These are just some really funny stories...

~*~ Flannel Man ~*~

Me, Clarissa, Amber and Ray had all decided to go walk and see a tree fort near Highland. We got there and Phil and some other homo were like pissing from the top, and for some dumb reason Ray thought she could climb it. We got bored of that and decided to go to town pantry to see if anyone was there. Me and Ray saw this dude with long scraggly hair and a huge beard and wearing flannel plaid print shirt and pants walking down the street. Me and Ray thought this was hilarious and Clarissa and Amber wanted to see Robb Road, so we split. As me and Ray walked down the street we were just yelling out random things and Ray really had to piss, and we were on Noel Street (busy street) So Ray just crawls into the ditch and takes a leak while i laughed at her from the sidewalk. So we kept going and we turn around and there was the flannel man! We screamed and ran down the street until we got to Trevors house. There was this parked car across the street and then they pulled up next to me and ray and the guy was like "you ladies wanna ride?" and im like "a ride? to where?" and i noticed the backseat window was gone and they had taped on saran wrap and so i jabbed my finger through and then they took off. Then Trevor and his friends went inside and ray went to the side of the house and stole some little kids tricycle and rode like not even a block and ditched it in someone elses yard.*

~*~ Bez ~*~

Mr Olsen had gone away sick or whatever and he had this sub come in from the university, and i sat with Ray in that class and we both thought the teacher was a huge dyke. She had really short hair and dressed manly and like rolled up the bottom cuff of her pants and had like brown pirate shoes. We decided to call her Bez, short for bezbean since we could exacly call her a lez in class...So ya, there was me and Ray workin on essays and Bez goin around the class checking peoples work. Ray raised her hand to get help and Bez saunters over and gets all right up close and like put her hand on Rays shoulder and then she put down her pencil and took Rays and started showing her stuff on the essay. Ray freaked out and was like "Can you not touch me please Bez?!?" Bez was like "okay...?" and walked away and Ray was like "HEY! This isnt my pencil! I dont chew my fucking pencils! YOU SICKO! Give me back my pencil!" Bez was convinced the brand new pencil was hers and they argued for like 20 minutes.*

~*~ Crowther~*~

I hated Mr Crowther from day one in grade 10. He looks like an oompa loompa. Luckily i had Leah, Ray and Kristina in that class. Many funny things happened over the 5 months such as Wes bringing ashes to class claiming they were his Grampa and he was blowing them at people, mainly Russel. I dont even remember doing work, i just sat there and drew comics back and forth with Leah on certain peoples hair or made mashes (the big closet, the ugly clock) On some of the last few days i brought pop rocks to class and sat in the back and ate them and watched Crowther freak out at the front. I had this pencil with a big wad of hot pink feather fuzz on the top and he moved me so i had to sit right in front of his desk (to keep a watchful eye) and so while he was teaching i ripped out pieces of feather and put them all over his desk. I caught him picking his nose once and poked at Ray to look...Disgusting. Sometime in the beginning of the year while i still sat relatively close to the door i managed to slink down under my desk and crawl out of class. Crowther hated me so much he decided that spending time in the study carrol (hows that even spelled?) out in the hallway would be the best place for me. Unfortunately i walked away from it and got caught down the hall. Sometimes in math it wasnt always Crowther who was a pain in the ass, one time i was pissing off this psychopath named Chris Malchow so he turned around grabbed my desk and flipped it over and told me to fuck off. He thought he was tough, i thought it was ridiculous and the class was pretty much pissed off at him. Crowther is definately a dumb teacher, he used to tell us the textbook was wrong. I dont think the textbook people make it wrong on purpose. Oh well, my mom told me he's on prozac. Ew a recent reminder of his Wet Eyes...*

~*~ The Girl On The Bike ~*~

This spring break Me, Clarissa and Ray were walking along the comox mall showing Ray where someone had put a huge "Hi Ray" on the side of the building. We kept walking and we heard someone talking to themselves. We turn around and theres this girl possibly 16-25 riding on a bike with a massive helmet. She was yelling out "54 40! 54 40!" Ray got a little closer and asked "Whats 54 40? a group?" the girl answered " A singing group! 54 50!" I thought it was hilarious that we were being chased by a handicapped girl on a bike so i got a picture of Raylene walking next to her which made her say, "Take picture of me?" All happy-like. Then she said "Are you guys prostitutes?" Ray answered "Do we look like prostitutes? they wear skimpy clothes" (we were all wearing coats and hoodies) So the girl on the bike is all "im sorry! Im sorry guys Im sorry! Are you mad? Are you Hookers?" Then the girl screamed at Ray which made Ray come running over to me and clarissa all scared. The girl on the bike stopped at the side walk and we were in the parking lot already and she was laughing away as if it was the funniest damn thing. Then she rode her bike across the crosswalk and almost got hit.*

