I have been examining my beliefs much more lately and i dont really know where i fit because i dont completely agree with any one system and i dont agree with any one belief/ethic/value(s). I have found myself intrigued by "feminism" since i was about 14 and i dont know if this came from my mother but i was raised by a strong woman and have been taught/brought up to be a strong woman. As i grew up i saw two different sides to it, my mom didnt like any sexuality or any women in revealing clothing, as my dad thrived on it and watched shit like the man show which had a bunch of trophyskank (asi call it) dancing around entertaining the men bringing them beer. Now its this girls choice and ive come to recognize that just because im a woman doesnt mean im like other women. Im my own, im a dying breed i feel. And yes i am a hypocritical cunt and i dont care, its good to question yourself every now and than and its good to point out where you think others are flawed. Flawed politically, i cant see myself friends with a weak woman, in what i define as weak is one of those girls i see thriving around on stage half naked and kissing/groping guys all over the audience. um..why? I understand your "Sexually empowered" (its cute how these girls use the empowered/liberated stance on such an oppressive act of their own) I understand you are proud of your sexuality and your power with it, but hey what makes you different from me? Why do you have to put on such a farce and dress a certain way to prove your something or something else. I could say the same with the scene im in but i wont go there.
Im not dissing on other females, or men for this. Infact im not even trying to view it as a girl im viewing it as a human whos disgusted. I mean what the fucks the point in even doing that. Im a firm believer that females need to be appreciated for their minds and what they have to say instead of just their bra size. If anyone thinks thats a false statement, if anyone thinks women should be oogled for their tit size, than what teh fuck is wrong with you? Human nature = sex. DUH, everybody knows that, theres not a society more over plagued with these images though. You can watch beer commercials, you can look at Maxim Magazine and you see women dancing around like retards and you see articles like "girlfriend school" and "how to cure a feminist" Oh just try me!! I dare ya!!! Why would punks want to be like that? Society treats women like objects so now all of a sudden we are too? Why are we okay with that? Its a womans choice, i have no problem with women who are so open as to wear hardly a thing and dance arond but it makes you think, or it makes me think. Why? I remember hearing of a certain band playing from a few friends and how the woman singer was hardly wearing a thing but it was below zero....To me that translates to "help...i dress like this so i can get the approval of the audience" It doesnt really effect me as much when women outside the punk scene do this cause i feel that i know better and that i wont act like an idiot to satifisy another sex.
But i have to draw the line somewhere dont i? Everybodys a sex object, everybodys sexist, everybody objectifies everyone else in the world, i cant really do anything about it but be a bitch towards people i disagree with. Which i have no problem with, you wont ever see me dance around like a ho to get audience approval, you wont ever see me kiss another girl for the sake of getting free beer, you wont ever see me do anything i claim to hate. Hypocricy? My ass. People contradict the fuck out of themselves just by speaking. Ive probably made a hundred in this whole statement. I dont care though, the way you present yourself, the way you act is a completely different thing. I have class, others have class, others dont. Maybe i should be called a hypocrite for having an infactuation with mariyn monroe; oh please, i like a 50s icon who happened to be glamorized for her sexuality and yes she did play a few dumb/nieve roles, but if thats what you think youve obviously havent seen most of her movies. I also have been getting into pinup girls (40s/50s era) lately, again i have to draw the line somewhere dont i? I can admire women who are strong smart beautiful women, and i feel some of these ones were. it was classy, i can see through it, i can see a huge difference between females of that era compared to females of our eras on the magazines.
