Colors make it better, right?

	Incase you've been living under a rock, or a spider hole, you may not be familiar with the Homeland Security
danger-color system.The color system was created after September "are we still talking about it at school" Eleventh,
when Theoretically President George W.Bush needed a stupider way to categorize his vague, FBI-encouraged doomsday 
predictions. Before colors, it was so:
	"Hello, my fellow "Amuricans".To start today's Extemely Vague Presidential Announcement, I would like to 
give you some good news: Despite the fact that American soldiers keep getting knocked off by stepping on exploding
things because I keep telling them to go drive around in the desert randomly for basically no reason at all, a 
Special Council has divinely fated that God, while somewhat affected by the continuing upsurge in interest rates 
and Mad Cow Disease, could still kick Allah's ass, if it transpired that we had to extend Operation Iraqi Freedom 
to all of the Middle East instead of just Syria, Iraq, including that undeserving country, Bahrain.
 
	"On a slightly more terrifying note, my fellow God-fearing petroleum-licking Americans, the FBI nudged me 
during today's Federal French Frie Renaming Council meeting. This nudge has led me to believe that everyone in the 
world is going to die of some kind of ailment in the next 100 to 150 years. Considering that the common cold has 
recently been linked to anthrax exposure, I would advise you to stay away from the Japs' and any of those bastard
Chinese"

	All this mention of words such as 'ailment' proved very confusing to the crucial voting block composed of 
people who still have September 11th flags taped in a decorative pattern on their garage doors. A simplified, scary 
system was needed to clarify the point that instant terror-death lies in wait for every Wonderbread loving American.
I never really understood why terrorism was scarier than, say, being run over by a school bus. Either way, you're 
dead, and what are you so worried about? All of you are convinced you're going to Heaven anyway! Why wait around for 
another payment on the Mercedes? 

Ergo, the color system was created! It goes like this...

RED Apocolypse Now! Think what should have happened in the movie Armageddon,
only caused by nuclear radiation. Blood, stigmata, gory shit. Osama Bin Laden and Sadam Hussein will
be presiding in Oaklahoma with Jack the Ripper, and the truth about Sid Vicious. Think accessive 
marijuana abuse, The Daily show will be the only *fake* News program running the alert, and Jerry
Seinfeld will finally stop being paid for a show he did five years ago.LIKELIHOOD?
Red alert will probably never take place, and if it did, Dick Cheney
would probably be the only man left on Post-apocolyptic earth. haha, that darn Cheney!

Orange Vague exsistence of a terrorist threat. Americans are advised to
sanatize mailboxes, small children and furry-like creatures, and arrest any person of middle eastern
Descent trying to board a flight to Nueva York, Los Angeles, Chicago, or Miami. For safety, all
passenger flights are to remain at a "Dismal" setting and flight attendants are required to carry
Colt 45's.LIKELIHOOD? The United states is randomly put on 
Orange alert around two weeks monthly.

YELLOW standard worry level. continue to watch "The O.C" and spend
rediculus amounts of money at Abercrombie and Fitch, dumbass.LIKELIHOOD?
The U.S. is on Yellow Alert at the moment, for now.

Green The nation is in ease! Laura Bush will finally quit looking like a
frumpy old...thing.LIKELIHOOD? this color,green
is reserved wfor when (AsRantnotebook.com Allison A. Mayhem says) "There is a smoking Iraq-shaped 
hole that leads to the center of the earth."

Blue North America will resemble the exotic Garden of Eden, and
thou shalt not murder, steal, or covet they neighbor. Oh, and Cher will probably be dead.
LIKELIHOOD? Hahaha, that's a good one!
Blue level is completely Fictional! The State Department got yah that time! Ha!