Sunsets that cant compare to the harshness of life

When I started, I faced only the one unshakable barrier between my dream and my heart. A dream that only dreams could create. Yet, it stood in my way like a tidal wave. My choices led to nothing but despair and hatred. You came and opened my eyes to the life I thought had been lost forever. You gave me hope that there was still hope for a soul without a light. Nothing this cruel world threw at me could compare to the happiness I felt every time I saw your shining face like a setting sun. Every time I felt like my dreams and desires were lost, you would come to me and give me the hope I needed quicker than a comet on its way to oblivion.
The sunset was slowly fading across the sky with the brilliance of the last forth of July. I sat alone on the sand, running my hands in the fine rock crystals. I ran them through until I reached the point where my fingertips became numb with cold. I didn’t care though. I imagined myself running my hands through your beautiful hair. If this was true, my hands wouldn’t be numb, but they would be fulfilled and warm from the beauty and that glowing of your golden hair. This was caused by the warmth and love that you bring to my life. My eyes cant take the sharp spears of light pierce my pupils like freshly sharpened glaives. My shade doesn’t help to soften the blow of my setting soul.
I have come to this spot too frequently. I have been sitting on this sand for what seems like a lifetime. I just continue to dig my fingers in to the sand, but it’s not sand. I am digging deeper and deeper into my mind, trying to hide myself from the actual world. I want to hide myself from this cursed void of a town. Someday, my walls are going to come crashing down and take my heart to its final resting place. Here on the sand. Right here, next to this faithful cliff. I will create my demise and complete my circle. Floating through the currents of my life out to the setting sun. Just like all the great people have done before me. I have to accept this destiny, but will it accept me? I need to find a way for my fate to allow me through. If I fail, then I will wander the world like everyone else that has lost their purpose. Just another empty soul. God sees it, life sees it, why can’t you see it?
I continued on, my soul held on by a string, as the light of my world slowly faded into the abyss from which it started. My bad luck had proved to me once more that life looked at me and turned away. Cold gripping to the flesh of my hollow mind as the slow poetry of heartache and despair played like the last song I would ever hear. When I am alone, the only hope that I can find is that of the orange and purple strung across my eyes. This wasn’t the real world, but the colors of the world, which I hid myself from. Nothing I can do can save me from this vast world that has consumed me.
I talk to you and your wonderful face every time my tears allow. You are oblivious to the words that I write and the chaos that has consumed my soul. Smoldering ashes of the once prestigious city is what drives me to move on. Nothing. There is nothing in this world left for me. I need to create a way out of life, reality and all that is cruel and unworthy of my name. My soul pours forth with an undying purpose to help me escape.
What did I do that would make you take our candle and throw it into that pit of despair? Don’t you know that the candle was the one thing in this world that I cherished more than anything? It was my drive, my life. I lived for the moment that I could look into your eyes and know that I was the one thing that could be true to you. That’s what I see in you, and most of all, that’s what I see in myself. You gave me a reason to feel alive and a reason to believe.
The candle has been blown to the sea, floating in the breeze. My life is in that candle. You should know this, but the light being radiated by your self-centeredness blinds you. I can now see through your light to the cold, blackness that is your true self. I thank a burning inside for all that I have found to be true to myself. Myself has become useless as letters alone in space. Love is all around, yet the one above has forgotten to leave any for the blackened soul of a kid in despair.
I sat here too long waiting for some sort of deliverance. Too long I have dreamed for that day that you would come to my bedside and sing the words I wish to hear. Too long I have seen your face, disfigured by the life that you have chosen for yourself. You tell me that someday I am to be eternally in love with all that I desire and deserve, lies. I cannot trust a soul so blackened by calamities that a shard of holy light could do nothing to pierce the nothingness of your life. As I stand here, face dirty with the lies and taunts I have faced over the years, I wonder what excuse could be deserving of such an ill fate. Emptiness is all I have left and it becomes the bed for which I sleep. Darkness is the soul of my dying body. The season of passing comes upon me like some dead animal, twitching its last breath for one last taste of life. This makes me realize that I have grown too fond of my loneliness and I have no way out. Time has forgotten the one thing that could save its life and provide a purpose to all we hold true and fair. This is my life, my soul. These piano chords have become the life for which I will give my soul. My wishes are too much for life to grant me.
As long as my song skips and rattles along the curving road of destiny, I am stuck with an image of you that only the devil could conjure. You haunt my every move, even when I am totally prone to my surroundings and it compels the shadows to pick at my mind. I am taken over by a hunger for life and a need to experience what god has taken from me. The laws of nature provoke me into testing the limits of my world, my cage. Trapped, I continue towards a light that is too far away. The piano plays in the background of my heart and provides a curtain for a play with no ending. I write from the deepest part of my being, scratching at the surface of a purpose long since lost. I dream that someday I will be able to escape my mind, and myself but I know that the tidal wave that is life will come crashing down on me. I have no way to stop life and its torturous ways.
I would show you just what this is like, but the impact would be too devastating on your feeble uncontrolled mind. The hurt and shame would crush your soul. Too much pain can kill someone. I’m surprised that I have made it this far, but I don’t know how much time I have left. Too many emotions can put a person through such hurt, so much heartache that their soul will be torn and pushed around until it finally collapses in on itself. Their body is then left, a rotting dead corpse. This isn’t the choice of the person. No one wants to die like this. People are just so ruthless, so harsh; they can kill souls without even knowing it. Out of every aspect of life, this is the one that has influenced my decision the most. I hate the people that are blind to their actions as much as I hate the devil himself.
You came to the day that I was on my way down. Down to the darkness of a world that no eyes had ever seen. I found a last bit of strength in myself to show you just what you had done to the world and I had just enough time to kiss you one last time at the top of the cliff. You begged me not to go, but I was already gone, lost within myself. I uttered one thing as I floated toward my undeniable fate; I am to join my rightful place among the eastern lights. With this, I left you a poem addressed for your eyes only, for you to share to the world.


Lights

The lights spread across the eastern sky telling tales of repetition and loneliness. Black and Blue fading into the nothingness. Everlasting like the souls of our lost brothers. Alone in silence, nothing to give, nothing to get. Forever in their dance across the eastern sky. Never winning their eternal race with the undying cosmos. Lives, which were great, now lost forever. Their souls show us the misery that life brings. Crossing, forever waltzing, across the eastern sky. Broken hearts line the stars like Christmas lights. Twinkling with their brilliance that only the true of heart can conceive. People with their hatred and disease continue to darken the once beautiful lights. The lights that continuously race across the eastern sky. Every night she dreams of him, and his ways. How one thing can change the universe forever. She screams a never-ending scream, that only god himself could hear. Unbothered, the lights continue across the eastern sky. We try so hard to achieve what we do not deserve. In turn, do we even deserve life? The chaos that we face, we have created. The Lights shun us; they are home in their eastern sky.