Instead of todays, the fake tanned, fake titted, fake haired, "how to get thinner thighs and make him happy" agenda. It was real it was classy in a way and had substance. Today i dont see any, i cant really think of why women would do this to themselves, and it breaks my heart to ever think of these women ever entering the punk scene. Ive been called a hypocrite because certain bands ive listened to apparently and this is news to me, wear slutty clothing. Now you got to understand i wouldnt make an ass out of myself that easily. I dont hate anyone for what they wear. The devotchkas/nyrelx/menstrual tramps and so on, i dont see anything slutty. Now that would make me a walking contradiction. People assume because of how i dress that im a druggie failure crackwhore. I dont assume people are anything for how tehy are dressed. If so thanid be no worse than the people who stereotype me and my ideas. I respect people for how they carrie themselves and if they show others respect and the idea of equality. I like that some friends disagree with my ideas and others love what i have to say. Personally im not trying to dictate how girls act or dress, to each their own. I dont know if im a feminist or what wave i mainly agree with if any. A housewife can be a feminist and so can a stripper. Im not bashing on women or men, im bashing on how were expected to act or be treated. And im 19 now and i will always believe this i think. If people dont like it oh well, no need to call me a nazi or a lesbian just because i have a head on my shoulders and know when im getting disrespect or acting like a fool. Sex is human nature and we base how we meet on human attraction and i realize that, some find me attractive as i find others attractive and theres nothing wrong with that, but listen to what i have ot say god damnit! dont stare at my tits when im talking asshole!
(my sites being weird so most of this got fucked from the original typign i made, that sucks ass...ill probably add somemore stuff later once i remember what else i put)
(LAST UPDATE: 3/2/04) CONTINUED FROM THE FRONT PAGE RANT OF MINE (PUNKROCKMARILYN@AOL.COM)
I believe in free speech and i believe that nobody should be censored how obscene it might be towards the average american. I dont agree with everything , and i certainly dont agree with how women are potrayed and how were someone "okay" with being trophys and think its somewhat natural for boys to be boys. I say fuck that, im not going to play up to that role ever, its not okay. Im going to use a quote i found off the profane existance message board I think the thing that strikes a weird chord with me is the fact that I'm one of those sad fuckers that thinks that punks are supposed to be above all of mainstream society's bullshit, and the idea of a bunch of women (punk or not) performing a strip show kind of reinforces this creepy notion of females just being pegged up there for the rest of us to ogle. The whole thing just seems too campy and typical to be considered "punk
That site is lame. Not because I have a problem with women baring it all but because that site is just tacky. It looks about as real as anything being sold at Hot Topic. Or more like the same fools at Hot Topic deceided to cash in on Erotica and came up with this. Being a punk I find this as appealing as attending a Vans warped tour held at a Clear Channel venue with no alcohol.
Dies hair blue, gets cheesy ass tribal tattoo, visits Hot Topic, gets digital camera ready::
These two quotes were directed towards suicidegirls.com a cliche "soft-porn" site about subcultural girls. I feel this sums up how i feel about women going on stage and only mattering for how short their skirt is our how big their tits are. I THOUGHT WE WERE ABOVE IT. . 'Suicide Girls is just more meaningless exploitation. It's more of the same old song: women making themselves feel better through others' approval of their bodies. If I knew a girl who chose to do that, I wouldn't judge or be rude about it; hey, to each their own. But to me, personally, I think it's selling "subculture looks", and degrades instead of enhances. If it were really so magnanimous and in it to make women people instead of objects, the site would be free.' Now im not saying the women arent attractive, cause i think some art, and some are posted in this arty cliche drawn out way. ive looked and had a free membership for about a week to see what the buzz was about. The majority being Thin white girls who look like heroin adicts and have the trendy bisexuality down? WHOOOOA. So were not playing into the ideal of blonde barbie, but were playing into a whole new one of our own? Its not different than any other porn site. It just uses the image of subcultural girls to market itself to a different crowd that insn't interested in the blond/big boobs type of porn. It would be like as if MTV was selling a punk rock image with bands that ae pop rock. oh wait, there still doing that! Bah oh well though i dont care, i didnt see any actual punk girls up there, a farce and a sham, im very indecisive about this kind of shit. I mean its sexist its not sexist, im not saying it really is, there doing what they want, but i don thave to agree with it, politically, and as my own person not as a female, i think its fucking stupid and im not afraid to be the outside opinion on it. Even though a lot of the majority of punk females i talk to hate that shit too. So at least its not one of those isolated "shes a feminazi" ideals, cause hell no im not and i am sexually free and open with it, but im not gonna parade around and act like a dumbass for you or anybody!
