Friends leave, and friends go... but they always leave a place in your heart. Their own little spot thats reserved for them, that they get to keep. You can't change the past... but you can build your future. The best friends that I've had in the past have been good, back in that time period at least. They may not be the type of people who are best friend material for me now.. which is why they were my best friends then, and not now. I don't regret being friends with any of them.. it was how I was feeling and the type of person I needed as a best friend at that point in my life. My first best friend, that I can remember... was Meaghan Mackay. We were both 3 years old, I know its kind of hard to have a best friend when you're 3 years old.. because you're always fighting and just playing with the other kids, but thats what we called eachother, and we never faught. Except for this one day, at Pre school.. a new girl came, and she hung around with her and ignored me all day. Other than that.. we've never had a fight. But we'll get back to that later. In the first grade, my best friend was Scott Smith. I just remember a fraction of that grade.. but I remember us hanging out all of the time at lunch and recess. In grade 2, it was Kathryn Theal and Pattie Vernon. I knew Pattie from way back from what our parents tell us.. they were friends of the family. I probably would have stayed best friends with them, if it hadn't been for my school change. I switched from Willway to Millstream, the summer before grade 3. At Millstream.. the trailor park I moved into, I met some really cool people. I met Stephanie, who lived in the trailor across, and over a couple. We weren't in the same class that year, but we were friends outside of school. Behind her in a trailor was Cassie.. and her brother Jesse Poirier. Cassie was a year or so younger, but 2 grades below me, and her brother, was a year or so older.. but only one grade ahead. Why, I became friends with Cassie instead of Jesse, despite the bigger grade difference.. I don't know, it just happened. Inside of school, Victoria Lewis and Ashley MacDonald were my best friends. Victoria lived over on the other side of the school, and so did Ashley from what I remember. I didn't do much stuff with them outside of school... mostly inside of school, and occasionally birthday parties. That summer, Victoria moved to Alberta. I remember the week before the last day of school, she was leaving to go to Germany to visit her family before she moved.. and we hugged goodbye. We started walking away.. and then came back for another hug, it was sad really.. for being only 8, it was pretty cute. That same summer, Stephanie moved away also, but this time only to Sooke. We were only in the 3rd grade, so we weren't as dedicated as friends to keep in touch. The person who moved into her trailor, coincidently, was a girl around the same age. Kerri-Ann Vigar. She was a grade lower, but she was relatively the same age as I was. Cassie and I would circle around on our bikes a few times.. then eventually one day, we went over and asked if she could come out and play. At first, she was extremely shy.. but as time went on, months and soon about a year, it was all good. We all had friends at school, but didn't bring them home often on weekends, and if they came over on school days, they'd leave before dinner time. Which left time, for the 3 of us, plus Kerri-Ann's little brother Kyle, and Cassie's brother Jesse, would play in the trailor park for what seemed like hours, and then go in after dark. It made us feel old, being dark out and all.. but only 7:30, but it was the fall, what can you do, eh? In grade 4, school-wise.. I didn't have many friends at all. I was good friends with Trina Martin, and Breanne Phiefer. They'd come over every day after school, and play Nintendo with me. Donkey Kong at least.. heh, every day. It was at the time, my mom's boyfriends Nintendo. They unfortunatelly were the friends who had to be my friends within the 4 years that I was living with him. As did Victoria, Stephanie... and of course Cassie and Kerri-Ann. In grade 5, 6 and 7.. things took weird turns. I was pretty much friends with Trina throughout grade 5, until a few people.. "popular" people, who liked me.. (a couple of the many people who actually liked me back then) tried to get me into "The Group" (yes I know.. it was pathetic.. but it was also grade 5, what do you expect?) I won't mention any names in this part.. because I don't consider these people very friendly anymore, unlike the other people I've mentioned who I've lost through moving on or moving away, they're still great people I'm sure. These people kind of sucked me into their trap.. they were popular.. cool, well liked.. all those good words, and I thought I could be cool if I was friends with them. At that point "the group" was a serious thing.. with a leader, kind of two.. one who hated me, and one who didn't really care. The one who hated me was away for a day... so I got accepted into their little group for the day, actually.. two days. Everyone acted like they liked me.. it was all good, until she came back.. and I was out again. Fine fine... I continued on being friends with Trina.. and Cassie and Kerri Ann outside of school when Trina couldn't get over to my house. I was getting to know the people in my grade a lot better, because I'd only been there for 2 years and didn't know a lot of people in my grade still, because the past two years I'd been in split classes. But in grade 5, and then the next year in grade 6, it was all of the same people, because there were no splits. By the middle, or closer to the beggining of grade 6, I had become friends with a lot of people that used to hate me. Two of the people who actually dispised me the most became the people I hung around with the most for the next year. I ditched Trina though, which I regreted after a while, after I realized that these people weren't all they were made out to be. At first I thought it'd be cool... and at first it was really cool. The people who had formerly always made fun of me were a little shocked, and let down on it for a while. Later on.. I kind of realized that I wasn't popular. I hung out with the most popular kids in our elementry school, but I wasn't popular. The guys in the group never wanted to date me, and the girls never did stuff with me outside of school, with the acception of the birthday parties I actually got invited to.

