared earlier (grabs a feather from Paiges cowboy hat) and and then you (lets out a high pitched squeel) Gross! A worm! Ryan, hold me! (jumps into Rys arms)

Ry : Dude, like get the hell off me. (drops Amir, who gets knocked unconcious, Ry doesn't notice though) And Amir, man, that was a feather, from like a chick or something *laughs Beavis style* Chicks! ......MMM hott chicks...NAKED CHICKS!!! *drools*

Jay : [still smoking] Oh please, you act like a little girl Ryan, behave, and stay away....from me.

Ry : (in whiny kiddy voice) So why doesn't Amir get in trouble too?

Jay : For one, Amir is far too old to be considered 'little' and he is also unconcious if you didn't notice.

Paige : [looking nervous & unsure] *clears his throat* This is how you pick a flower. First you take a good pair of secateurs, which are available from most good garden stores *smiles* and then you take the flower, like so (grabs the stem of a potted Rose) and take a nice clean snip, now it's ready for that beautiful vase you have at home, just begging to be used, or a pretty bunch of flowers. (turns to rest of the guys)

Jay : I must applaud you Paige Haley *claps*, your botanical knowledge is exceptional *claps again*

Ry : Dude I liked it, now, it's time for some, uh, some-

Bobby : *praying* Please don't let him use the 'B' word.

Ry : Some, uh, some, SUNNYDELIGHT! THE GREAT TASTE KIDS GO FOR!!!

Jay : Ryan, you are 33, you are no longer a child, my friend *smiles*

Ry : No, I'm not 33, that's, like, *really* old, I'm, uh, hmm, yeah so how old *am* I?

Bobby : (changing the subject) So Ryan, for the viewers, what *is* Sunnydelight?

Ry : (adopting cheesy advert-man voice) Sunnydelight is the great taste kids go for, a mix of day-glo orange colouring, artificial sweetner and assorted E numbers that make you hyperactive *cheesy smiles* and it trys to replicate the good tastin' stuff we drink in good ol' Californi-ay. MMM hmm.

Bobby : So you don't want beer then? (as the words come out he realises what he said)

Ry : [Rys ears perk up]

Jay : Bobby! Do you realise what a horrific mistake you have made? It's a bigger mistake than me deciding to wear a ladys thong today. *holds head by finger tips so as not to smudge his make-up*

Ry : (grabs Bobbys shirt) Gimme the beeeeeeeer, you stole my precious beeeeeeeeer, I neeeeeed it. (lets go of Bobby who falls in a crumpled heap)

Bobby : Ow!

Paige begins to eat the 'Gardeners World' plants

Jay : Is this f-' camera still on? (walks up to camera and *spits* on the lense)

Amir : (just 'woken up') What? Bring me my wheelchair, at once Nancy!

Ry : (dancing around the room, thrusting his hips) *sings* Beer, my lovely beer, I need some NOW! before I fall DOWN! It stops my shakes and keeps me awake!

Paige : (steps in front of camera) Thanks for tuning into my show, I'll be here same time, same place, next week *winks* In the meanwhile visit my website at : 'www.flowersforpaige.com' or read my new book, 'Paige Knows Best - In The Garden' *smiles and winks*

¤ ROLL END CREDITS ¤
© 5hann0n productions, 2000.