Another thing that gets me is when actresses take it all off and claim its so empowering, and itsa real trip to do it and its kinda....weird. I dont get it. Empowerment is to each their own but this is such a farce: It's a digusting lie to call this liberating. It's oppressive... and isnt anyone tired of it? It's not even sex. Playboy isn't sex (aside from the early years of natural looking women), but now rather, unattainable, imaginary fantasies. Thats why this magazine (and any other variations) are feeding naked images of teens to 50-somethings. Furthermore, it's no secret that violence towards women is linked to the objectification of women. Young women are also expected to buy into this. This is their job.. they must look and behave this way. How many times have men said something sexual unexpectedly, and inappropriately to females? It's almost as though women are supposed to consider this a funny.. and put up with it... after-all "boys will be boys"
Its like your expected to deal with the fact that all this shit happens, when people do cat calls and call you a hooch or a slut for wearing your fishnets and a plaid skirt, When you walk by there suppose to gawk, I mean is this a compliment? I feel completely violated, and no nick thats not being a victim, its feeling completely violated like your nothing but your body!! I want guys to go through this kinda, i felt kinda happy when my fiance told me that some gay guys wont leave him alone and that he felt "uneasy" and "violated" around them. GOOD. I dont want him to through it hes the greatest guy to me. but id love for others to be able to relate instead of not think of it as the problem that it is. It wont stop though. Sex is nature, but can we get some respect? For everybody!
(im very proud of this, this is my favorite section cant ya tell?!)
ok, so...i dont know what to say on this because obviously i dont know what to think. One side of me goes, oh its my body, ill out-slut anyone i want, i have a right to, sex is my power as a woman. The other side overpowers and says, um no, thats all society wants you for your body, your sex, its important to let those a-holes know, you cant let them degrade you and treat you like a slut. Than i turn on tv, notice how every girl on there is stick thin, blonde, big chest, tiny hips.....wearing hardly....anything ya know....and it makes me mad, why do i walk all over school (when i was in school) and see the female masses wearing halter tops, butt shorts whatever else that just has to SHOW OFF what some (NO NOT ALL I DONT GENERALZE REMEMBER) men want from you. Look at guys, baggy shirts, baggy pants, can you even tell if there "hot" (im not using my standards right now) i mean, turn on mtv, watch a video of a hip hop band (not all) but half naked girls shaking their asses being pieces of meat, while the guys just wearing HUGE pants and huge shirts "pimping" the "hos" I dont get that at all, i mean i thought we evolved into something more than that, i mean society in general will always be sexist in one way or another, i cant blame it for everything and im not trying to. I went to see nofx (yeah i know i regret it now) long ago in march, and a female band was playing and the first response from the males of the audience was "SHOW US YOUR TITS" what the hell, is that all were good for? and why encourage it? why accept it, if anyone ever said that to me id tell em to fuck right off, no one deserves to be treated like that, than you see girls just accepting it, claiming sex as your only power basically (i refuse to accept it, i refuse to prance around half naked to please the other sex, i please myself damnit) Its scary, but maybe it isnt our fault, maybe we've gotten used to being inferior, maybe it doesnt matter anymore, i dont want to bite the bullet and just ride it out, before im just a body part im a human, at least give me that.
Than there britney spears, christina haguiera, all over rollign stone, spreading there legs, letting everyone konw their sex life, sayign its EMPOWERMENT, to be skanky? huh....did i miss something? why is it every video after eachother they have to try and out-slut eachother, be better than one another, talent never has anything to do with it either. never can you just go out, rock a guitar and be something more than your body allows. I mean,who even defines what is attractive anymore, do people actually decide for themselves or is it the medias job to tell you, oh this is what every girl should look like, oh this is what you have to be to be "beautiful". Hey dont think im pullinga double standard, guys can have it just as tough as women and have to shape themselves the same way, its just not as hard. When your a 13 year old girl, who has all these magazines of people your supposed to idolize, what your body should be like, how you should advertise your body in skimpy little outfits just to impress some guy, who you know, will just want you for one thing (no not all guys, what i mean is if you show up wearing tube tops butt shorts thongs what not, and your just trying to make a guy think your "hot", he will see you for you present yourself, if he wouldnt give you the time in day if you were wearing....sweatpants, or a band shirt or whatever, than what?) its merely attraction that only matters in society right now. Scary? I mean i have nothing against how you choose to dress, more power to you, im fine with my plaid and spikes and what keeps me comfortable. Knowing i dont need to advertise myself before im "with" someone
This is from Katie at youth_politics@hotmail.com
It is difficult to determine a starting point for the discussion of a subject with such a vast range of information and ideas, which I know a very limited amount about. Of all issues aroused by society, sexism is definately at the front of the 'things I would like to learn about' line.