In grade 5, during baseball season, I met back up with Meaghan Mackay, my former pre-school friend. We were just friends at first, but by grade 6 we were best friends, and always had sleepovers. So by this point in time, the only things I did outside of school, were sleepovers with Meaghan on weekends, and played around in the trailor park with Cassie and Kerri-Ann. At this point in time, I also had an off and on crush on Cassie's brother Jesse. Ever since I had been friends with Cassie, Jesse and I could tolerate eachother off and on. Somtimes, Jesse would come in and hang out with Cassie and I, not just playing cops and robbers and trying to beat me at a bike race, but actually hang out and play hide and go seek, or other weird things indoors. At one time, 7th grade I think, we were all out in the living room and it was late. We were watching some supposed "scary" movie on tv, and it was pretty cool. Cassie was getting freaked out, so we went back and listened to music in her room. After a while I got bored and went out into the living room to watch the movie with Jesse, and we ended up talking for a few hours. Cassie wasn't too fond of that..

Meanwhile, back at school, it was still pretty fun being in with the popular crowd, after the fact that I wasn't popular myself, sunk in. My birthday party in grade 6, Meaghan came to. I remember sitting on the couch with all my friends, and we kept listening to this one song ("I've got better things to do" by Terri Clark... we loved country back then) over and over.. and Meaghan thought they were weird, and later on I found out that they didn't like her at all. In grade 7, things got weird again. The classes were split grades again, so a lot of people I was friends with and used to being in class with weren't in my class anymore, only half of them were. The teacher we had wasn't great at all, and he didn't let us go on a year end feild trip (he wouldn't even let us go camping with the other grade 6/7 class). By then, I wasn't really friends with Kerri-Anne anymore. Not because somthing horrible happened or we had a fight, we just slowly stopped being friends. But yet I was still friends with Cassie, and we still hung out almost every day. The whole time we were friends, we had nothing in common. At one point, for about half of a year, we liked the same music, until my intrests quickly changed. Other than that.. she liked dolls, the colour pink, and frilly things, a real girly-girl. I liked dark, unusual, original things. By grade 7, Jesse didn't hang out with Cassie and I a lot anymore. Since he was in Juniour high, I guess he thought himself too cool for us by then. My friends at school had gotten kind of tired of me. I would still hang out with them at school, but never outside of school. I even started walking home at lunch time, because I was sick of waiting around for people and I only lived 5 minutes down the road.

