performancing the world

.i am you.

.i am within you.

for our performance studies class, my best friend michelle and i did a spoken word piece... our creative writing teacher, who has studied under ginsburg, actually compared us to him and i thought we would die. anyway, we've been revered for this piece and i finally thought i would share it with the world. here it is....btw, M=michelle and R=reecie.

[Background music playing: the "Piano Song" at the end of Bro Hymn Tribute on Pennywise's Full Circle CD]
[Sit facing each other, knees drawn up]
M: So did you hear?
R: Hear what?
M: He left. It’s just us now.
R: I'm not gonna go downtown. WE’RE not going to go downtown.
M: Down.
R: Down.
M: Down.
R: Town.
Both: I'm not gonna go downtown.
M: We’ll leave tonight or we’ll live and die this way.
R: Night. To-night. Stars. Night.
M: Tonight, today
R: Today is the greatest
M: Day I've ever known
R: Can’t live for tomorrow
M: Tomorrow’s much too long
R: Someone once told me.
M: Someone told me, too.
Both: ((LOUD)) To be loved, be loveable.
((Pause, 4 count))
M: He didn’t love me.
R: Yes he did.
M: He left.
R: and he did.
M: If I cut off my ear and mailed it to him
R: Could I call you an artist?
M: Would you call me an artist?
R: Artist.
M: Don’t call me an artist.
R: Do you believe in faeries?
M: I believe in you and me.
((Pause))
[R changes position, begins to stand up, M grabs arm]
M: Don’t leave.
R: Leave?
M: Move, die, disappear, run away. Just don’t leave me.
[R sits back down, now both sitting Indian style and facing each other]
R: No one ever leaves. Don’t let them fool you.
M: Don’t let me fool you.
R: True love is deceiving.
M: It is.
R: Look.
M: Where?
R: Inside. A faery inside, you are, you are.
M: I am.
R: You are.
M: This is only take one, we have so far to go before we rest.
R: Rest, to-night. Night.
M: When are we going downtown?
R: NOT.
M: When?
R: NOT GOING.
((Pause))
M: Stephen Jenkins once told me that he didn’t want to go to London.
R: Cause you aren’t there.
M: Neither is he.
R: You know, Davey Havok once told me he saw a star beneath the stairs.
Both: Glowing through the melting walls.
R: Who will be the first to begin their fall?
M: A Fire Inside is what they have.
R: Like the band?
M: Like the band.
((Pause))
M: The sun is in my eyes.
R: In your heart, it’s in your heart.
M: I said eyes.
R: Then I must be facing the wrong direction.
M: I suppose so.
((Pause))
R: I think I'm falling.
M: Are you?
R: No. But I could be.
M: We are.
R: I know... Don’t hurt me.
M: I won’t, I promise.
((Pause))
R: Paint the city lights away.
M: So we can see the stars.
R: I'm a star.
M: If you’re bound and you’re gagged
R: Draped and displayed
M: Would you still love me anyway?
R: Why don’t you love me anyway?
((Long pause—4 count))
R: Why did he go away?
M: He said this place was wearing him out.
R: Wearing him out?
M: He had to get out.
R: WE have to get out. ((Yelling)) WE HAVE TO GET OUT!!
((Pause))
M: I saw an angel. It was tiny
R: Tiny?
M: With silver wings
R: Silver wings?
M: and a perfect halo.
R: Don’t let them own you.
M: They won’t.
R: ((ANGRY)) Never, never, never!
M: Ever.
R: I wish I could live in a dream.
M: This IS a dream.
R: When the taillights faded away
M: I saw the stars fall from the sky.
R: Did you ever really love him?
M: We chased rainbows from the back of a pick-up truck.
R: Did you find the gold at the end?
M: No, we found each other.
R: Were you ever really there?
M: We were never really anything.
R: You were everything.
M: I know.
((Pause))
R: Let’s run away.
M: To the ocean!
R: We’ll just go and never come back.
M: Like he did?
R: Like he did.
M: And we’ll live off slams and painting sidewalks and caricatures on the board walk!
R: No one can hurt us then, nothing can change us then.
M: And everyone will be dancing.
R: Dancing.
M: But not down town.
((Pause))
R: You’re afraid.
M: Of what?
R: This. Life.
M: I'm not afraid.
R: You don’t know where we’re going, why we’re here, where he went. It scares you to not know.
M: It doesn’t scare me!
R: It does.
M: ((pauses)) I know...
R: I'm not who you want me to be.
M: Beat the system.
R: We’re going to.
((Pause Gets LOUDER))
M: You know we can't leave. I can't leave.
R: The system always wins.
M: Why can't we ever win?
R: They give us a choice then they take it away.
M: ((yelling)) They tell us they’re for us!
R: And then they pull us down.
M: ((softer)) Down.
R: ((softer)) Down.
((Pause))
R: And we can’t leave.
