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Pope John Paul II Declares America Screwed

   In a recent correspondence with His Holiness, Pope John Paul the 2nd, GL was faced with a surprisingly unholy-like rant about America's greatest political bumble since Nixon. Various Cardinals and attendants to His Holiness privately revealed to GL staff that since January 20th, he's been under an absolute stormcloud of grouchiness over this issue.

To the American People and American Catholics alike, his Holiness the Pope had this to say:

"You've finally done it. You atheist bastards and the flock that live among that heathen throng just gave the key to blowing up the world to a bumbling mush-mouthed crack-smoking Texan for God's Sake! And you swallow his barely understandable double-talk as if it were a communion wafer. I can't believe that after seeing his father in office, you would elect the village idiot son of the man who puked on the Japanese! This is the man who wants to put his face up on the Mountain Rushmore to pay tribute to his own "greatness"!? Have you people even noticed how much he sweats when he speaks to the press? Plus he can't effectively keep 'his' country under reins, George Dubya needs an ailing 78 year old man who can't stop having heart attacks long enough to write a decent press conference itenerary for Bush."

At this point His Holiness trailed off into an unintelligible muttering that included the words " Putz ", and "Corpus Christi my ass"

Bush Retorts:

"I love being your president," he said. "I cannot wait for tomorrow -- but tonight, we've got some dancing to do."
He then proceeded to square dance by himself right there in the Oval Office, a strange white crust still clinging to his nostrils.

Dubya: "Picture it Dickie. George, Tom, Abe, Theo, and Bubba up there on Rushmore".
Cheney: "I don't know if the Senate will go for th-...HUUWAAARGH! ::drops from  his third heart attack that day::"