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January 8th:Confessions of an early morning

It's about 4:15 am on a Wednesday morning, too bad I don't have a joint, eh? I just got done watching some old movies I made with ex-friends, and I came to the conclusion that there's some people you can't forget and whom you will always miss, no matter what, and that sucks. Take Joe for example. Joe was one of my very best friends my junior year in high school, we hung out alllll the time, and he was sooo much fun. He always liked me, but I ended up picking his best friend and other people over him several times because I was 16 and immature.

I wasn't considering the possibility that he would have been so much better for me, I was just focusing all on looks and popularity. I have since changed drastically. Anyways, in the August of that year, I ended up losing my virginity to the entirely wrong person and henceforth Joe did not talk to me for over a year because of it. Maybe he was being immature, but I did make a stupid choice, and I ended up losing him and some other friends because of it.

Recently this past Thanksgiving, I saw him at a party and we made amends, but he was really drunk at the time and chasing after some other girl, and I felt a weird feeling seeing that...jealousy. For so long it had been me he had liked, and I just took it for granted, thinking he would always be there to make me feel better about myself. The problem was, I never stopped to consider that I might have real feelings for him.

Well the time is come where he is no longer in my life. Sure we made amends, but things can never be the way they used to be. After watching videos of our immature ways, and realizing all along that this great guy had been right in front of me, I can't help but feel like a massive idiot. I miss him, I want him back in my life the way it used to be, and maybe I even love(d) him a little. I really miss the good ole days.