My Journal

12-7-01

ALRIGHT!! I got fed up with fuckin' Livejournal; it wasn't recognizing my username, and giving me errors up the wazoo. SO. I am going to have my journal posted here until further notice. Perhaps I'll even start my own site where people send me paypal money for a shitty server..hehe ^_^ just kidding.

Anways, I have been trying to post this conversation I had with Joanna for a while, and since I couldn't get it on Livejournal, I decided, hell, I already have this page, why not put it to good use? So I am. And that's my explanation.

This is an exerpt from a conversation I had with Joanna at about 12:00-12:40 a.m. on (technically) Friday, December 7 (a day that will live in infamy). Enjoy..I'm just venting..I hardly ever do that. Joanna told me I should post this. Dunno why...just am, now. She said this reveals a side of me people don't know "because [I] keep it hidden." So, sit back and enjoy your reading.

there can be nothing.

i need something to make my life complete.

what do i lack?

why do i complain? and whine? and bitch?

why? why? why?

argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

frustration is abounding

what i want

i can't have

what i have

i don't want

stupid paradoxes left and right

now i'm on the brink of tears

why do i make myself like htis?!!!!!!!!

this?!

this is a circle

i keep travelling in the same direction

but it makes a circle

can't you say something?

i'm kinda pouring out my heart

and wishing that i weren't

but i have to

to someone

i want there to be someone

that i can say anything to and they'll understand what i mean

and they won't criticize me for it

and they'll accept me

and like me

i want people to like me

but i have this horrible feeling that hardly anyone does

that i'm that annoying tagalong

that follows everyone

and no one bothers to tell him anything important

and they dislike him but don't want to tell him

because they feel sorry

or think that he'll make a fuss

i hate being like that

hate hate hate hate hate

where does it all end?

ARGH!

.................................................

i hate awkward silences

so much

see?

again!

HATE!

BLOODY FLAMING RETCHED HATRED!!!!!

for what?

i know someone in the same boat as you

likes a person

and can't muster courage to say a single thing

someone who hardly talks to anyone in the first place

that is quiet, yet intelligent, and extremely shy

a bit like you

curses

now i'm sick again

hold on, i need to dive for a toilet

By the way, I was sick during this, so when I dove for the toilet, I was puking. Yum.