Today's world revolves around physical image. Whether we agree or not, conform or defy, our lives are confronted with sexism on a very frequent basis. The largest portion of blame for this should be directed towards the media. Everywhere you look, the female sex is exploited in some way or another (I am sure a detailed description of the 'Britneys' and 'Christinas' of our world is unnecessary). Men, in many cases, are portrayed as strong and indepenant, which in turn, leads many people to fall for the 'stronger sex' stereotype. Not that some women are not portrayed in such a way, however sadly, the realistic female image is outnumbered by the derogatory 'Barbies' of society.
The vernacular of the English language is another cause for the extream sexism in society. Ask yourself this question: "When was the last time I heard a sexist comment?". A single word such as "slut", "bitch", "whore", etc. can be demeaning and degrading towards women. Ignorance and idiocy is oppressing to gender equality.
I once came across this quote: "The problem with us men and women, is not that we must learn, but that we must unlearn." We have been brainwashed to be sexist, whether we know it or not. What the world needs is fair treatment. What the world needs is gender equality.
This is a conversation me and Claire had:
PunxUnite17: ewww whys christina aguilera so skanky
PunxUnite17: or why does she feel she needs to skanky to feel empowerment thats what i hate empowerment isnt being naked and selling music with "sexuality"
deceptivesurface: Ugh, I know. It just doesn't make any sense. POWER! Let's take our clothes off!
PunxUnite17: i hate that word with pop singers, empowerment ok, im sure you know sex must be our only power as females, i guess thats what they think.... but why push yourself down to that...THAT JUST MAKES YOU REALIZE YOUR ONLY ONE THING..
deceptivesurface: ljfkjsdl;g people: STOP BEING STUPID.
PunxUnite17: ok say im half naked/not covered much, than will ig et a guys respect NO, HE WILL SAY OH SHES HOT, not oh shes smart or a cool person if i have some clothes on and leave some shit to imagine, he wont just want me for one thing...
deceptivesurface: that's the best way I've heard that explained. rawr.
PunxUnite17: i need to write that down and copy it and give it to all females?
deceptivesurface: ALL OF THEM well, some don't need it.
PunxUnite17: deceptivesurface: yeah.... it is.
PunxUnite17: cause thats whats expected of you, if you dont do that your not accounted for i hate people
deceptivesurface: me too. they should stop sucking all the time.
PunxUnite17: i mean sold sexuality, thats whats being marketed, EVERYTHING IS SEX, thats all the medias teaching younger people of what matters and its brainwashing, how you should act, how a male should treat a female, how a female should accept being treated a bad way...
deceptivesurface: And I imagine Christina's doing this so she doesn't seem 'generic'... Oh, the irony.
PunxUnite17: i mean, another one, the man show, all the kids at high school middle school watch it.....they make it seem ok to treat females like whores, make it see that you have to fit certain standards to prove masculinity i mean comedy, i dont see it, i see sexism...i really dont want to feel like i should prance around half naked for beer guzziling idiots
deceptivesurface: I HATE THAT STUPID SHOW I HATE THOSE STUPID MEN ARGH KILL
PunxUnite17: my dad watches it, i hate my dad
deceptivesurface: It's the most flagrant display of the horrors of sexism that exist that I see on TV. deceptivesurface: Excluding, y'know, the porn channels, but only just.
PunxUnite17: and they say its not sexism and if you have a problem change hte channel...WHAT SHOULD WE IGNORE NEGATIVE COMMENTS
deceptivesurface: I don't get that - why are we SUPPOSED to ignore something that leads to violence and murder and battering and rape?
deceptivesurface: We're not supposed to ignore it when it reaches that point, but we can ignore the reasons?!
