Ramblings At 1 AM
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I've always wanted to be different
I always chose the wrong hand
Too many doors slammed shut in my face
And too many things got in my way

I promised that I'd call you back
I promised that we'd go out for lunch one of these days
You agreed and said we'd do it later
But later never comes when we walk backwards

From the moment we're born we stumble towards the end,
Our destiny;
The final uplifted face in the single second of
Ecstasy; dawn's glow; the realization of everything compounded into
That one second of understanding before the rope is cut

I used to think I understood what was going on inside his head
I fooled myself into thinking that my way was all he needed
This veil across my face hides my tears and anger and it
Almost makes me seem normal--but you didn't care about the face behind the mask
Did you? Do you? Will you ever?

I wanted to be different
I was--to you I was just that girl you had something with, long ago when
My hair was longer, you smiled more, and I felt like I was in love
I don't smile too often nowadays. I have trouble believing in love
Life used to be so happy-carefree...it now drags me down in a spiral of hopelessness

We drown ourselves in sorrows over ice cream
Sorrow? Ah, there's the trick--we imagine three-quarters of our agony
Nothing is more than the chemical connection of neurons and electricity
I am nothing more than a jumble of grey goop inside my fragile skull

-02/10/02