Blair shut and locked the door. He pressed his back against it and slowly slid down to the floor. Drawing his legs up, he rested his head on his knees and wondered what the hell he'd just done.

Jim knows now and he'll try and help, but he'll just end up even more hurt than Blair was. //Maybe even dead.// Blair shook his head and pushed that thought away. No, a dead Jim wouldn't sit too well in his book.

"What have I done?" He questioned no one in particular.

What the hell was he thinking staying at ho--Jim's, he silently corrected himself, house last nite? In Jim's bed...in his arms?

//Damnit// Blair stood up and wrapped his arms around himself. Looking around he compared his new life to his old one. House is a bit messier, only clean because he had grown acustom to Jim's standards of clean. He walked down the hallway and glanced in the mirror. Same clothing style because Ray didn't mind his clothes. Same long curls because Jim loved his hair and Ray couldn't budge him on that. Same face. Of course there was the bruise, but something different. His eyes they were darker, sadder. Blair closed his eyes to the sight. He turned into the bedroom, bigger bed than Jim's, Ray didn't cuddle. Which was fine by Blair the further away he was from him the happier. He looked at the dresser, No pictures of anyone just a lone tie. He stood at the edge of the bed and sighed. //No Jim.// His mind helpfully supplied. Blair groaned at sat down putting his face in his hands.

He wasn't sure how long he'd stayed that way but when he finally looked up at the clock it was 15 'til noon.

"Shit." He said out loud."Better start lun--"

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Ray said cutting him off as he came into the room. He looked at Blair funny and started to take his tie and shirt off.

Blair shook his head a bit and forced a smile, "Just myself."

Ray glared at him in the dresser mirror, "You going insane on me or something?" he turned, "Thinking 'bout leaving again?" He walked towards Blair and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

Blair gulped, "No, Ray. I wouldn't even consider it." He lied.

Ray released him but stayed in his face. "Good cause you know what would happen if you left again rite?"

Blair nodded. "Yes Ray, I know." he said in a small voice.

Ray smiled, "Okay then." He kissed Blair on the forehead and turned away, "Danny's here."

Blair's face lit up, "Really?"

Ray looked irritated, "Yeah really. He came by work a little while ago and decided to have lunch with us."

Blair headed out to the living room excitedly. Danny was the one good thing that ever came out of Ray, his son. Danny was a kind hearted man that Blair connected with. Back when things were real bad with Ray, Danny convinced and helped him get to Cascade, leaving Ray behind in Texas. Even though Blair was already going to go to Rainier back then, he wasn't sure he could leave when he was with Ray. Danny told him that staying with his dad would ruin his plans and eventually kill him. But Blair was still scared to leave, afraid Ray might find him and hurt Danny for helping him get away. Danny finally convinced him to go. He gave Blair money and the name of a friend up in Washington that he could stay with until he got back up on his feet. Blair was eternally grateful to Danny for that. If he hadn't helped him back then Blair would have never met Jim.

Blair smiled as he exited the hallway and saw Danny. He hadn't changed too much just looked a little older. He still had light blonde hair that he wore short and slicked back. He was wearing a casual buisness suit and was looking around the house in awe.

He smiled when he turned and saw Blair, "Hey!" He opened his arms for a hug.

"Hey." Blair said as he hugged Danny.

Danny whispered to him when they broke apart, "What are doing back with him?" he looked at the bruise on Blair's face, "And when did this start again?" He nodded at his face.

Blair smiled saddly and said quietly can we talk later? When your dad's not around?"

Danny sighed and nodded, "Sure kid." He smiled at Blair's annoyed expression.

"I'm older than you, you know? Why do you call me that?"

"Cause I'm taller than you, kid." He laughed.

Blair laughed and roled his eyes, "You and ten thousand others." He smiled and said, "I'll go get lunch started."

Danny grabbed his arm and smiled, "No need. I just ordered us all Chinese." He winked at Blair.

Ray walked itno the room and sat down on the couch. Blair mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Danny, who just smiled and headed towards the kitchen table. Blair sat down across from him and said,"So what brings you to Cascade?"

