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Issue #1 of the Ten Times Ten E-zine


In this issue:

1)Brandon's Filthy Smut Corner

2)Words of Wisdom and Inspiration

3)Robbie Rockit's Online Soapbox

4)Mad Libs For the Whole Punk Family

5)Mike's Music Review

6)Fanmail/Hatemail


WARNING:The following story is for mature audiences, but as long as you don't get caught, you can read it too!!

It was the day before my birthday(Dec. 17th), and we were on our way out to our studio to get drunk and maybe practice a little...Matt being the broke-ass son of a bitch that he is, was pretty hard-up for cigarettes, and apparently Robbie was just hard-up for some lovin'...what started as a joke soon became scary as Matt contemplated a bet that he and i made for ten dollars...all he had to do was wrap his lips around Robbie's meaty manhood, and the ten dollar bill would be his...TEN DOLLARS...not worth it you say?...that's what i said, but Matt begged to differ(among other things)...the entire fifteen minute trip to the studio was spent in extreme anticipation of Matt making or losing ten dollars...In the end, he didn't get the ten bucks, but i still think something's wrong with a guy who would even consider giving his friend head for a couple packs of cigarettes and a 40oz...

Brandon


Words of Wisdom and Inspiration

This is an actual negative from a series of photos taken at the birth of baby jesus...


Have you ever thought about the true meaning of Christmas? The miraculous birth of our lord and savior? Me either...but i like BEER, so here's a few holiday tips to insure a happy, healthy, Christmas '99!!!

1)Get as drunk as possible as often as possible-the only way to be truly happy is to be passed out!

2) Avoid ridiculously large social gatherings-shit gets broken, people get punched...it's just not worth it!

3)Try to at least pretend you're sober should the police be an obstacle to your holiday fun-honesty is great, but not when it involves the cops-especially when the honest thing to say is, "Damn, Officer! I'm hammered!"

4)and finally, Don't be a scrooge-nobody likes a Christmas Cocksucker, so be nice, even if you can't stand your own reflection!

MERRY MOTHERFUCKIN' CHRISTMAS, PUNX!!!

Robbie Rockit's Online Soapbox

The following column is an editorial-type column from Robbie Rockit. It does not necessarily reflect the entire band's opinion, but Robbie's pretty smart, so it damn well might!

Robbie is also very lazy, so we must apologize for the missing section of the e-zine...not a very good start, i know...


Mad Libs for the Whole Punk Family

Here's this month's crazy mad lib...Enjoy!!!

I may be --ADJECTIVE-- and have --NOUN-- hanging out of my --NOUN--, but I'm --ADJECTIVE--, so --VERB-- you!!!


Mike D's Music Review

Mike is known for listening to bands no one has ever heard of- as well as unrelentlessly pushing these bands on his friends. This week's review- NO KNIFE- fire in the city of automatons.

This was by far the BEST album released in 1999. No Knife is an amazing Indie rock foursome from San Diego. This band is so amazingly tight it's obnoxious. When I first popped this album in I thought "oh my god, an indie rock Frank Zappa" so if you like (or at least appreciate Zappa) and you like rock and roll…..then this album will kick your ass……it's not that whiny emo stuff either…..it just a 45 minute series of constant time changes and guitars making weird melodic noises. The only complaints I have ever heard about this band from people I have forced it on are the vocals…..a lot of people compare the vocals to a grown up Billie Joe Armstrong…..and I guess I can kind of see the relation. But this isnt snotty punk rock…… P.S. the rhythm section is amazing together…….on many of the tracks they hold down the song while the guitars go off on their pseudo psychedelic ramblings before everything comes back together into distorted barchord cock rock.

STANDOUT TRACKS- 1) track one- academy fight song- this is the first song on the album, and your first impression of the album….and it really gives you a good hint of what is to come on the rest of the album. This track kind of sets up the impression that they have really grown musically from their last album HIT MAN DREAMS. HIT MAN DREAMS is great on it's own, but the whole album sticks to a kind of formula, and academy fight song slaps you in the face to let you know that they have dramatically expanded on the formula for this album. 2) Track four- heavy weather- this track is very reminicent of another San Diego band - Drive Like Joho- (who's drummer, Mark Trombino, prodced No Knife's first two albums) all instruments are kind of off doing their own thing, but somehow….it works…. 3) Track eight- angel bomb- Oh My Lord, This song is worth the price of the album alone- so no matter what….even if you don't like any kind of music, do your self a favor and at least check out this song (you may be able to go to: www.cdnow.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, etc and listen to it online) I saw them play this one live when I saw them at the Glass House in Pomona Ca. This summer (which by the way is by far the best sounding venue in the L.A. area. ) I was totally transfixed on the band as they pulled off the one song on the album I thought there was no way to play correctly live. It sounded better than the cd (and I was sober) 4) Track eleven- Mission Control- another indie rock masterpiece- this song is just badass…ive run out of stupid worn out cliches to use in my reviews, but trust me this song is great. BONG RATING- 8 ½ (for those of you who choose to partake of the herb- which I do not condone by the way….but hey…I was in Boy Scouts once…..anyway…ranked 1 to 10. 1 means…..dont smoke and listen to this album because it will bring you down, man…..10 means that this album is best heard with the headphones on and a bong in hand)


Fanmail/Hatemail

Amazingly the only letters we've recently recieved have been good ones...Keep those letters coming and we'll be happy to put them on if they are suitable for a punk rock zine...

Letter #1

hey its me emily i saw yall at yuppiefest saturday and i met robbie anyways point being i just wanted to say hey and that i really liked yall alot, i would like to see yall play again but i havent seen when yall would be back this way...let me know when youll be in town thanx..luv emmie

Letter #2

Dear MP3.com Artist:

It is of the opinion of MP3.com that the composition(s) listed herein features profane or vulgar language or "Adult Content" in one or more of the following catagories:

Song Title & Lyrics (Nameless(fuck you))

Please be advised that the song(s) is/are currently on hold and you have the choice to either leave the material as it is and move it to an Adult Area ,ie: Adult Alternative, Adult Comedy Lounge, Adult Country Themes, Hardcore Rap, Adult Music World (Jazz, R&B) or Adult Arena (Pop and Rock), or you may edit the material and resubmit it to the original genre in which it was intended to be in.

Please advise us via e-mail after you have either edited the material or moved it into and Adult Area so we can be sure to get the tracks approved in their proper genre.

This is not a censorship.


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