= More Quotes =

~ QUOTES FROM THE URETHRA CHRONICLES ~

Tom:"As you can see, a fire came through here and burnt off alot of the shrubbery. A lot of animals were left without their homes. But sometimes you can see the natural wildlife come sprinting through the area, and.. Oh wait! There's one now!" *shows mark running through a field in his underwear, spanking himself* "Oh, Must be mating season!"

Tom: "I really enjoy getting make-up and my butt worked on. what I do normally before any photo shoot is I get my butt spackled, shaved, waxed, massaged, and buffed. Once my butt is done, we go ahead and take out normally about 3 or 4 lense and hook them up and try to get the craziest close up we can>"

Tom: "We hear in the Philippenes, when a baby is crying, you suck on his penis to make him be quite. So I guess that makes me Filipino. It works for me, too.. If I'm crying, just suck on my penis.." Mark: "Okay Tom! Shut the Fuck up!"

Tom: "I have a canker sore, and it got bigger, So I asked Dr Bruce.. y'know.. to help me out on what he thinks it might be. We're hoping it's not something.. Creepy.." Mark: "However, the prognosis of his canker sore is pretty much the same as the prognosis of Tom's penis- It's not the biggest one Dr Bruce has ever seen, but it's the placement of it that bothers him" *Dr is looking in Tom's mouth* Someone in the background: "What the Hell's in your nose?!" Travis: "Any chance of that being gonnarhea of the throat?"

Tom: "I started the band about almost 8 years ago in 93 or 92, and basically I want you to know that I'm resposible for anything good that the band has to offer."

Tom: "I'm probably the sexiest and the best in bed, even if I'm by myself in bed. I love to masturbate, I just love giving myself orgasms. I love to deliver orgasms to the masses."

Tom: "I like chocolate fudge on a brownie with vanilla ice cream, smeared all over my nuts, my nuts taste better with fudge."

Tom: "Please don't throw up your dirty toilet paper, I'm not hungry."

Mark: "I see my job in the band as basically to be on stage as the village idiot, to act like a jackass, and to make a total fool out of myself whenever possible."

Mark: "Luke, I am your father Luke, kiss me."

Tom: Kay, This is normal celery, but watch what happens when you take it out here.....*throws the celery out the window* Heyyyy! *crowd cheering* They're all vegetarians!!!

Mark: "I had a little problem with my hand and the inside of my thigh, getting a little hot and bother and ya know, sometimes people like to be spanked, ya know, ah, whatever, but uh, I ended up doing this to myself." (shows red hand print on inner thigh)

Mark: "Alotta people call me da pokey pine, cause I'm da pokey pine of all da fellies, I go clubbin every single night, I don't give a FUCK cause I'm da pokey pine, club boy, clubbin everynight, New York, LA, London, Tokyo, everywhere."

Tom: "I'm not gay, alot of people think I'm gay. (I'm totally gay!!!!!)

Mark: "It's Travis' sweat cause we fuck in the butt. Travis fucked me in the butt, and I sweated so much, that I came" (Don't let this man fuck you in the butt)

Travis: "Who's beer is this?"

Mark: "Hey castro, where's your girlfriend?" Travis: "I dunno, another quelode? she'll be back."

Mark: "We're in Tokyo, Disneyland, Cinderella's castle, get a shot of the castle you bastard! Rick: "I am you moron!" (Tom steps in)Rick: "Get out of the way" Tom: "Its raining, its really cold, this is the most boring place on earth.." Rick: "Get out of the way!"

Mark: "I've been having this recurring dream that Joe Currin comes to me while I'm taking a shower, and he steps in behind me and starts lathering up my back. and at first, I'm like hey, its another guy, but then ya know, in my dreams I'm like, hey, its not so bad. So then the next I know I wake up in cold sweat and the sheets are stickin to me."

Tom: "And I model alot of enemas. I model enema bags. And today we're modeling one for the album cover cause we might call it enema.....of the state. hey thats a good one! hey mark! lets call the album enema of the state!"

Mark: "Tom! Show the black-eyed peas how we dance!"

Mark: "Watch out for those huge columns of styrofoam" Tom: "Yeah, I usually stuff those things down my pants, makes it look bigger."

Mark: "It's a great body surfing-body boarding beach, but it has huge waves going right into the dirt and all the guys are getting slammed in their faces, so I'll be out there in a minute or five."

Mark: "Alright, if I had to sleep with a man, it would be Harrisson Ford, alright?"