~*~ Grandma ~*~

Clarissa and I were walking back from Town Pantry (for those of you who dont know it's like a 7-11) and I was telling a story and this car drives past us kind of slow. We stop and we're like 'Wtf is this guy doing?' But we keep walking hoping they'll ignore us. Nope. They reversed so that they were driving slowly as we walked away. The guy rolls down his window and was like "we just drove through a massive mud puddle! Now our car is all dirty!" Clarissa was like "Good for you!" and we kept walking. Until i noticed a tiny person with frizzy hair in the backseat. So i said "Is that a grandma in your backseat?" the dude in the passenger side replied "A grandma? No! Shes only 21! What do you take us for?" Then it was long silence and then the passenger dude opens his mouth and says "Break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar!" Then he was laughing at his own joke so hard but between laughs he managed to say "Just drive!" to the driver. How Embarassing. For him anyways.*

~*~ Fags In A Sunfire ~*~

Me and Clarissa had made plans with Amber, and after dropping her boyfriend Jordy off at his friends house we decided to go to Town Pantry. We were about halfway there and this silver sunfire goes by and they started yelling stuff at us and Amber, being the shit disturber she is yelled out "FUCK YOU!" to the car. They drove off but then did a U-turn, drove past us and did another so that they were next to us again. They asked us dumb shit like what we were doing. We just kept walking. So they drive off again, but only to the next street so they were stopped along the crosswalk where we needed to cross. They all peeked their heads out of the car saying that they wanted to pick us up, the one in the backseat was 14 maybe. We walked past them once again. They drove up past us and turned into the comox builders parking lot blocking us off again where we needed to cross, but this time they had time to spare before we walked past them so they all got out of the car and the tiny one sprawls out across the hood thinking hes all cool. Definately not. we walked past them again, forcing them all to get back in the car, turn it on and catch up again. This time all they did was pull up beside us and yell out their phone number which none of us really cared to call.*

~*~ The Sex Swing ~*~

Me, Clarissa, Raylene and Chris were going to Chris' brothers house to hang out since we didnt have anything planned for that night. Me and Clarissa were in the backseat looting through all the alcohol leftovers and sampling/ drinking all of it. We got to Chris' brothers house a little buzzed but nothing major. Chris left to pick up Megan and when he came back, his brother, another girl his brother had over and him had to go out to get more alcohol. Little did anyone know that Chris' brothers girlfriend was STILL in the house. I went down the hall to the bathroom and i heard a funny sound like a vaccuum. So i peeked into the bedroom and saw this girl sitting on the floor in her bra blow drying her hair. I ran back to the living room and was like "Guys! You guys! Theres a chick in there! And theres a swing in the corner!" Ray told us she remembered something about a sex swing. We all thought we were talking quiet enough, but then we heard a "You can get on it if you want" from down the hall. I just about pissed myself laughing. They came back with a 2 6 of sour puss for me and Ray to split and a 4-Pack of kahlua mudslides. I started chugging the sour puss and not wanting to share with Ray so I drank a good 3/4 of the bottle until Ray saw what I had done and hid the bottle in the freezer and we forgot it there.*

~*~ The Night Cheerleading Was Cancelled ~*~

Me and Tam showed up at GP at about 6 I think because we had cheerleading practice. We didnt find out until we got there that it was cancelled and my mom had just taken off. The school was empty and we were stranded so we decided to have some fun. I always wanted to see a teachers lounge, so I peeked in and saw no teachers so I go in there steal a big wad of coffee stirring sticks and ran out into the hall where i threw them at Tam. Tamara bought a root beer and let me drink some, unfortunately she made me laugh and so I spit root beer ALL over the floor. We were running around like tards when we heard someone playing piano all Phantom Of The Opera-Like, we peeked in every class to find who was playing it. We found the class and saw it was the janitor that we couldnt tell was a girl or a guy, so we laughed about that for awhile. We saw some disguarded desks in the front hallway so we sat in them like dumbasses. I was sitting in the type of desk with the chair attached to it, so I was sitting in it using my body weight to make it jump over to Tam while I screamed "Taaa-Maaa-Raaaa!" Just then Mr.Kuzenko walks by and asked if I was alright. We peeked in the weight room and saw colin working out, so we hung out in there for a bit. Until Colin started lip syncing to Jackson 5...we thought that would be a good time to leave. So we strolled on over to the mall and into Zellers to play with baby toys. I peeked around an aisle and i saw a guy playing with transformers so I threw a nerf ball at him. Then I found out he was handicapped. We left the mall and it was 9:00 and my mom was back to pick us up.*