The summer after grade 7, I drove to Winnipeg with my mom, so I was gone for a month. But other than that, I hung out with Meaghan a few times, and naturally, Cassie almost everyday, and thats about it. In grade 8, the first year of Spencer (juniour high), I was soo nervous cuz I got a ride and had to go looking for my friends. The first 5 weeks that I hung out with them.. lunch hours and break, consisted of going over to the park with every popular kid from every other elementry school, and watching half of them smoke. It got totally lame to me after a while, that we were sitting there in a group of about 40 everyday, looking cool, and putting down most people who walked by. I was always shy around them, but it was worse by then, the group had multiplied! In certain classes, I had become friends with Trina again, although she was slowly starting to turn into a pot head, she was still nice, and not overly popular, not popular at all actually, mostly with grade 9's though. I knew this girl, Candice, from a cartooning class we both took throughout grade 7, and one day at lunch, she asked if I wanted to come hang out with her and some of her friends. I agreed of course, I had been hoping it would happen for the last week or more. I was a little shy at first, but not much, for only having talked to them that one day. A few days later, in class, Trina and I got partnered with Kristine MacInnis and Sarah Larocque. They were the shy ones! So shy.. but really nice, and Trina and I were the crazy ones. They thought we were pysco! I didn't really give my former friends any notice of me leaving.. I just stopped hanging out with them one day, and it took them quite a while to finally notice that I was missing. Everyday, Candice, Kristine, Sarah and I hung out and ate our lunch with a bunch of their other friends by this one portable. Soon, we became good friends with Mitch, who they had all known from elementry. It was pretty much Kristine and I who were good friends with him, until he started dating Sarah and was a major asshole to us. At school picnics or at lunch time, the occasional day that I'd see my old friends outside, they'd look at me weird, some would give me dirty looks and some would kind of wave. At this time, I was still pretty close with Meaghan, usually hanging out with her, and her friends Bri and Andrew. Every Friday night, Meaghan and I, along with a lot of her friends from Glen Lake, and occasionally some of my friends, and a lot of grade 8's from Spencer, would go to Teen Skate at Juan De Fuca. Through Moffatt concerts, and similar music intrests at the beggining of the year.. I had a lot of friends in grade 8. Most people would have called them aquaintances.. but they considered me friends, so I considered them that back. Near the end of grade 8, after a break up between Sarah and her boyfriend Kyle Lake close to the middle of the year, she was still really good friends with her.. and it was common knowlage amung most people that Kyle had it bad for Kristine. During the second semester, him and Christian Denluck sat in front of Serena and I (a friend I had made during the year, from Kristine and Sarah's school) in Socials. And since Sarah was still friends with Kyle at the time, we all decided to be nice to eachother for a while. So in Social Studies, we socialized with them. In elementry, I had known Kyle to be "Flubby" and Christian to be.. well, just Christian. For my birthday that year, they both came. Ironic thing is.. Kylan, another friend of theirs that went to school with Kristine and Sarah also was supposed to show up, but never did. Kristine was mad, because at the time she liked him, but Kyle liked her. And Sarah was going out with an odd, short fellow named Bud (yes, that was legally his name), who lived just down the road from me and I had quickly befriended because of that.

That summer, I didn't do a lot with Meaghan.. or even a lot with Sarah or Kristine. Kristine was away for a month in Nova Scotia, and Sarah camped a lot. In the middle of July, I also moved from the trailor to my grandparents house, where we were to move back to Winnipeg the next year (but obviously never did). We went to Thetis Lake a few times, the 3 of us, and Mitch, or the 3 of us and Kyle along with his friend Matt who had also gone to Millstream. Also that summer.. I had only hung out with Cassie once, and talked to her on the phone a bunch of times. One night, she had to go do somthing, and told me to talk to Jesse for a second. Jesse had a friend over.. and I talked to him for a while, and then Jesse again. Cassie eagerly asked for the phone back, and got pissed off when he didn't hand it back. I was having a really intresting time talking to Jesse (like I always had, we actually got along well when we were on tolerating eachother terms) and had no intentions of talking to Cassie again that night, as crude and rude as it sounds. Sometime next year, I had called to ask him somthing-or-other about Bud (I had moved already and they still lived near him), and thankfully he picked up and not Cassie, who would have gotten angry I'm sure. We talked for a second, he answered my question, and said he had to go, so he asked Kristine and I (we had called him on 3 way) to call him back. Hmm... we had finished our business and he wanted us to call him back. Suure, whatever. After that, we became pretty good friends, and talked on the phone often.

The beggining of grade 9, was the same as it had always been, with the exception of the old grade 9's gone, and the new grade 8's coming on in to intrude and think they're so cool. The mall inside the school, along with our lockers were different, and it took the grade 9's a lot of time to adjust to the change and how different the mood was in there from the difference. After Sarah, already having gone through a few boyfriends, started going out with a certain fellow named Joel.. things got messy. At first, it was fine.. we talked to Joel, and even made a friend through him, Johno (who would soon become one of the first guys that I liked, who liked me back even more so). But after a while.. it got too much. We had no problem with Joel.. it was Sarah. She was totally ditching us for him, and his friends, which she said were just "the people she hung out with, not really her friends". She would chose Joel AND them over us. She didn't even know them.. and we were being put last here, her two best friends.. last. At the time, Kyle was still even pretty good friends with her, and was down to his last string also. By the second month into school.. Kristine and I were hanging out with Kyle and all of his friends, (yes, my former elementry school enemies) and going to their parties and hanging out with them at movies every weekend. That December, Johno decided on moving back to Halifax to live with his mom, which sucked royally. He was the first guy who I ever really had somthing with.