Mark: "Look at me... look at me... I need the attention, oooh I'm punk rock I got some tatoos, I got some piercings. If I'm gonna get some piercings then I want everyone to see it...I don't need to advertise my punkness. A real punk doesn't need to show off...Its like a Karate man... the Karate man bleed on the inside. A real punk is punk on the inside."

Travis: "Are you saying you didn't never dyed your hair? Mr. Purplehair? "I wanna get a big sailor ship from my wrist to my tittie" two months ago!" Mark: "ok, forget him, alright?"

Tom: Travis is the new drummer for the band. He has alot of tatoos, and if you turn around you can catch 'um right now! Uh.. no.. other way... there ya go.. Guy with Camera: Why don't you explain these for us. Tom: Well, the one on the back says hope- I hope I can get laid by a guy.. Can I say- I'm gay. His ghettoblaster is always playing homosexual music.. (two band names.. forgot which ones) and the bird on his right arm symbolized a man.. swooshing through the clouds, coming to sleep with him.

Tom: "I don't know why I am in this band, I am the only guy that likes girls. I am the only one that believes that guys and girls should be together and that babies should be made the penis vagina way. The old way. These guys are trying to create some weird wacky, maybe the penis in the butt will get a kid, I don't know.Ii don't think that works" Mark: " What?" Tom: " No, don't come here and try to act like your heterosexual!"

~ MARK'S QUOTES ~

"Try not, do or do not, there is no try....uh... ya know..thats pretty much my motto, I'd rather die in flaming glory than just get by on mediocrity"

"Lets here it for blow jobs everyone!"

"We are not a stars. We are all just dorks in a band."

"We want people to take care of there butts, because we have to make sure there clean."

"Disney movies are fuckin bitching!"

"This song is about me, its called "Sexy, sexy, sexy". Tom: "Its called loser that couldn't get laid in a woman's prison with a carton of cigarettes!"

"But you're so beautiful.....TO TRAVIS!"

"I'm not here to be treated like this people!"

"Tell me why..ain't..nothin but a heart..break.. ache? Laaa lalalalala lala laa "

"We are not a stars. We are all just dorks in a band"

"I do not have a girlfriend, I have a dog."

"We play poopy poppy punk like stuff"

"I think age is just a stupid number."

"We want people to take care of there butts, because we have to make sure there clean."

"Our favorite thinkgs in the world are pee-pee and doo-doo."

"They always want to see how big our penises are."

"I had the um...creme broule and the um...the chicken nachos" TOM- "And the waiter that delivered it."

"It takes like an hour to get in anywhere to eat." TOM- "Not me, they just don't like you, I get in in 20 minutes." CARSON- "Well maybe you should ask Tom to come along?" MARK- "I'd rather eat alone."

"This is just how i do it my man...n'alright."

"He's very good at masturbating.. he has the perfect tool"

"Shit, I'm bleeding, haha, get me a band-aid!"

"For me, sex with a girl is a race to orgasm, and I am undefeated."

~ TOM'S QUOTES ~

ME- "Tom, you're the shit!!" TOM- "I know :-)"

"Danny's my friend, I don't want him to get hurt, he comes over my house and we make jokes together."

"Oh do I have a song for you cats here!"

"If you so much as fart, you're all toast!"

"Tony Hawk, the greatest skateboarder that ever lived and probably ever will. I heard he's retiring, which I think is a bunch of bullshit! Cuz who's gonna do all them gnarly tricks that...I can't...do."

"Buurrrppp!! Ahh,I've been saving that one for days."

"I just wanna say that mark looks great in that white suit."

"I haven't grown up at all since I was a freshmen in high school, and neither has my penis."

"We take our music very seriously."

"We don't want to act like adults. Anybody who can stay in a state of adolescence will be much better off later on. Look at people who are working nine-to-five jobs out of college, and look at professional skateboarders or guys in punk bands. See who's having more fun."

"This type of music has a limited time span so we have to evolve and do the best we can now."

"Our take on punk is really just fun: it's fun to offend people and do what we want to. But it isn't that offensive. We make music for ourselves and everybody else who gets it. It's a lifestyle scene. If you don't get it you don't have to listen."

"And as for signing to a bigger label .... well I'd like to make a lot of money and fuck credibility. If I did it doesn't make me any different. Just richer."

"This is a scene and the bands that have been in it a long time deserve the breaks. Doesn't mean they've changed. We haven't. We're still writing songs about girls."

