1. Eating fast food 2. Flinging food at your foes 3. Poking dead animals 4. Making music 5. Dialing the phone 6. Holding things 7. Bookmark 8. Paperweight 9. Spork people 10. Scratch your ass 11. Scratch other people's ass 12. Pick your nose (for the large nostrils) 13. Scoop manure 14. Eat ice cream and then Mexican pizza without changing utensils 15. Poke people in the eye 16. Hurl them at people in the mall 17. Break them to hear the noise 18. Hide them on people's seats so they sit on them 19. Comb your pubic hair 20. Use them as dumbbells and get buff 21. Pick toe jam 22. Collect spit in them for later use 23. Twirl them like a baton 24. Chew on them to alleviate stress 25. Get durable ones and cook heroine in them 26. Put them in baked potatoes and recreate the scene from Benny and Joon 27. Use them in the process of in vitro fertilization 28. Or birth control.....ewwww. 29. Use it to hold your sperm donations until needed 30. Use the points for accupuncture treatments 31. Replace the bottle in "Spin the Bottle" 32. Attack others with them while on psychadelic drugs 33. Steal them 34. Wash them 35. Collect them 36. Make mud pies 37. Make mookie pies 38. Use them while casting spells to call the corners 39. Use them to cause harm to your ex's voodoo doll 40. Incorporate them into your feminine hygiene routine 41. Have famous local janitors autograph them and sell them 42. Put them on ebay 43. Give them to a baby 44. Use them to eat a baby 45. Hide them in Happy Meals 46. Market them as a lice removal system 47. Distribute them at your local trailor park. They will take any hand out they can. 48. Befriend the nice ones 49. Sell the mean ones for crack 50. Market cheap sporks as real designer sporks 51. Juggle them 52. Use 2 as tongs 53. Shag them 54. Order large amounts and have them sent to your enemies 55. Join a spork gang 56. Name your spork 57. Send you spork to college 58. Then to Medical School 59. Have them recalled for mechanical malfunction 60. Contaminate them with whatever germs you have available, then take them to your local Taco Bell 61. Sterilize them 62. Ask your Dr. to use them in your next pap smear 63. Arrange them into letters and leave a threatening message in front of your local Gap store. 64. Dye it bright red 65. Use it to mold clay 66. Put it in the microwave 67. Or the oven 68. Use it as a hair accessory 69. Use the spoon part as pasties and do a strip tease 70. Tape them on the ends of your fingers as extenders 71. Have your barbie dolls leave Ken for their new flame, Spork 72. Then get jealous and date it yourself 73. Get some credit cards for your spork 74. Get an agent for you spork and begin his acting career 75. Use your spork as a hand puppet 76. Dress it up in wee little dresses and have wee little parties 77. Leave it in the fridge so it can tell you what it looks like when the light goes off 78. Consult it before any major decisions 79. Color it like a rainbow 80. Enhance your love life 81. Get rich quick with it. I don't know how, but all the spammers do 82. Use it to eat some spam 83. Scrape your tongue with it 84. Give it your identity and get yourself a new one 85. Use it to make explosives 86. Accost random people with it 87. Make a shrine to Big Bird with a lot of them 88. Name 10 of them and write a soap opera about them 89. Videotape the show 90. Send it to FOX, they will put anything on T.V. 91. Give them as presents 92. Toss them at parades 93. Stick them up your butt and see if you like it 94. Practice making splints, should the need arise. 95. Draw tiny landscapes on the handle 96. Give them away as door prizes at your next get together 97. Choose the prettiest one to mount on your wall 98. Lobby Congress for spork's rights 99. Tell your husband to shove a spork in his ass when he's a dick to you 100. Watch his utter discomfort for hours afterward 101. Use them as eating utensils