Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

I'll try to swich these up regularly

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

Many people do not realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a kind of strainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow.

One way I think you can tell if you have a curse on you is if you open a box of toothpicks and they all fly up and stick in your face.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

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Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

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