"I study that stuff, man," he says. "UFOs ... I'll tell you that I think in the next year the US government is going to come out and admit that aliens have visited Earth. The reason I think that is that I listen to this radio show at home which deals with all this stuff."

"Oh..those guys are big, I bet their mad, huh?"

"Uh...thats not me...oh I just needed more aerodynamics and what I had wasn't cuttin it."

"I think ahhmm a good dancer!" Mark- "Show em Tom!"

"If you can't get laid tonight, I swear to god, you are such a loser."

"This song thouroughly encourages masturbation throughout the world! Let's hear it for jerkin off!"

"Uh..we're not muscicians..at all, yeah, they're real hard songs to play, let me tell you that, hey can we put f*ck in your songs?"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID!!!"

"Aww how cute alright :)"

"Why is she naked? Someone quick put a shirt on her. Shes ugly!!!"

"Mark is ugly, travis is ugly, they have no friends, I'm, I'm pretty much the only cool guy in the band."

"I haven't grown up at all since I was a freshmen in high school, and neither has my penis."

"Do I look feminine when I stand like this?"

"Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable."

"After asked about getting spit on in concert he told someone - "Usually I'm too drunk to really care about it. Sometimes I'll look at my shirt and see a bunch of loogies and get all grossed out, but it's all in the name of fun."

"Some people think we're idiots and perverts, which we are."

( On what they'll be doing after New Years ): "Mark will be going to Hell, and I will be going to Heaven."

~ TRAVIS'S QUOTES ~

"I'm redtogomyman!"

"Everything is beautiful in this band. Its much simpler than the nine piece I was in before."

"We are just a silly little punk band."

Travis: ( About his shoes ) My friend Rosie owns this company, they're called Sha Sha. Let me show you what they have here...in case you do anything different...there's a little storage spot under the sole, if you wanna sneek a little something in to a club, store a key, whatever the case is...change...etc... ( thats why he wears those shoes all the time! That's also why they always seem high! Trav knows how ta sneek shit in! )

"The only thing I've lost by becoming famous is my virginity."

~ OTHER QUOTES!

Mark: Get out the scissors and get in place! Ready, now start choppin! Tom: Okay! Someone come and spot me, this thing is heavy! Mark: Now heave it on down there! *thumping noise* Tom: *high pitched voice* Okay, it's all the way down there!! Mark: Ah! Who taught you how ta throw the dick down tha stairs?! ~ Off the end of Chessy Cat

"Me and my friends use to play a rad game called pooh dollar, Do you guys ever play that?"-Tom "Pooh Dollar, I've never played that one."-Rick "Ya, you put actual feces into a dollar bill and throw it on the ground, and people pick it up and get pooh all over their hands. It's funny."-Mark

"There's something about those burritos; you can't get enough of them."-Tom

"Girls are so gnarly!"-Tom

"Are we gonna play a song now?"-Mark "I think I wanna get laid!"-Tom "Amen brother." -Mark

"Why is it, Tom fucks donkies?"-Mark

"Who here thinks I'm the sexiest man you've ever seen?" - Mark

"The guy here says that if we get close enough together it will look like were kissing on the screen." - Tom

"This show only cost $8, that means you could have gotten a blowjob from his mom 8 times over." - Tom

"This reminds me of the time we were at that water park and this 60 year old man comes flying down a slide and he was going so fast his pants flew off. I just stood there and stared at his big beautiful hairy balls!"-Mark "Oh geeze, I wanted to lick 'em."-Tom

"You know we have this little things in our ears to hear the music and stuff, and I have this guy telling me I am a hot, sexy, masculine man. So you know if I mess up the concert it's not my fault!"-Tom

"To most people, this is a normal bra, but now, it transforms me into a fly! Bzz Bzz!"-Tom

"Please take Tom's vioce out of my ear. He's driving me crazy."-Mark "Yeah, take my voice out, Marks just gonna copy everything I say."-Tom "Tom, you are on talk restriction. Remember what we talked about before the show?"-Mark

"If you so much as fart, you're all toast!"-Tom

"I just wanna say that Mark looks great in that white suit."-Tom

"Everyone..TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!"-Tom

"We know it's all gonna be gone sometime. I mean the reality is Mark and Travis will not be recognized for their art, in like a year or two. And I will stick around and do like some guitar solo videos that will probably sell, like multi-billions."-Tom

"Fuck everybody and everything. I hope everyone catches gonorrhea and dies."-Mark Hoppus

