 | alan cumming I don't know a star today who kicks as much ass as Alan Cumming. He's cool, he posed nude for the cover of Out magazine, and he looks good in makeup. (Mmm... men in makeup...) So far, I've only seen him in one movie... Plunkett and McClaine. I keep making excuses and stuff as to why I haven't seen anything else, Titus especially, but the fact is that I'm too damn lazy to walk to the video store and have no money 'cause I spend it all on narcotics anyways. Even though his Plunkett character isn't a major one... nor close to being one... he kicks ass. This is where he wears the this over the top, almost eighties-overkill makeup, and he gets the best line I've ever heard ever... (Robert Carlyle) "Still swinging both ways, I see." (Alan) "I swing every way." Does that not kick enough ass for you? If not, Alan's been in a long running show of Cabaret, which is really cool because he gets to walk around in basically a g-string and lots of makeup. Something about nearly nude men... Anyways, he got a Tony Award for being obnoxiously loud and slapping lots of showgirl's asses. I am convinced that the Tony Award people just wanted to tie him up and rape him, 'cause that's exactly what I'd do. Even when Alan's not wearing makeup, he's pretty. He's got adorable floppy hair and glasses! he looks so sweet and innocent, you just know he's gay or something, although I heard he's been married for eight years. But what straight person poses NUDE, alright, nude meaning no clothing at all, for Out? And what self-respecting straight person says "I swing every way," so saucilt like they actually mean it or something? Well, yeah, he was playing a part, but I can dream, can't I? I guess I just suffer from the typical female disorder where you absolutely love all gay men, even if they're dickheads or something. Can I help it? Nooo. I'm a chick. Therefore, I lust after gay men. And because I lust after Alan so intensely, he must be gay. .:back:. .:home:. |
