Yeah the tarot broke, open the glasshouse and this might just be the saddest day I've ever known


Jim woke slowly as though he didn't want to wake up. He wanted to, he was just scared. What if last nite had all been a dream? He kept his eyes closed as he rolled over and felt around. Yep, he was rite, all a dream.

Jim sighed and opened his eyes. Rite no one there just an empty pillow and a note. A note? Jim sat up and looked at it suspiciously. He finally grabbed it and began to read it,

Jimbo, Sorry you woke up alone but I had to go to work. I would have woken you but you just looked too cute drooling all over the pillow,

"I don't drool Sandburg." Jim murmered forgetting he was alone.

that I just didn't have the heart to wake you. I know you have the day off, so I'll try and hurry. Should be home around noonish. Call me. I love ya Bigguy!


Jim sighed a bit, "Didn't get to say goodbye." But he was, nevertheless, happy. Last nite had actually happened. He was so relieved. They had finally confesed that they were in love with eachother. They only shared a few kisses before retreating upstairs, however all they did was sleep. Jim felt, excuse the word but, giddy. It was good to love and to be loved in return.

Smiling he picked up the fone and dialed Blair's office. No one answered. Oh well I'll call later. As soon as he clicked the reciever off it rang. Thinking it mite be Blair, Jim answered it, "Chief?"

A deep breath, "No Jim. It's Simon." He sounded odd.

"Oh hey Simon. Whats up?" Jim said warily, hating Simon's tone of voice.

"Umm...Do you think you could come into the station Jim?"

Jim looked at the clock, 10:43. Blair would be home around noon and Jim wanted lunch to be ready for him when he got there.

"Yeah...But not for too long. Why? What's going on?" He felt something indescribable prick at his nerves.

Sigh, "Just come in would you Jim?"

"Yeah, I can do that. Bye."

Jim stared unseeingly at the fone.


Stepping into the pricinct elevator, Jim wondered what could be going on. Simon's voice had been so weary. Sot of like in grieving. Could someone have died? No, Simon would have said to bring Sandburg. Shit. What the hell is going on?

The elevator stopped and the doors opened to Rafe and Brown who looked at Jim with wide, tear brimmed eyes.Jim looked at them woriedly, "You two okay?" He said stepping past them. They lowered their gazes and mumbled inaudibly.The doors closed behind them.

Walking throught the Bullpen was surreal for Jim as if it all was in slow motion. People looked at him but quickly turned away. Jim was about to grab the knob to Simon's door when he saw Megan come running towards him with tears flowing down her cheeks.

Jim caught her in a tight embrace, trying to stop the tears long enough to find out what was wrong. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, "What?" He asked gently. Connor just lowered her eyes and shook her head. Jim grabbed her shoulders tightly. "Damnit! What the hell is going on?!" He shook her lightly.

Joel came over and pried his hands off of Megan's shoulders. And gently backed her away from Jim. "I'm sorry." Megan whispered, fresh tears spilling.

Fear clutched at Jim's heart, and he stood staring after her. This is bad was all he could think.

"Jim." Simon's voice startled him.

"What's going on Simon?" Jim looked lost and confused.

"Come on." Simon said walking to his office.

Jim warily followed, shutting the door behind him.

"Have a seat." Simon said.

Jim was too on edge, "I think I'll stand." He stood fidgeting. He was scared and desperatly wished Blair was there. He missed him and needed his guide's comfort.

"Coffee?" Simon offered avoiding the subject at hand.

"No. What Simon? Please? This is killing me." Jim pleaded.

"Ji--Jim Blairs dead."

Jim's heart stopped.

"No-No he isn't." He denied weakly. "No."

Simon swallowed his tears. "Jim...follow me." Simon got up and headed to the elevator. He was aware of everyone's gaze on the sullen man behind him. Sympathy was radiating from their pores. If Jim noticed he didn't acknowledge it. He didn't want their sympathy, he wanted his love to come bouncing around the corner with a smile and a hug for him. He wanted to be told it was all just a joke.

They were suddenly at the door of the morgue and Jim had no idea how he'd gotten there. Simon opened the door and let Jim pass before following him. Dan Wolfe stood there gloomily. He motioned for them to follow him and stepped over to a sheeted table. Dan hesitated, glancing at Jim. Jim nodded his head briskly and Dan pulled the sheet back.

Jim's beautiful guide lay there, eyes open and staring unseeingly up at him. Jim knew he couldn't see, but those eyes that had once held the life of the man he loved, seemed to pierce rite throught his skin and straight to his soul.

Jim vaguely realized he was crying and if he were thinking he would have felt his knees hit the ground. Feeling a zone coming on he desperatly listened for his guide's heartbeat or voice. He couldn't find it so he concentrated on his memories and finally heard it. Blair was talking to him.

"Jim, love, wake up for me...Jim?"

The voice sounded far away but Jim focused on it and gasped awake.


He was at the loft. His bed as far as he could tell. The skylite above him seemed to be swaying and he felt arms around him. Jim could still feel tears running down his cheeks. He looked up into the concerned eyes of his lover, who had stopped rocking him. His head was being cradled against Blair's chest.

Jim grabbed Blair and pulled his head down for a deep kiss, that lasted until they needed air. Staring into eachother's eyes, Jim idly played with a curl.

"Your here." He stated still reeling from his nitemare.

"I always was." Blair said. He smiled gently, "Nitemare?"

Jim just nodded.

Blair nodded and leaned down for another kiss. "Just a dream baby." He laid his head on top of Jim's, "Just a dream."

"I didn't get to say goodbye..."

"To who Jim?"

"You." he said with a hitch in his voice.

"I left?"

"For work. You just left a note. Didn't get to say good bye." Jim cried a little. "If you leave will you wake me to say goodbye?" Jim looked at Blair who smiled and kissed him.

"I promise." He said.

"Good." Jim smiled. "Lets go back to sleep."

Blair nodded and let Jim curl around him. He was just about to fall asleep when Jim said his name.



"I don't drool."

Blair smiled sleepily. "I know."


This regret, it kills you'll never forget take the time this time to say your goodbyes