"How'd you guys initially hook up?"-DJ. "Soft, sweet kisses to the lips. My hand slipped down his shirt. His pants got tighter around his penis. The second time was different. I started by kissing his ear."-Tom Delonge

"I can fart twenty-one times - let me put it that way."-Mark Hoppus

"We thought he was gonna kill us and eat our body parts but it turns out we're just gonna eat his!"~Tom

"I love aliens! If I was abducted, the first thing I'd say is 'Don't probe my butt, I'll tell you what I ate for dinner.' I'd shake their hand. And they'd say, 'This is how we do it on our planet', and they'd probe me and I'd say, "It's not that bad', and we'd start probing each other. Then I'd come back down to earth and start probing everybody. I'd get beaten up a few times, but I'd make some new friends."-Tom

"One where I'd be the only guy with shitloads of girls. I'd have lots of money and all they'd want would be to please me sexually."-Tom on which planet he would want to be taken to.

"We're proud to be wankers. We don't care. It really, really doesn't matter what we are, just buy the record. That's really what's important here. The importance of the photo shoot and interview is just for kids to go out and buy our record. Make us a dollar so we can go and pay for our prostitutes and our drugs. The prostitutes are all disabled and the drugs are hormone treatments for us to become women."-Tom

"I should put vibrators in my butt and you can take pictures of that."-Tom at the Hustler

"I got caught watching TV one time when my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. As a guy, there's nothing better than getting a blow job and being able to watch a rad TV show at the same time. Maybe the best thing would be if you had a plate of your favorite food next to you as well. I'd be eating Mexican food, getting a blowjob and watching a good movie like 'The Empire Strikes Back'."-Tom

"In southern California, mom jokes are always the worst thing to do with your friend. You go, 'I fucked your mom last night,' so we've just taken it to a different level. We say we fucked our own moms. It's mom joke hara-kiri. You do it to yourself. It's a sacrifice you make for a laugh."-Tom

"It's not so much offending people as making them feel ultra-uncomfortable. Just because you're acting in a certain way or saying something they're not used to hearing."-Tom

"It's not that we lie. We just change the truth to make a better story. Because the correct answers to all your questions are boring."-Tom

"My dog loves it when I put peanut butter on my body. If you put peanut butter on the roof of a dog's mouth, it'll try and lick it out. So if you put peanut butter on the roof of your own mouth, he'll do the same thing. You should try it. It's my own little game I made up."-Tom DeLonge on his relationship with his dog

"I guess that's more of a skit about writing a song. Mark and I are trying to figure out a melody and it sounds like two artists coming up with a ballad, it's really slow and pretty, and then we burst out in 'I Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass'. Ha ha ha ha! It's pretty funny." Tom on 'I wanna fuck a dog in the ass'."

There's all these boy bands out there, like the Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees and um and uh and ug I don't even wanna I don't know their all so bad and I uh I really it hurts me, I've cried and I've I've pooped my pants and like I don't know like why people likes these bands so much.. They don't write any of their own music and all they actually sit in conference rooms and figure out how to answer interview questions like the ones you guys are asking me um like so they can be prepared and they choreograph their dancing and they choreograph the sex they have with each other after the shows you know? Um and I've just I don't know but all power to them cause they are making way more money then I am and selling more records so obviously people like it and um I'm not gonna down on em.-Tom

As long as you pay us a lot of money we'll wear anything. You know I'll wear naked guys all over my shirt if that if I'm getting paid by the naked dude association. You know it doesn't matter. As long as I'm getting money I don't care I really don't I just want money.-Tom

In American Pie we were featured as incredibly sexy guys. They, they went out and did this huge sexy guy search across the world and they found me. And uh I said well hey I got this band if you guys want the band to be apart of it, they were all I guess if that's the only way we could have you and I'm all cool all right and so we did that.-Tom

It's so obvious that I have the most masculine uh attributes. I mean uh the other two guys I mean if feminty was a sport they would ha have a gold medal. I mean I don't know why Travis and Mark are so feminen. I mean all it is "When can I where a dress?" and "I wanna paint my house pink" and stuff but uh by far I think that I am the only one who resembles something like that of Conan. You can call me Conan-Tom

Musically Speaking-Uh our new record is called Enema Of The state. So uh in terms we hired a beautiful actress of the adult film industry, and we got her dressed in uh beautiful little nurses outfit and its as though she is getting ready to administer enemas to the band. And we are all sitting around in our underwear and its a little hos-(stumbles) hospital room set and uh um uh I don't know if you've ever had an enema its uh it diffenitly brought my family a lot closer together we are hoping uh it'll help are band be a lot closer as well you know um yeah. ~Tom

