1. Eating fast food
2. Flinging food at your foes
3. Poking dead animals
4. Making music
5. Dialing the phone 
6. Holding things
7. Bookmark
8. Paperweight
9. Spork people
10. Scratch your ass
11. Scratch other people's ass
12. Pick your nose (for the large nostrils)
13. Scoop manure
14. Eat ice cream and then Mexican pizza without changing utensils
15. Poke people in the eye
16. Hurl them at people in the mall
17. Break them to hear the noise
18. Hide them on people's seats so they sit on them
19. Comb your pubic hair
20. Use them as dumbbells and get buff
21. Pick toe jam
22. Collect spit in them for later use
23. Twirl them like a baton
24. Chew on them to alleviate stress
25. Get durable ones and cook heroine in them
26. Put them in baked potatoes and recreate the scene from Benny and Joon
27. Use them in the process of in vitro fertilization
28. Or birth control.....ewwww.
29. Use it to hold your sperm donations until needed
30. Use the points for accupuncture treatments
31. Replace the bottle in "Spin the Bottle"
32. Attack others with them while on psychadelic drugs
33. Steal them
34. Wash them
35. Collect them
36. Make mud pies
37. Make mookie pies
38. Use them while casting spells to call the corners
39. Use them to cause harm to your ex's voodoo doll
40. Incorporate them into your feminine hygiene routine
41. Have famous local janitors autograph them and sell them
42. Put them on ebay
43. Give them to a baby
44. Use them to eat a baby
45. Hide them in Happy Meals
46. Market them as a lice removal system
47. Distribute them at your local trailor park.  They will take any hand out they can.
48. Befriend the nice ones
49. Sell the mean ones for crack
50. Market cheap sporks as real designer sporks
51. Juggle them
52. Use 2 as tongs
53. Shag them
54. Order large amounts and have them sent to your enemies
55. Join a spork gang
56. Name your spork
57. Send you spork to college
58. Then to Medical School
59. Have them recalled for mechanical malfunction
60. Contaminate them with whatever germs you have available, 
then take them to your local Taco Bell
61. Sterilize them
62. Ask your Dr. to use them in your next pap smear
63. Arrange them into letters and leave a threatening message in front 
of your local Gap store.
64. Dye it bright red
65. Use it to mold clay 
66. Put it in the microwave
67. Or the oven
68. Use it as a hair accessory
69. Use the spoon part as pasties and do a strip tease
70. Tape them on the ends of your fingers as extenders
71. Have your barbie dolls leave Ken for their new flame, Spork
72. Then get jealous and date it yourself
73. Get some credit cards for your spork
74. Get an agent for you spork and begin his acting career
75. Use your spork as a hand puppet
76. Dress it up in wee little dresses and have wee little parties
77. Leave it in the fridge so it can tell you what it looks like when the light goes off
78. Consult it before any major decisions
79. Color it like a rainbow
80. Enhance your love life
81. Get rich quick with it.  I don't know how, but all the spammers do
82. Use it to eat some spam
83. Scrape your tongue with it
84. Give it your identity and get yourself a new one
85. Use it to make explosives
86. Accost random people with it
87. Make a shrine to Big Bird with a lot of them
88. Name 10 of them and write a soap opera about them
89. Videotape the show
90. Send it to FOX, they will put anything on T.V.
91. Give them as presents
92. Toss them at parades
93. Stick them up your butt and see if you like it
94. Practice making splints, should the need arise.
95. Draw tiny landscapes on the handle
96. Give them away as door prizes at your next get together
97. Choose the prettiest one to mount on your wall
98. Lobby Congress for spork's rights
99. Tell your husband to shove a spork in his ass when he's a dick to you
100. Watch his utter discomfort for hours afterward
101. Use them as eating utensils