PunxUnite17: what motivates you to that point
PunxUnite17: and than they have standards for you to be a woman.....uh isnt my genitallia enough? cant i wear my comfortable clothing and still be "feminine" enough for you?
deceptivesurface: ugh. can you loose your razor for a fucking week and still be accepted? NO.
PunxUnite17: nope can you not wear makeup and look every 5 fucking minutes to make sure its perfect can you not have big boobs or a small ass?
deceptivesurface: I hate seeing girls sitting in class and applying lipstick every other minute.
PunxUnite17: i dont wear any makeup aside from my eyeliner mascara shit but i dont look in the mirror every minute , and i dont need to make myself look "perfect" everyday before i walk out the door and i dont needt o wear tight restricking clothing just to make guys want me....im more than my body im a damn human
deceptivesurface: boys can look like fucking slobs and not have people freaking out over their appearance.
PunxUnite17: exactly, go to school allt he guys are wearing baggy covering shit, girls halter tops butt shorts whatever if a guy doesnt feel the need to strip down why the hell should i?
deceptivesurface: Well, if you want to be PRETTY...
PunxUnite17: if a guy respects me and wants to be with me he will respect me past my body fuck pretty, who defines pretty? magazines, tv, consumerist whores to tell you standards of sold fake beauty
PunxUnite17: airbrushing, twiggy half naked girls pushing younger women into eating disorders, if that doesnt inspire you to gag your food what does?
PunxUnite17: underweight girls complaining about being fat every 10 minutes...
deceptivesurface: I've seen all these teen magazines get attacked for only showing stick-thin models and whatever; their response is that "but the newest fashions only come in sizes 0-3" but all their ads are full of disproportioned, anorexic-looking girls.
deceptivesurface: and they're supporting the continuation of it. THE FUCK?!
PunxUnite17: no they say they show all shapes and sizes, but they never show any one over a size 4
PunxUnite17: and they tell you how to be popular, how to get a guy to want you, how to flirt all this shit... what about things that matter?
PunxUnite17: what through one fucking article in about something negative to actually make you think
deceptivesurface: that's what i'm wondering.
most girls will flip past it to see whats in style and how to be COOL and accepted by everyone but themselves
deceptivesurface: it's horrible.
PunxUnite17: its been around for years and we wont ever ever stop it, becuase were somehow inferior
deceptivesurface: people need to get fucking educated - YOUR MAKEUP DOESN'T MATTER. things aren't going to change unless people start making the change, and the whole downward spiral is just continuing.
PunxUnite17: but the thing is, were not the majority, see in this country its only the majority that matters
PunxUnite17: and most people are fine and dont care about this form of oppression towards women, hell some dont even realize it
deceptivesurface: so many don't realize it that it's fucking sick.
PunxUnite17: they were raised to think its okay to be treated like a piece of meat
deceptivesurface: and that's how they'll raise their kids
PunxUnite17: thats what they were taught was acceptable
deceptivesurface: :-\ when will it stop SUCKING?!
PunxUnite17: when women get off their damn knees and stop taking it that wont happen i doubt we'll be alive for this revolution but one could hope deceptivesurface: And I do.
Abortions (7/7/03)
I scrolled around a message board a bit, and the majority are christians and i came to this topic about abortions/prolife/prochoice. Wow big surprise a whole lot of em are against "murder" and say its not a womans right to kill something growing in her body. I for one think i and all women are not baby machines and i dont care if you call me a murderer cause i know im not! Some people are not fit to have kids, hell i cant even take care of myself let a little nicole running around causing hell. I went to hang out with some pals last week and i saw the most disgusting thing ever, there was this truck with this hickass motherfucker in it and on the front it said "God Save America" and "Pro-Life" and my curiosity turned to the sides of the truck and it had fucking pictures of dead babies, with a disgusted look on my face i gave the middle finger. I wanted to go burn that shit down or throw rocks at it, i mean yeah dead babies, gross sick whatever i dont wanna see it, i know what results of abortions but early ones dont look like that and just because you have a couple pictures doesnt mean you could scare me out of it. Dont get me wrong, abortions arent a form of birthcontrol and yeah if you fuck up its an irresponsible thing. If you are a guy you have no fucking clue, you have no idea how scary it could be, i mean yeah if you really do care if its nota casual thing you will worrie, but shit just think about a baby inside of you, that scares the shit outta me. Im not saying guys dont worrie as much but fuckdamnit being a girl sucks in that situation. Back to being on topic though, Why is war okay,and why is killing and genociding a land alright in "gods" eyes, but dealing with something you arent responsible enough for not ok? What the fucks the difference? Its still disposing of something . I dunno, i saw a movie about all these protesters, anti abortionists giving clinic people shit, and t just really pisses me off, if i ever seepeople out at one with signs and shit (unless its a huge fucking turn out oh hell nicole doesnt wanna get murdered) Illfucking go off on em and shove a boot up their asses...thats so disgustng, its not your fucking choice, its mine/theirs you bastards
Some cool thoughts from Megan/Guttercrust
Just some thoughts im always bitching about in the punk scene, or rather the whole marketing scheme of things in general.