Let me hear Mark's gay!...Let me hear Mark has herpes!..Let me hear Tom's good in bed!"-Tom

Maybe I do want to become a woman. So what is the crime in that?!-Tom

Travis wears Victoria's Secert vanilla perfume. He is seriously the best smelling dude in the band. Tom and I used to make fun of him 'cause he always burns candles and incense, but we stopped because we realized we liked the scent-Mark

"I gotta go on record here and say that school just sucks!"-Mark

"It's all about shock value, just for fun. Not like Marilyn Manson, he's a different shock value. We're like Marilyn Manson with wieners and farts. Why? Because it's funny. Poops are funny, farts are funny, wieners are funny, vaginas are funny. We're just the way God made us. I don't have to justify my bent, ugly, horribly disfigured penis to anybody."-Mark

The new Jewl song where the video she's walking through like houses on fire and she's saving babies or something like that, honesty like I hear that song and I totally get all choked up I'm like "This song's such a beautiful song" and uh I went out and I bought the CD and I brought it into the guys to play in the studio and I'm all "This is something totally different it might not be your vibe at all but I totally think this is an awsome awesome song" and I put it on and they just look at each other and started laughing at me. But I, I totally back that song up. I think it's a good song-Mark Hoppus

I won't lie to you being in a band has diffenitly gotten me with a lot more women. I'm not, I' not a sexual whore I don't have sex with girls I'm not in love with. Uh I've been know to the occasional par-ty to the uh the occasional hookup like what not and what have you.-Mark Hoppus

My mom hates that title the other she told me the other day "uh your grandma keeps asking what's the name of your new record but I won't tell her."-Mark Hoppus

If your like me you like to wait till your parents are having sex and walk in on them and act like its an accident and then ask if you can join in.-Mark

"We have lots of (sex) games. There's gay chicken. And there's one called gay prison where Toms always the new guy"-Mark

"In four months,I'm becoming a girl" Mark

"When I get drunk I call my dad and say: Dad, what are you wearing?"-Mark

"My favorite is Lucky Charms"~Travis

"Tom and Mark have all the small things, I have all the big things."-Travis

The other albums were good but they were a bit repetitive like I would get mixed up like when I had to learn them I had to learn them in a couple of hours when I was filling in like six of the songs sounded exactly alike. This one I don't think will have that problem, there's a lot of variety on there like uh a lot more songs like well written songs you know?-Travis Barker

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to like play drums professionally, like I was kinda pushed on it by my mom, my mom made me play so it was kinda like my dream but I wanted to be a professionally skater but I kept hurting myself. It got to the point were I could function anymore like if I kept on skateboarding uh this is diffenitly what I want to do and hopefully it'll keep going on from here you know?-Travis Barker

"How did we meet? Travis and I were having anal sex in a bathhouse and Tom walked in and asked if he could join in."-Mark "No, I walked in and pulled the fire alarm."-Tom "Tom pulled the fire alarm and Travis and I ran out. You know how dogs have sex and can't get disconnected? The penis swells inside the victim? Well, Travis took off and I was stuck in him."-Mark "Come on, we need a better story than that.We all met skydiving. Mark's chute couldn't open, so I flew up to him and kicked him in the nuts hoping it would mess him up so he couldn't open his chute. Well, he figured it out and on the ground he came up and wanted to fight, but once he realized he was gonna get his ass kicked Travis showed up and backed him up and then I just kicked both their asses."-Tom "I like the anal sex one better."-Mark "How about skydiving during anal sex?"-Tom

"My family is very religious and conservative. My mom does not like to brag about what we say onstage. She saw a show and when you open up with 10 minutes of cussing and talking about how good your mom is in bed, it's not a good thing. Mark was talking about how his mom gives great blowjobs and his mom was there going, 'Yaaay!' She thinks it's funny. But afterwards my mom walks in and says, 'I have never heard a person with such a foul mouth in my entire life,' and then just goes..."-Tom "FUCK you!" -Mark. "FUCK you, you FUCKING bastard,' and she kicked me in the nuts. She said, 'Even though I am proud of you, I just can't listen to those things you say,' and then I threw a bottle at her head and shouted 'FUCK it!'"-Tom

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~ MORE QUOTES ~