"Ah...talked to Dad the other nite and he told me he'd found you and that you agreed to go back to him. So I took some time off and here I am." He said grimly, looking straight into Blair's eyes.

Blair glanced nervously at Ray and whispered in a pained voice, "Please can we talk later? I'll tell you everything, okay?"

Danny smiled and nodded.

"When's lunch?" Ray bellowed form the couch.

Danny rolled his eyes and Bliar chuckled quietly.

"When the guy gets here Dad." Danny yelled back. Ray just glared at him over the back of the couch.

Danny was just turning around when the doorbell rang. Blair got up to answer it, asuming it was the delivery guy. He opened the door and gaped.

Rafe stood there and gaped rite back, "Uhh...sorry. I must have the wrong apartment." he said nervously and glancing in the house.

"How much is..." Danny said coming up behind Blair but noticing that whoever was at the door was not the delivery guy.

"Ummm...what number are you looking for Sir?" Blair asked Rafe. Begging for him to understand his unspoken plea through his eyes.

"Uhh, hang on." He pulled out a piece of paper and looking at it, "It looks like a #3." He said looking at Blair's door number.

"That's us. Maybe it's written wrong. Let me see?" Rafe handed him the paper, both of them seeming to relax a little. Blair scanned the sloppy hand writing, "Ah...looks like an eight to me. Try there Rafe." He smiled pleasantly at his old friend and handed the paper back.

Rafe frowned at the paper then smiled, "Oh I see. Thanks Hairboy!" He smiled and walked away whistling. Blair smiled and shut the door. He turned around and his smile faded.

Ray and Danny were both staring at him, Ray looked irritated and Danny looked curious.

"You know him?" Ray asked angrily.

Blair frowned and shook his head, "No he was looking for number eight but thought it was number three. I was just helping him Ray." He a little confused. He thought that he and Rafe had done a good job at covering up their familiarity with eachother.

"Then how'd you know his name?"

//Oh shit// "Huh?" //Brilliant Sandburg.//

"Rafe. You called him Rafe. How'd you know his name?" Ray said. His voice getting loud. Danny winced a bit.

"Oh, the paper was a letter. It said 'dear Rafe' at the top so I just assumed that was his name." Blair shrugged his lie off.

Ray relaxed and headed back to the couch. He picked up the remote and started flipping channels."Hey, he called you 'Hairboy'. Why do you suppose he did that?" Ray glared suspicously at Blair.

Blair tugged on some of his hair and said, "Probably the hair Ray."

Ray looked at him angrily but turned back to the T.V. The doorbell rang again but this time Danny answered it. It was the delivery guy.

Danny paid and took there food to the kitchen table. "Okay, what does everyone want?"

Danny had left an hour ago and the dishes had been done. Blair sat on the couch watching T.V. with Ray. He was hardly paying attention to it though, his mind re-running the events of the day.

He felt Ray looking at him and cringed inwardly. He knew what would happen tonite, hell, what happened every nite, and perhaps it was worse than when Ray beat him. The sex was the worst probably because Ray was so damned gentle. Yeah not what you would expect but it was almost too unbearable for Blair. Maybe because Jim was always gentle and he'd reserved gentleness strictly for Jim.

Ray leaned over and brushed his hair away from his neck. Blair kept his eyes on the T.V. as he felt kisses being trailed down his neck and behind his ear. He had to force himself not to push away or flinch. He knew that this would be easier and faster if he just let Ray do this then go to bed.

"Lets go to bed baby." Ray whispered in his ear.

Blair just nodded and let himself be led to the bedroom. Ray started to quickly take Blair's clothes off and then his own. Blair went down on all fours and waited while Ray quickly prepared him. He felt Ray position himself behind him. Blair relaxed his muscles as he felt Ray begin to enter him. He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for Ray's release. He wasn't even slightly hard. But that didn't matter, Ray had come to terms with the fact that Blair couldn't and wouldn't get it up for him. Even in the beginning when Ray had gotten mad about it and he'd tried thinking about Jim, he couldn't be aroused. The fact was that it just wasn't Jim. Nothing could or ever would change that fact.

Ray began to thrust harder and faster into his body, signaling his close release.