Women- to some they are objects, trophies, whores, bitches, cunts, whatever. (Dont get me wrong, some women have serious attitudes and I call them bitches too. But im referring to calling women bitches in general)- like "Hey, thats my bitch" and shit like that. Thats fucking BULLSHIT.
To others, they are game plans, like how they can get fucked tonight, etc etc and how to get em to do it. Its disgusting. If im going to fuck someone, id rather fuck them honestly, not because of some bullshit scheme.. what they cant get fucked being a real person, not some lie? ::shakes head:: Sad, really sad.
Then, there is my point. Beauty, and its justification in the punk scene.
Now im not a butch chick or anything, or anything of the sort. I wear short skirts and shit, and i like my spiked heels ;) because I like to feel sexy, and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way in my opinion. But what is this shit about women in the scene having to appear like models (skinny, tall... blah blah)?? Isnt that part of what punk culture is fighting against?? The stifling marketing ploys of millions of corporations and designers using women as clothing hangers to market their thousand dollar clothes???
Now its entered the punk scene. In my opinion, pretty can be ugly. Im not saying that some women arent pretty that are skinny or tall.. some are. But only when they are being themselves..not starving themselves into oblivion to try to please some stupid TV-influenced male that thinks the perfect woman is some girl off the page of a porno mag. Its pathetic. Beauty in my mind is pretty ugly.. Beauty can destroy lives... (look at all of the women that die of eating disorders every year.)
In my opinion, men AND the women that believe this is how they should be need to open their eyes. I used to be one of them too.. i know what its like. Im not skinny, im "thick". (not FAT persay, but curvy and i have some bounce ;) heh... im not tall, im short. But you know what? There are girls like me that have a lot to offer and never get the chance... and then there are the guys that want some porngirl and wonder why she is a bitch, why she played with his mind, why she fucked his best friend. Welcome to the real world, guys. Some beautiful girls rock as people, and some dont. Its up to you to make the judgement, and not just on looks.
Some of this stuff ill cover more in depth when i get my zine going, but right now its off the top of my head. I just hope punk guys can be more true to what they say they believe in in the future. (And punk girls too!)
In my mind, mohawks and spikes on girls are beautiful.. in my mind, curves are sexy (im not bisexual, just lookin at it from my point of view ;) having breasts and hips and thick thighs are what make us women..what differenciates us from the male species. So grrrls, if you dont look like some punk ideal, fuck it. Throw away the expectations, and men, next time youre at a show and you look at the girl next to you that has a not-so-perfect body and is rocking out with ya...and she seems pretty rad but doesnt fit the punk girl standard, give her a chance.. you never know... she might make you a lot happier :)
Trendy Bisexuality (by me) 9/1/03
I've noticed lately that being a girl and kissing other girls is somewhat normal now. It really pisses me off when girls act like there into other girls just so they can impress their boyfriends or malekind. Why would you do that? Thats fucking stupid and irritating, i mean sure do what you want, how the hell do i know? But its so common now, you hear about on mtv how britney spears and madonna and christina kissed eachother, you always see girls grinding against other girls just for "entertainment" , but why? Whys it so appealing, i mean i could go up and rub my tits against another chick but why the hell should i? Am i an attention driven whore? No, not at all. Should i be? i certainly hope not...
