I Wanna push you around, Well I will, Well I will

Howdy! My name is Ben, I don't know my last name. I live in Bangor Maine, but originally i'm from the west coast of Alaska, where I grew up in deer hide and ate frozen fish everyday. Growing up, I lived near the hood, and always found myself in bad situations, sometimes I would get jumped by eskimos, and other times my dad would touch me and make me feel uncomfertable, he told me if I told mom, he would make me ice fish naked, with no chair. By the age of 4 I just had about enough, so I ran away to Iowa, home of the cats. By then I was 10 ( I originally went to Malibu, but I wasn't accepted, they'd make fun of me and told me they could fry a gourmet meal with my thick, yellow tinted glasses ) So when I was in Iowa, I stole 48 cats from the richest cat owner in the USA. As of now, I live in a 3 story apartment in Bangor Maine. I'm going to share a tear jerking story about Forkrine, my kit-ten but-ton. It was August, so it was pretty hot and humid. All my kitty's have their own room on the 3rd floor, and since it was hot and humid, i left the window open, so air could circulate. That afternoon, I was sitting at the table, with my glasses sitting on the table infront of me while i drank some kool-aid i made last summer. I couldn't wear my glasses becuase I was sweating so much they wouldn't stay on. I know that my kitty Forkrine likes to sit on the window sill and watch the neighbor's dogs mate, but i trust him not to commit suicide. now my other 47 cats HATE forky becuase he's always been my favorite, so they pushed him! Of course i was sitting at the table when I saw in the reflection of my glasses, forkrine fly past the window!!! He's only got 3 legs now, so I took 3 other cats and shoved big metal rods up their asses to scare the rest. my poor forky porky pig. What kind of organism would do such a horid retchid thing!? Those damned cats I guess!

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