how to be write a gundam wing fanfic|
One one of many many long, meandering searches throughout the Internet for the complete .:seimaden:. translations, I came across a nifty site called "asctheticism", which, after I found what I was looking for and left, only to come back again for the link, I realised was a site devoted to yaoi (male/male pairing and all that jazz).
I, being my damn loveable self, found this amazingly amusing. Gay men in manga, of all places? I mean, I'd expect to find this kind of stuff in P-town...
Anyways, they linked to a fanfiction section. I hate fanfiction. It's stupid. If you're going to write, invent your own characters. If you really want to write about them, keep them in character, but no one listens to me.... So I figured this would be good for a laugh, at least.
And so I found myself at a website hosting all these things. I opened up one of the fanfics, and began to read, laughing whenever something particuarly funny happened, like after every half-assed failed scheme that Duo laid out for Heero just to get him into bed or something. Then... I realised exactly WHY they call those things "lemons". My face drained of color. My stomach, already in unbearable pain because of ulcers, heaved. I almost died, but this was remedied by the pressing of the "back" button on the browser, and went back to the listing in an attempt to find something equally as funny, but without the editorial on the many thousands of names the Japanese have come up for the word "asshole" in the heat of passion.
To my dismay, not one of the fics on that page could do that. But, during my nightlong exploration of this genre of cheap seduction (along with the trashbasket nearby in case the nausea of the ulcers compounded with anything particularly pornographic became to much for me), I picked up many pointers for myself, if I ever want to jpoin the rest of the masses in the prostitution of the Gunm pilots.
.:backiness:. .:homeward bound:.
the excitement is killing me, kiddies.
~~First of all, you *always* pair Heero and Duo, Quatre and Trowa, and Wufei with Trieze.This rule must *never* be broken, because someone could kill you. It's that serious, folks.|
~~This is especially important if you're characterising Duo: Duo is always portrayed as a slut, ready and willing to spread for anything he sees. Also, he has to have been sexualised way too early (eight or nine, we're talking), and be interested only in men. No chicks for this guy. He likes the rough stuff.
~~Duo is always on bottom. And, Heero has to rape him at least once in the course of the story. If he doesn't, you've just violated the most important rule of fanfic writing, like, EVER, obviously.
~~Quatre HAS to be portrayed as all innocent and stuff, just 'cause he's blonde, and an Arabia prince, and plays the violin. Sometimes, writers of this crap have him get all into bondage. It's actually quite funny... S&M Quatre. Not something I thought I'd ever see.
~~Everyone's hormones are going all of the time. It doesn't matter where they are, who they're with, or if they're drunk or not, or how many times they've already "done it" in the course of the story, they'll do it again.
~~"Member". Why is it there? And why does it disgust me so?
~~IN the heat of passion, the author must use sterile terms to refer to... bodily parts... or else they get really explicit and you begin to find yourself thinking "What the fuck is happening here?"
~~Some people do have this nastly little habit of threading songs throughout the fanfic. I don't know why they do it. But they do.