"Bus 15, 9/4/03"
Okay i just got done with a day of great passionate love mackin with my boyfriend josh, and i just got through seeing my cousins dickhead boyfriend (hah just wait bitch) And i got on the bus 15 home, pulled out the cd 'skins and pins 2' and just chilled out cause i had a long way to go. Now ive always thought geez, its the east colfax bus of course some weirdos are gonna come on it, but they never did. So this really surprised me, i havent written about a personal experience in a long time so I've decided to know (hell i didnt know what to write to be honest)
Alright, so i was just slowly on my way home, and this younger girl, about 16, skinny, glasses gets on the bus and sits upfront, i continued listening to an anti heros song and just wasting the time; Than allof a sudden this old drunk ugly smelly scumbag of a guy came on the bus, he took his time before he sat down, saw the younger girl, and squeezed his way into the cramped seat she was in, he put his arm around her, and looked her up and down, starin at her tits and offering to buy her a beer downtown. This was really pissing me off, as i saw the fucker looking her up and down i thought "she cant be older than 16....this guys pushing his 50s, what a fucking pig...why did he have to come on this bus" .
So than she moves quickly after what he says to a seat closer to me, he keeps staring at all the girls on the bus, and i had the meanest, nastyist look on my face, i was fucking irritated by this guy and i knew what he was about to do. He sat right in front of me, and i was fucking pissed. I tried to zone out and listen to some oi, but damn it just got me more aggitated in the end....Anyways, he started staring at me, and said "how are you" and i said in the most disgusted sarcastic voice "oh im just fine" and he said "wanna go for a drink downtown" i replied "obviously not" , rolling my eyes and thinking he would go away and try and get another girl, i thought it wouldnt be my problem, i felt like a sissy (yeah ok shut up)
He wouldnt move, and he kept looking at the other girl biting her nails and trying to hide her face, than me, and it was just filling me up with so much rage...seriously, i was so fucking angry i was shaking he kept looking me up and down and i was about to snap. I thought, 'geez if my friends were down here, if my boyfriend was, oh there would be hell to pay for treating anyone like this, but wait maybe i should just deck him, and kick him in the balls, the other girl will follow but i dont wanna get kicked off, the bus driver didnt seem to care'. The bus drove by saturdays and i thought oh come on get off here you old perv, just leave us alone. I kept getting so mad, it was so violating and sadly humilating, you dont know how it feels unless its happened to you, guys may go its no big deal but you really dont understand. An older black guy sat next to the girl and he knew what was goin on, i thought "damn...she must be goin "thank "god"". And than he left, he looked at her, than me, and than smiled, she yelled "would you fucking stop staring at me please" i thought 'why would you say please hes a fucking scumbag, lets kick his ass' and so he looked back at me and i yelled "dont fucking think you can stare at me or anyone else either you pig, what makes you think you even have a fucking chance, your disgusting".
He than mumbled something and drank his sprite, which was very likely filled with vodka. Me and the girl got off at the same stop to wait for the 16, i swear that was the longest bus ride ever...i was so mad i was shaking, hell i cant even write it as well as i could last night, it was disgusting it really made me hate people, it mademe think 'oh just give me a fucking reason anyone, come on im so pissed im ready to beat the hell out of anyone who fucks around now' ; and i was , so was the younger girl, she looked angry and she was about to say something but i interuppted cause i know she was going to say the same thing, i yelled "what a fucking pig!" and we discussed it over a ciggarette, you could see how pissed off we were, the people wlaking by were kinda freaked out, it was seriously and im not ashamed to say a conversation about how fucking sick males can be, well that one. I was so angry i could cry...and im sure some people have seen me cry but angry cry? Nah you have yet to see me so pissed off. We were both so thankful we got off that bus, we both agreed that if he had got off at the same spot we did he would try and sit between us and we would both just go off and go crazy, we were both so fucking jerky and just ready to beat the hellout of anyone if they ever did that to us again, we should've anyways, i was about to snap...it did violate me, and if your a girl you do know what im talking about. We both sat next to eachother on the next bus agreeing and laughing "if one person even stares at me for 2 seconds im gonna yell and scream" It wasnt funny, the bastard made you feel so powerless and frozen....i never thought iw ould be in that situation, we promised eachother never to let that happen again and that NOBODY deserves it ever.
