Thank you for taking a trip with me into my world... Although it is less a trip and more a picturesque tour of the contorted mental interior and labyrinthine psychic dungeons of my mind. But I don't have character defects, just coping mechanisms gone horribly awry. Where am I going? Why am I in this handbasket? If you try to fail, and succeed, what have you done? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? We were headed over to the bingo parlor at the Y.M.C.A. and, well, the directions got all fouled up and one thing led to another... Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? The early bird may get the worm, but it is the second mouse who gets the cheese. Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Try to imagine a world without hypothetical situations. You dated "Finger Cuffs"? What's another word for "thesaurus"? Hitting on lesbians is like going to the batting cages...it's good practice and there's no pressure. Using the whole fist there, Doc?
If life is a cabaret, is death a karaoke? I feel sorry for people who don't drink, when they wake up that's as good as they are going to feel all day. That is NOT Mel Torme. Someone's gonna have to go back and get a whole shitload of dimes!
"The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules or took
a few liberties with our female party guests... We did! But you
can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of
a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't
we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity
system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational
institutions in general? I put it to you... Isn't this an
indictment of our entire American Society? Well, you can do what
you want to us, but we are not going to sit here and listen to
you bad-mouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!"