While in Disney World, I kept thinking about my friends and why I didn't really miss most of them. I mean, I did miss them, but not like I should have. I didn't really think about them much. I only thought about Jacob sometimes, and when I thought about him, the next thing that sprang into my head was, I should be thinking about Amaly and Sars too. Then I would think about them, but I would only think about Shari when I was thinking about why I wasn't thinking about her. Does that make any sense? Let me try to break it down. I only thought about Shari to wonder why I didn't bother to miss her.
Anyway, I finally figured it out. I finally figured out why we have been growing apart and why we need to keep having "bonding fests" almost every week. At first, I thought it was because of Anthony, her boyfriend. They are so much in love, and now she devotes most of her time to him, and since he and I don't get along like we should, I hardly hang out with the two of them together. Enough of the run-on sentence…anyway…he takes up most of her time now, and even when I am over at her house, he calls her and she talked to him while I hang out with Heather, her sister. It dosen't bother me that much that he calls, but she spends forever on the phone with him and he gets mad that I am over at her house. Also, she would always come onto IM and talk to him, but when I would IM her, she would tell me how she can't talk on IM because it breaks and kicks her off. There are many other things she does to make it obvious that she picks him, her boyfriend, over me, her sister and "best friend." I used to think that that was what bothered me and came between us, but I am realizing that all though it is part of the problem, it is not it.
What has been coming between us is that she has outgrown me. Before you get all confused, hear me out, I promise it will make sense. You see, she is ready to become an adult already. She has her life planned out exactly with kids, a husband, and a career as a doctor. Basically she is already an adult in a kid's body. Not necessarily more mature than me, because I can be as mature as her if I want, but just more grown up. I mean, I just started acting like a teenager. I am ready to go out in the world and go to college, but not turn into the responsible and roll model adult like her. I want to have fun and live like a teenager while I still can. I am in no hurry to grow up. She, on the other-hand is. She was always like that, but now that we are both getting closer to the "growing up" point in our lives, she is doing it faster than me, making the gap in between us even bigger.
I am not sure how to be more clear about it, for it is not 100% clear to me myself.