This is from Holly and her going through the same shit, pretty much adding to the above writing. (Email:
disarrayed_punk@hotmail.com, AIM = Xenophobic Scum)
Yeah Nicole, i know how you feel. As of the moment i am in LA, and i went walking down the street to the shopping center where i usually hang out and spange or whatever, although this time it just brought back disturbing and disgusting memories to mind. About a year ago, me and my good buddy Katie went to the movies in the same shopping center. We went in and stayed for around, eh, 20 minutes, and decided "Fuck this film it's boring as shit." So we left and decided to walk around and find something to do. We walked down the street, ignoring sexist slurs and comments like "DYKE" being shouted out random car windows. We approached the corner cross walk but we just turned and walked in front of an alley beside an old car repair place, we saw 2 guys looking at us in that "Im a fuckin' pedophile" way so we decided to ditch'em and go down the alley instead. Not even 10 feet down the alley (which was rather very long) the oldest man of the two steps behind us and says "Hello ladies." We turn around and snare at him. I say "What do you want?" He says, "Girls, i have some money and some green herb." So katie yells, "Fuck you, asshole." With that, he gives us a grin and starts walking rather quickly towards us, so we take off running. After a few seconds of running i turn around and flip him off and yell "Fuck off!" but he continues to come towards us, faster. We keep running, but my friend is falling behind, so halfway down the alley i stop and run back to her and i see him go around the corner, as if to get into a car or meet us on the other side. We run faster, im holding my friends arm pulling her to keep up with me. We finally reach the end of the alley and we see a car coming down the street pretty slowly, so we run accrossed the street into a barnes and noble. So apparently that old peice of shit thought we were prostitutes, why? Because i had fishnets on? Is that why? Or because he's an old perverted sexist asshole looking for a peice of meat for a few bucks and a joint. Fuck that, i'll wear fishnets and walk down an alley to avoid unnecessary comments inflicted by disgusting sexist ignorant shitheads. end.
"Lack of a title for this" (11/11/03)
...still though this whole insta-feminist thing kicks in me, i feel pissed off and outnumbered, its not feelings of envy its just scenewhores make me feel ashamed. They make me feel like a piece of meat as a female...Im not threatened by anyone grinding their vagina on stage or rubbing themselves, but god damn? I thought this was punk rock, i thought we were more evolved than that. Were just tits and ass and now were okay with it, this is why i hate being a girl. I mean yeah im hot whatever, but i have a mind, look me in the face dont look me in the tits you make me feel like a...i cant even describe it when people do that. Lack of words for it, i just dont like it and it makes me feel creeped out. I mean yeah there just tits but come on show some respect, its not like someone like YOU is ever going to see them i have someone better. But why do we have to limit ourselves this way? Why do we think we have to put on a dumb hooker act just to get guys to like us? Obviously i blame society (oh you knew it) and i think these girls just feed into it because thats how they are, thats how your raised today considering how hte media breaks down your spirit, the magazines tell you what size to be and what you have to conform your life around. Cultural Anorexia. Than the younger boys who watch teh manshow, start realizing that they should treat women like objects (yes it is sexist i dont fucking care if you disagree it IS in this aspect) These boys now learn that you need a trophy, something bleached blonde, fake tanned, big tits and a tight ass. They have nothing smart to say, and trust me these boys now feel suddenly intimidated just like the men who support it, intimidated by a smart woman, a woman who will stand up for herself. No shes not a bitch, shes just strong, and yeah she does feel outnumbered but she refuses to conform to this ideal that shes just her body and she refuses to be violated by any scumbag that interacts with her. Fuck you all , this is real empowerment. Being different than that bitch across you who is so weak and nieve that she insists that she should just dance arond and be quiet around men, just let them do what htey please, lets let someone guilt you into this cause this is your role in society. Fuck that. (this is biased, this isnt gender hating, i dont hate males, i love the guy im with, girls who wear miniskirts dont scare me, were alike in a way, but this isnt manbashing, this is gender role bashing so open your mouth and lick the scum off my boots)