M: He did.
R: We can’t.
M: Probably can.
R: It won’t work. They won’t let us.
M: These people around here wear beaten down eyes
R: Sunk-in smoke dried faces
M: Resigned to what their fate is
R: But not us, no, not us.
M: We are far too young and clever.
R: And things won’t ever change.
M: Why can’t Save Ferris save US?
((Pause))
R: You know I wrote you, I can erase you.
M: I wrote him into me, I can’t write him out.
R: He’s never coming back.... give up
M: I won’t give up
R: He dressed so messed up, his hair was too long
M: But I was changing him all of the time
R: A Misfit is what he was
M: Misfit…miss…missING… missing him is like, is like…
R: Not having anyone to miss.
((Pause))
M: Did you know?
R: Know what?
M: I was born to die.
R: You were born to love him.
M: The second I was born I started dying, we are all dying.
R: We are all falling.
M: I try not to fall.
R: To resist is to spit into the wind.
M: I wont resist if you don’t.
R: Have I ever?
M: Downtown is calling me, to the edge of the river.
R: The water is too cold for you.
M: YOU are too cold for me.
R: I’m not as cold as you think.
M: I’m not who they want me to be. I’m not.
R: We are not.
((Pause 4 counts))
M: You know I’ll always love you. But you still won’t go downtown.
R: Where the lights are a little bit brighter.
M: Where the bights are a bittle lit lighter.
((Pause))
R: I used to think I was stronger.
M: I used to think WE were stronger… I THOUGHT WRONG.
R: ((soft)) You aren’t the only one.
M: ((yelling)) I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST ME!
R: ((quieter)) I thought.
M: ((quieter)) I thought.
R: Am I your anything?
M: Am I YOUR anything?
((Pause))
R: When the sun fades behind the city.
M: It’s called a skyline.
R: ((angry)) What did I say?
M: ((quietly)) City. You said city.
R: The Sky turns lavender
M: Like our hearts.
R: One heart. OUR heart.
M: Our lavender heart.
((Pause))
R: Do you love the city as much as I? Glowing…light pollution.
M: If I close my eyes, I can be twelve again. Living for, living for...
R: Lights, City lights.
M: Like the book store?
R: Like the book store.
M: The time has come, the walrus said…
R: to talk of many things.
M: Of shoes.
R: and ships
M: and ceiling wax.
Both: and cabbages and Kings.
M: And while the sea is boiling hot
R: and whether pigs have wings.
((Pause—4 count))
M: It’s all right to fall apart.
R: Only sometimes.
M: I’m falling apart.
R: and it’s not all right.
M: Then when is sometimes?
R: when the nights get a little... bit...
Both: Longer
M: and the stars stay the same.
((Pause))
R: Less light pollution so we can glow again.
M: Less system so we can live again.
((Pause—4 count))
[M stands up slowly, R stays sitting]
M: ((LOUDLY, R follows along softer)
They’re pulling us down, down, choking us and pushing us back the harder we struggle. But we keep fighting, refusing to let them have us. They’ll hurt us. Take our rights. Manipulate us and turn submission into stupidity. Control us. Take our money, take our lives. Angels take their time in falling. Clap your hands to bring a faery back to life. I believe in faeries. I believe. I believe that there’s a place we can go where morning dew is holy water, where you’ll break or be broken, hurt or be hurt. Serenade each other in overhangs while raindrops are pelting on the roof. Living the impossible dreams while awake. There’s something better for us downtown.
[R stands up slowly, M continues standing]
R:((LOUDLY, M follows along softer))
And as they once taught me to love, they also taught me to hate. The shooting stars and the unholy angels and crystallized time make for an enchanting moment. Silver and burgundy evenings. And we can’t leave. And we can’t get out. And we’ll live and die in this place, fighting for a breath of air, learning to drown because we can’t swim. We don’t know who we are, why we are, even IF we are. All we know is that we MIGHT be, and that’s not good enough. Ginsburg said to be a rock or dust. I say rock star, star, star, political or falling. And we’re not going downtown. To be sucked in, pulled away, rearranged and indifferent. Not going downtown.
((Pause--4 count))
[Both standing, facing each other]
BOTH: Repeat previous passages, start out soft, begin to get simultaneously louder until both yelling, then end on “DOWNTOWN”
((Pause, 4 count))
[Sit back down, facing each other with knees drawn up]
M: So did you hear?
R: Hear what?
M: He left. It’s just us now.

END